Hey folks, If you are like I am, you always fantasized while having sex, so it became more like masturbation with a partner instead of sex. And with that, I typically could not cum during sex. Only after curbing the majority of my PM for over a year, ejaculation returned to my sex, which was a huge victory. The next progression is to stop reliance on fantasy to get me to climax. I have some success here too - I am more able to focus on my GF in the moment, but it's such an ingrained habit to imagine I'm screwing someone else, making it a more "naughty" situation. Who here can relate? I assume it's fairly common, but it really sucks. Thanks!
Congrats on your progress. I would suggest that if you can't have sex without the fantasy perhaps you should avoid it for now. Porn type fantasies have the same effect on the brain as Porn. So you may be doing your recovery a disservice by frequently engaging in this behavior. In my experience I've found that a longer period of time between having sex with my wife makes me much more focused on her and able to avoid the fantasies during sex. This may mean less sex then you would like right now, but it will be better sex and better for your overall recovery. This is what is working for me at the moment anyway.
I understand this. It's all tied to mindfulness and being in the moment. I haven't been present in sex in years. I just realized this lately. I hope you can eliminate this. I would like too.
@Stoptime - I began countering this way of thinking by coming back to the present moment at the point of orgasm, when my body was already committed, if you will. I have been gradually expanding this consciousness so that a decreasing amount of time is spent using fantasy to either build or maintain the excitement. It's just such a habit to privately fantasize that it is my natural inclination to do it. To avoid it I need to make a deliberate act of my wil.