Hey guys, I do not post on forums at all these days but this morning I woke up and literally felt compelled to share my story with as many people as possible. I'm not sure where this belongs, it is a mix of success and relapsing with prostitutes sporadically so if needed to be moved, please do so. So here my story begins: I have tried rebooting before in the past with many relapses to porn. That's how I grew up. Hardly any female contact besides my mum and sister. Played and reached high levels of success in various online games to eventually console games. TV binging, movies and of course porn. Lots of it, tabs and tabs and tabs in a dark room coming 3 or more times to probably at least 30 different girls at this point in just one of many sessions. The human brain has never seen that level of stimulation before and I was bored with life naturally. My brain thought I was the fucking man. I would end up needing more porn or brain numbing movies to reach the same state of "happiness". Now I am well over 90+ days without porn. I actually stopped counting after 90 because now it is easy. I'd guess I am at 180 now. How? I learned a few things to stop me from relapsing to porn. 1. Have a whiteboard/paper with let's say numbers 1-30 or even a calendar works well. Not on your phone or iPad but real paper. As you go cross off the numbers/days and create a streak of noFap. The snowball affect helps and works. 2. Avoid situations where you see hot girls online that give you the urge to masturbate again. Instagram was so dangerous I only follow a very select amount of accounts. IG is plagued with the hottest most unrealistic girls from filters and such it is so easy to relapse so just stop. And stop going on Facebook comparing yourself to your friends. I only check it once a day tops and most often every other few days. Scrolling for less then a minute on FB repeatededly reminds me what a load of crap it can be. A highlight reel of all your friends who for the most part aren't really your friends just acquaintances without any of the struggles they have endured to get to those "highlights", of their life. 3. Get healthy. Sleep well, read fiction or a biography before bed for at least half an hour. No screens and your bed pitch black helps a lot. Exercise with weights, or bodyweight outdoors, a martial art and eat well 90% of the time. Junk food can trigger a relapse because your brain got a taste and now wants more. 4. Replace the urge with another habit. We all have habits and they are all caused by a trigger. Wake up > Brush teeth, Workout > Shower/Eat, etc etc. Feel like watching porn > go for a walk instead focusing on breathing. Breathe into your belly. I like box breathing to calm me down which is matching your inhale with your exhale as well as your pauses between the breathes eg. Walk 4 steps inhale Walk 4 steps hold breathe Walk 4 steps exhale Walk 4 steps hold Repeat. This is a Navy SEAL breathing technique for diving and can calm you down real fast. If it is too hard, remember in through your nostrils into your belly, practice on your back with your hand on your stomach. Google it if need be and you can start with less steps so think 2 steps on all those steps above. 5. Journal, I'll keep this one short, Google 5 minute journal tips for ideas. I basically journal in the morning and answer 3 questions: -What am I grateful for? -What would make today great? -Affirmation. In the evening I finish with -What am I grateful for today? -What did I learn? Sometimes if a lot is on my mind I will simply write out my thoughts. It's similar to taking a dump but with your thoughts. 6. Look into minimalism. Focus on less materials and more experiences. Prostitutes do not count as an experience. I'll elaborate below but focus on needing less, being happy with less. There was a documentary on Netflix about happiness. One of the happiest guys was a rickshaw driver in India working his arse off everyday earning chump change. One of the unhappiest guys was a multi billionaire business man who had everything he could ever want. The minimalist interview by Jason Ferruggia podcast is a great place to start. Actually his whole podcast is recommended. Success wise, I do feel a lot better then before. I'm finally starting to feel in control of my life again. Maybe for the first time. I hired a coach and so far I've already lost 6% body fat in 4 weeks tested via Poliquins Biosignature technique. I saved up enough for laser eye surgery so I don't wear glasses anymore (I now have 20/20). I've finally gotten my license at the age of 23 yesterday. I have holidays booked to the Maldives with more to come. I workout consistently and eat well. I read daily to become inspired and a better person or otherwise just to calm me down. A healthy form of entertainment. I started a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, found a community and have registered to some seminars to learn more. The benefits are being a normal, driven and happier dude. I don't feel like superman just because I rebooted. I think there is a lot of sensationalism in regards to NoFap but that may be the result of me paying for sexual services at the 6 week mark. Prostitution, boy I can tell you it felt great initially. The first two times wow, but it was just like porn except with one girl and a wallet a lot lighter. I got addicted to it. I went a lot. I would check out reviews on forums all the time and was always hunting for an easy way out. After spending thousands of dollars on girls the feeling of satisfaction got worse and worse. Unfortunately I went again yesterday and to be honest I feel like I've hit rock bottom. Regret and shame. If you think paying for sex is different then porn the only person you