Journal O ' Blackbeard

Hello.

Ive posted my introduction in the newbies thread. I have to say it was far from upbeat but im going to be honest more on this account.

Im going to set myself some rules:
- touch base with you twice a day, one in the am and pm.

Im sure that the failings of last year are down to me making the same mistakes over and over again. This time I want to do something new and get an accountability partner.

In terms of difficulty im going hard mode. Any other way wont work for me. I think it is important that I get my ideas straight.

 

WHY AM I HERE?

awkward one. So many people on nofap are so fired up. I think it is because they are stronger in character. Ive been doing nofap wrong for a year now so it makes sense im far more pessimistic. To be honest in many ways I dont really know why im here. Im running out of ideas and motivation. Instead of just "aquiring" reasons and pretending to get behind them, I think it is far more worthwhile just targeting the reason I am somehow still here. I guess when I do pop, im a lot more shameless, like a shadow of myself. And then I have to look at that shadow after and contemplate the idea that it is me. And that refuses to die. that and the fear of escalation.

WHAT ARE MY GOALS?

I don't know. Id like to quit porn. The person I would like to be dosent watch porn.

 

Ive decided to just go for it in holding back on pmo as opposed to going one day then two etc or any form of arithmetic sequence. I think that by just keeping it open ended im constantly reminding myself that it's all or nothing.

 

Okay I was wrong.

 

It would appear I need a smaller goal first. Something to keep me going. I just saw something on facebook and it all just fell apart. Didnt even try to fight it. How is it that I just forget?

 

A week is my target.

 

So at the end of today, ive popped twice. Was going well but I saw something on facebook, which ive since stopped checking so regularly. Interesting how delicate my position is.

I still think that if im trying I can do 7. But with some rules:

1. No porn, or M.
2. If either is done, a very cold shower must be taken for 30 missisipis.
3. Report to nofap once daily. discuss violations.
4. No unecessary browsing social media, but messages are immune to that.
5. Portables to be used for spotify, nofap, emergencies and education.