Introduce myself

Hi all,


I’m writing this a little late, but better late than never. I joined a bit over a week ago but it’s been a mad week so here I am now.


As I’m sure many have said before me, some of this is awkward to say/write. In fact, that is why I am here. I don’t have anyone that I have ever been able to talk to about this. I see this as a major flaw. Thankfully, next month my new insurance plans kicks in which will allow me to see a therapist (for several things) more accessibly. I hope that this serves as a platform in which to begin.


Well, here it goes. I am a 31 year old man who has been struggling with having porn in my life since I was a young teenager. I found porn through the internet as many of us did. For a long time I never thought anything of it. Growing up, it was common for most of my peers’ fathers to have a calendar with naked women on it. Or perhaps a magazine that was regard as lore. It seemed as if it was normal for these things to exist is a “man’s workshop/garage/gym” etc… To me, watching porn on the internet was simply the 21st century version of that.


Obviously both are wrong, potentially dangerous, degrading, whatever you may consider it, but I realized how poor of an influence it was when I made the realization that these calendars featured in the garages maybe had twelve women on them, but here I was finding myself looking at dozens or more women when I opened my computer. While neither is positive, I was way overdoing it as compared to our fathers.


This realization happened maybe in my mid twenties. It made me feel badly, but unfortunately did not provide a powerful enough reason to kick it from my life. The attraction was too strong.


Other arguments for stopping porn came up at different times in life -

-Considering the negative affect on women

-How the porn industry may have shady business such as human trafficking

-Hurt feelings of loved ones

-Numerous promises to self/deity

-Shame

-Dreams depicting life negatively if I don’t stop


There’s been many good reasons for me to stop, unfortunately none have held.


Now, I have gone long bouts of weeks without porn. Month or two maybe? But at some point I relapse.


Obviously, this is something I want to kick from my life. For over a week now I have been without PMO. It’s been hard, but okay. Fortunately it’s been a very busy work week for me so I have not been tempted as much.


I fall into bad habits when I have time. I commit myself to my work. It consumes probably too much of my life. It’s a career that unfortunately leads to odd hours and poor sleep schedule which fuels the relaxing ritual of coming home and viewing porn. I feel as if I can do this, but having a support group, will be big for me.


Ironically, I work as a personal trainer. A fairly successful one at that. All of the work I do is based in behavior change. I preach it to my clients all day. They have great success. It’s now time to take my own advice.


So here I am- ready to make some change in my life. I am abstaining from porn and masturbation. I have a partner whom I love dearly, so all of my sexual energy (or whatever you may call it) is for them. I’m here to make it a point to myself that I can do 90 days without porn or masturbation, but I intend to go longer.


Here’s to a challenging, but rewarding first 90 days!