Keep falling down the same hole....

First let me say, I know exactly what you mean and i'm battling the same thing. But I have a couple of strategies.

I would say, you are maybe overthinking it, and staying in the thought loop. End the thought loop and move on.

All these thoughts are in a way positive, because they show you your motivation and goals: to doing good things in life and having fun. So I think you should focus on this - that these negative thoughts are hiding something very positive: your true goals and motivation.


So I would say, as an exercise try to take 10 minutes every day where you do this:
Every time in these 10 minutes something negative pops up, or you get sad, or whatever - everytime this happens, you try and flip the thought - find the grain of gold. Find the positive side of the thought.
And when the 10 minutes are up - then forget about it. Do something different, wash the dishes or something, clear your mind.

After a few weeks of this, I think you'll quickly spot some improvement in this habit - I know I have.

 

You have to understand that you control your thoughts, beliefs, and the emotions that those make arise.

You may say "I can't control them sometimes" and I get it, because I was like that not that long ago... But if you're not able to control your thoughts it's not because you can't, it's because you have let them so much out of control, that now they are more difficult to control and choose which thoughts, beliefs and feelings you prefer. You can regain that control, you just have to work step-by-step.

So, the answer to your question is twofold:

• first, whenever you get negative thoughts and the negative feelings associated with them: don't battle them. Let them run out by themselves. Reason is: what feels bad is actually not the thought, but your resistance to it. This is not about giving in in the sense of "ok my life sucks, I'll just admit it". What I'm saying is: "ok, I'm feeling bad, I won't battle this thought nor this feeling... ok... I'm still feeling bad... still bad... still bad... (after a while) ...now not so bad... (after a while) ... I'm neutral to that".
• second, when you feel neutral (first step) about those ideas, start focusing on better ideas. Just think of pleasant things you prefer. Choose one idea that makes you feel great: a goal, the idea of enjoying a relationship with a girl you like, great values like courage and the power of your will, etc. Good memories work too (very well), just don't focus on them from the standpoint of "it sucks that I don't have that anymore", but enjoy them If you start getting negative thoughts and emotions again, then just repeat the previous point!

 

Nope, actually the opposite (unless you are really in a "dark place" all the time).

Imagine a battery charged with energy. You are discharging the battery by letting it run out.

Try it with just one thing, one idea. Take it to meditation or silence and focus on it, feel the feelings that arise with it, focus on the bodily sensation, your breathing, etc. for a while. Don't emphasize the negative idea, just don't resist it, and examine it as is.

Then, of course, go to the second step I mentioned, and spend as much time (or more) with a preferred thought or idea.

Let me know how it goes.

 

Bad days happen, it's how life goes. What we can do is learn from them and try to avoid making them repeat. What you can do to stay out of he negative hole is to stop masturbating, since it screws with your brain, emotions etc. Being a nice guy is fine, just don't let people use it. When you experience bad days, talk about them, don't let your emotions build up inside. Start exercising, you will have less bad days and it will improve your self esteem too.

 

I've been there, and my first recommendation is to focus on one big goal at a time.

 

1) You have to know that it's a bad habit. Thinking negatively is a bad habit. There is nothing fundamentally wrong with you as a person. It's "just" a very heavy habit. Habits can be changed.

2) in the beginning, all positive things you start up are going to feel fake. Smiling when you think you are sad feels so weird. It will feel wrong, unnatural and so hard that you will want to quit - of course that's because of the power of the bad habit.

3) Take tiny steps. But take them every day. Force yourself to do it for just one minute each day. Soon you will be able to do more than a minute. Habits work by repeated accumulation.

You can do this. You have pictured a better life and you can have it. Work for it. You can do it, a little piece at a time

 

Exactly, you are making progress but you can't see any effect yet. This is a tough time, but it's worth it. While you may not see any effect, you still know what to do and what not to do. So stick with your plan and if you fall of the horse, get back up.

I'd like to share a quote: "training works by establishing a new situation for the body and mind, and then training for a long time. Gradually the body and mind will change to fit the new circumstances"

So you see, If you don't have a plan, then it doesn't matter how much effort you put in. If you don't make an effort, it doesn't matter how many goals and plans you have.

Changing is hard work. You can do it. Trust your goals and try to make a little progress every day. It's gonna feel fake, and success will not come next week, or in a month. Good things will come when you are ready for it. They are not going feel like winning the lottery, they are going to feel like meh, is that it? Because goals really are illusions - what matters, what succes really is, is your mindset and your willingness to struggle, work for it. To keep doing your best every day - that is success. And sooner or later it's gonna pay off. But the results are just signposts along the way.
Go for it.
You have taken the first steps, now keep going!