Hi

Perhaps you should read "out of the shadows" from patrick cranes.That would help you gain an insight to your sex and love addiction. Its clear its not just masturbation that you suffer from. There are groups like SLAA which would be very beneficial to you. Perhaps investigate in your area whats around.

 

Not anyone here has the knowledge to offer the right advice. Your SSA could be a result of your past. One thing is for sure though. You don't enjoy pmo. You using it as anxiety relief good luck !!

 

Oh man. I'm so sorry to hear that

 

How would you know that? Like how do you separate what you feel to be anxiety relief over pleasure?

 

My thoughts. Stay away from nofap explore everything with your therapist however small talk about your past and SSA. Get everything off your chest.

 

And when you're doing it for pleasure? What I'm saying is how would you know the difference. It's possible you don't. In any case nofap community do not have the answers to your specific situation. Wouldn't you agree.

 

pick your language carefully so not to be explicit, but share away in a manner seeking help
you are welcome

 

Hi Kristen, I'm not sure there is anything inherently wrong with M every day at a young age, particularly if it is just exploring your body in a safe environment. It sounds perfectly natural.

I remember in my youth my (male) friends were M every day - and the record was 10 times in one day. At university friends would keep track of how often they did it. It was funny, and didn't feel remotely unhealthy or wrong.

What is unnatural is using artificial stimulation like P. And I would suggest that is the thing to avoid.

Hope this helps.

(I am very much NOT a psychologist in any way shape or form, so this is just my personal opinion)

 

@Kristen , I think you're on the right track posting here and being honest even when you're not comfortable revealing all the details of the M to your therapist.

NF is a diverse group of people and you're going to get a lot of different opinions and advice. I do think it is a good idea for you to try to overcome your compulsion to M.

As another poster said, I believe life is simply better without it. Also I firmly believe divorcing your sexuality from self pleasure is very beneficial for a truly satisfying relationship with a significant other down the line.

As for how to succeed in the here and now; it will be difficult. You've shared that it's a pretty strong habit backed in part by traumatic experiences, and you're just beginning to grow in awareness of it and the negative effects it has.

I'd be gentle and patient with yourself and try to start learning more about what in particular triggers you to go do the act, and why. And perhaps start trying to find healthier alternatives to meet those same needs. There's no quick fix and it isn't always an easy path to achieving lasting NF. It's good to hear from you though and best of luck!

 

Yes, the nofap community does not have any tips that are RELEVANT to your specific case to help you not masturbate because the reasons why you masturbate are inherently different from the average guy here.

Therefore the bread and butter advice, 'Get to 90days and all will be well' does not apply to you.

If you can not understand how and why your past is important to understand WHY you PMO and why you may have same sex attractions, then sure, continue asking for help on here. We'll gladly point you to generic advice.

But I'm sure you realise you've being going around in circles. I'm simply suggesting there are better ways to solve problems rather than chasing your tail.

I don't know, what do you think?

 

Well, from what I've read, I'm guessing you haven't told her everything.

Additionally, when you say sexual perversions, are you talking about same sex attractions or re-enacting your childhood abuse?

If these questions are not addressed how do you expect to gain any traction -> how will the therapist know where to lead your conversations?

Like I said, I don't know your case history so I'm just making assumptions, correct me if I'm wrong, or PM me if you wish to discuss this in private.

 

@Kristen I am slightly confused.

To be honest you are young and theres nothing wrong in principle with M, just avoid porn. When you have a steady partner, if the M continues then you know you have a problem.

On one side you say you M too much and want to stop. You also then confuse the issue by saying

So I believe you're not entirely sure what you want i.e. whether to stop or just enjoy for now. Either is fine for now.

 

This thread is so full of misleading comments, and this poor girl is just here looking for help. Let's break this down a bit:

Um, I 100% guarantee it's a result of her past. Particularly when @Kristen herself admits that she often fantasizes about the past abuse. I'd say that's about as clear an indication as you could ever get.

No, we absolutely have specific answers. But it depends on how drastic the measures are that you're willing to take to be free of it. Personally, I believe in three pillars:

• Filters or blocks on your devices - Yes, your imagination might be just as bad. But I know that, for me, the kind of repetitious, compulsive masturbation (where it's 5, 6, 7 times in a day) almost always needed porn to fuel it somehow. If you can effectively block yourself from porn using passcodes that you don't know, it will go a long way toward helping you.
• Positive activities - you need different, healthy behaviors to do instead of PMO. Go for a walk. Read a good book. Meet a friend for coffee. Work out. Listen to a podcast about something you're interested in. It won't be nearly the same dopamine hit that PMO offers you, but at least it's something, and it helps get your mind off the thoughts driving you to masturbate.
• Involve others in your journey - this is huge. And sharing your story in a place like this forum is a good start. But nothing can really take the place of sitting in a room with other human beings and sharing. I definitely recommend a women's only SAA group if you can find one. Realize that you're an 18 year old female talking about compulsive masturbation. I fear that stepping into a regular SAA meeting (which are usually 99% male) would be like throwing a steak to a pack of wolves. But whatever it is--a trusted friend who can be an accountability partner, a parent, anyone--it's just important that you find a few close, safe people who can encourage you and who you can be open and honest with.

Nonsense, the tips above are relevant to anyone who's trying to quit PMO. Think about an alcoholic: the immediate goal is to stop the behavior. We don't need to do a deep dive into his family of origin or his childhood trauma to prevent him from drinking alcohol. Now, we might need to in order to keep him that way long-term, but not at the outset.

She's here because she's masturbating compulsively and wants to stop. There is something wrong with the behavior if it's causing her negative consequences that she wants to prevent.

@Kristen, there's hope here, and you can overcome this. It will be difficult, but if you press on, slow and steady, you will make progress.

 

Yup the above is an exact reason why nofap will be off no help.