What Triggers you?

What triggers me?

Whispering females, Massage Videos, the second sentence of your post, instagram pictures of attractive girls, alcohol, seeing people kissing, girls in leggings or shorts.

 

For me, the trigger lies much deeper.
What "triggered" me basically was always emotional stress.
For example:

- When work is getting too much and I've no plan
- When I'm getting inpatient
- When I'm avoiding a talk with my girlfriend, because I'm in fear of her emotions
- When I'm getting asked to do something, and I cannot say "No"
- When I have fears of being rejected

ONLY when I was in such situations, then I began to think of PMO. And I started looking for pictures, etc.

But if I have no emotional stress, than PMO is completely beyond my horizon. I can then look at some porn and it looks like any other picture to me. Totally indifferent.

 

My triggers include anything involving stress. I use the numbing high I feel as a release from stress. it's especially hard when I've got family drama and money problems at home. At school, when I'm not doing well and feel the pressure to perform, all I want to do is watch porn and masturbate. It feels like I go to another world where all that matters is pleasure. It's fun while it lasts, but I always wake up.

For some reason, I always experience erections and a deep urge to masturbate when I am sleepy - just as I am about to fall asleep, or just as I wake up.

I'm very insecure. I do not have nice clothes. I'm a sophomore in college and most of the clothes I wear, I've had since I was a freshman in highschool (and 100 lbs. heavier). There's just no money for new clothes. People make comments about what I wear or how I look, and it hurts me - it makes me want to numb the pain the only way I know how.

 

Wow, this really speaks to me - it's similar. Right now, everything is going pretty well in my life and I don't have much of a desire to do PMO, but I dread the day I'm tempted beyond measure....

 

There are probably two types of PMOers:

1) people who PMO as a sort of "stress regulation". Pretty much the same like others take drugs, alcohol.
Probbaly these are more the introverts, or people who are "thinking too much". The "expert" type of guy.

2) Extroverted people who quickly react to impulses and impressions, and probably who do not think analytical so much. More the "marketing" and "sportsman" type. Probably, these guys have no problems with emotional stress, but more with their impulses. Like people who can not go past a burger without eating it.

 

Yup basically same for me, bar the girlfriend bit (replace with meeting or flirting with attractive women). It really comes down to stress... If I am training, working, meditating, positively socialising (without too much alcohol or otherwise) then usually I am fine. I am freelance, so also not working from home is a big help, otherwise hit an obstacle or stressor ans there you go...

 

Ironic, I am both of those... 1) as a teenager and young adult (and yes I used drugs and alcohol for that at the time). 2) After 10 years martial arts, less stressed but still highly impulsive.

I think you are missing the notion of suffering... Perhaps better word than stress. Negative life events, periods of depression, and then associations that become stressors leading to the avoidant mind meditation teacher talk about "Don't want to think / feel like that = fap". A non-useful response to suffering...

 

What triggers me is basically my brain telling me I need to fap merely because I've developed it as a habit to just continually do everyday. I find I'm not turned on by anything in particular, but my urges to fap arise from me not fulfilling my habit requirement.

 

Yes, that's also a factor. It's somehow linked to "not having a clear vision of life goals", "not having a focus"

 

Yes suffering, that's good.
I subsumized it also with emotional stress.
Basically I mean all those emotions which lead to blockades or to leaving your path.

 

I am under some deep emotional stress. I want it to go away, and I want everyone in my life to leave me alone until I am in a better place. I don't want the support that seems to be given to me when I don't even ask for it.

And guess what, I just had a gigantic urge after a painful talk last night. I still was angry this morning at myself, and just a few moments ago I really thought I was going to act out on these thoughts: 'enough of this nofap garbage, if I want to edge, I will edge' and almost returned to the old sites. I was rationalizing acting out on the urge by telling myself,
1) it's only erotic material it's not P
2) it's only stimulating myself, it's not like I'm going all the way to an O
3) this nofap is meaningless anyways, i'm not really a porn addict.

It's true what you say, emotional stress is a major trigger.

"1) people who PMO as a sort of "stress regulation". Pretty much the same like others take drugs, alcohol.
Probbaly these are more the introverts, or people who are "thinking too much". The "expert" type of guy.

2) Extroverted people who quickly react to impulses and impressions, and probably who do not think analytical so much. More the "marketing" and "sportsman" type. Probably, these guys have no problems with emotional stress, but more with their impulses. Like people who can not go past a burger without eating it."

I see both of these inside me. Double trouble.

I really wanted to edge SO BADLY just a few minutes ago. But I just watched it as someone has recently posted about, and agreed with my brain that sexual stimulation even from myself would be very pleasing and relaxing and feel great, and it's perfectly natural. I just allowed the urge to be without acting on it, yet not trying to run from it, and it just melted.

However now that it has melted I feel as though my drive to be with an actual woman has increased. The more this keeps increasing it will only be a matter of time before I enter into a relationship with a girlfriend. It is the way of nature.

 

Wow, I can really relate to this. And you're right suffering is the better word, as stress is just a component of suffering.

I also used drugs and alcohol for that. And I have trained martial arts for 9 years. My impulsivity is almost as great as my stubbornness. I have stumbled as of late, and maybe if I stuck with my training for 9 years straight rather than return to drinking for a couple years in between I would have overcome all this garbage sooner. It's now or never for me.

People who care about me tell me that if I turn my back on my training one more time I will die. I'm an all or nothing type of person. And I do not want to return to the darkside. The struggle inside me is exactly like that of Anakin Skywalker. And I really do not want to become a Vader, which for me would be like some kind of bohemian druglord hippie king.

I would like to be a dignified, honorable, humble martial artist with a loving wife and great career. That will only happen if I conquer nofap and raise my emotional intelligence and become financially indepedent.

 

Stress is probably my biggest factor - I get angry with a scenario and I feel like this relieves it, also being nervous or anxious, i used to PMO before class at University because of my anxieties. Hangover is another big one, as soon as I'd wake up id roll over and grab the laptop... Also just having the opportunity sometimes, that impulsive urge - the house is free... I can try and squeeze as many as possible as I can in.

I see both elements in myself haha, I'm not so sure there are two types of fappers but instead two types of fapping for fappers? Haha

 

Oh yes, I know these thoughts, have experienced them soooooo often.
Like a little devil sitting in your ear and sweetly whispering crap of that sort. And then the cycle begins again.

No no. It is totally important to let this moment pass by, and to even more, to LET IT PASS BY WITH PLEASURE.
I found that it is really best to relax and just wait ten minutes. Or to quickly go outside -- voila, the urge is away.

The earlier you recognize the urge, the easier you can overcome it. And it becomes easier with every repeat.

I'm totally happy in the moment, because I feel like I am finally really beyond my old behavior, and a new behaviour has finally settled.

But I know that I must beware. But I am looking forward for the best christmas present I ever had - 138 days free of PMO. WOW.

 

Boredom does it for me. Even lack of "sexual" attention from my girlfriend sometimes does it. If I know I will be home alone for an extended period of time I try to find other things to do so I am not relapsing. Its extremely difficult.

 

Fantastic! But I would have thought agreeing with the addicted side of your brain would have strengthened the urge. But it melted it? This is exactly what I need to do when I get an urge. Can you please explain a little bit more about your thought process? It would help me greatly. Many thanks.