are kidding is yourself. I thought it was better then porn and in a lot of ways it is but unless you want to keep going for the rest of your days until you're an old man and millions of dollars poorer. Unless you never want to face your fears and develop the social skills to find a real girl and develop a relationship do not fall back on an easy quick fix. The money gone on an experience you can only keep to yourself. You're not going to tell your next girlfriend about your awesome brothel experiences. You have to keep it private, you have to have secrets, you have to have shame and regret. Looking back I'd rather of have spent all that money on something to improve my life to make me more attractive to the opposite sex. If I went on a solo holiday I would be so much more attractive and an interesting person. If I had simply spent that money on anything else such as a Personal Trainer, a holiday, archery classes, cooking classes, anything new and different I would be a much happier person. Instead I'm still scared to meet beautiful women because I always had an easy fallback. Everywhere else my life has improved for the better but when it came to women, not so much because of this idea I had in my own head that paying for sex is the same and that it is good for me. I'm reading a book called "The War of Art", by Steven Pressfield. This was a sign by a higher power to not go because I was reading this just prior to attending a session with a call girl. I didn't listen to reason and let myself rationalise that it was still okay to see this girl. Last one I said, one more I said. The book is about "resistance", why we procrastinate and avoid doing what is actually beneficial for us even though we know what to do. Here is an excerpt from the book. "Resistance and Sex Sometimes resistance takes the form of sex, or an obsessive preoccupation with sex. Why sex? Because sex provides immediate and powerful gratification. When someone sleeps with us, we feel validated and approved of, even loved. Resistance gets a big kick out of that. It knows it has distracted us with a cheap, easy fix and kept us from doing our work. Of course not all sex is a manifestation of Resistance. In my experience, you can tell by the measure of hollowness you feel afterward. The more empty you feel, the more certain you can be that your true motivation was not love or even lust but resistance. It goes without saying that this principle applies to drugs, shopping, masturbation, TV, gossip, alcohol and the consumption of all products containing fat, sugar, salt or chocolate." I apologise I may have rambled a bit because I literally just woke and started typing this and it has been over an hour already. What I know now is that it is time I stopped kidding myself. No more paying for sex and time to experience the pain and growth to confront my lack of social skills in particular with the opposite sex. Besides that I am doing great. Really good. Any questions do please let me know. Thank you for reading. I need to have breakfast now.
Thanks a lot for sharing. That was a really good post. First off, congratulations on abstaining from pornography for such a long period. That's really impressive. Also, thanks for sharing your perspective on prostitution. I've never visited a prostitute, but have had a few one night stands. The feeling was every bit as hollow as that of watching pornography, so I definitely see where both you and Steven Pressfield are coming from on prostitution, hookups and pornography all being forms of "resistance." Anyhow, I'm glad to hear you're doing better, and I hope all goes well with your continued social development and relationships with women.
I know how you feel bro.. been there already.. spent thousant of dollars on hookers, massagists and even 2 transwomen.. I went rock bottom cheating myself thinking I was seeing a real girl so it was ok, well it WAS NOT.. it became a habbit and I became broke because of that(Not anymore though) Im from a country where prostitution is everywhere and normal.. Long story short, Im not into hookers anymore because I see them as demons who just want to drain my bank account.. Im on nofap hard mode cause its the way for a happy and fulfilled life.. i learned in the difficult way thanks for sharing your experience bro hope you learned now just like I did, its no good at all..
I also went the prostitution route and like you stated, it feels great at first, but afterwards you start to feel empty and disgusted with yourself and it doesn't help that your wallet feels lighter. I'm glad to hear that you made the choice to not pay for sex anymore. At one point I kind of adopted the idea that I might as well pay for an escort, because I'm always going to "pay for pussy." However, I had to realize that was an excuse and a cop out to avoid my issues. Just like you, I've never been that great with women, and continuing going down this route wasn't going to help me with my interactions with women. Furthermore, I don't want to become an old man who has to pay for sex. I would feel like a "loser" and a "failure", due to the empty experiences I would have with these women and knowing that I was just using them to fulfill my own selfish sexual needs. Overall great post and stay strong man.
Thanks for all the responses guys, it's good to know that we're not alone in this issue. It's not easy, hell even after writing all that my mind would try to rationalise I could just keep seeing that 1 girl who I know is good. In the book, Pressfield mentions the stronger you feel the resistance the more you know what you are doing is important to your growth. So for those out there and more to myself, if it feels hard then it means you're doing the right thing.
