History History is funny yet serious. It has a tendency to relapse, repeat, hinge itself onto itself. I know it well, and my desire to break its tendencies are strong but muddled by an addiction to pornography and masturbation. I am addicted. It started at a very young age. Fourteen, maybe fifteen years old is when I saw my first pornographic image. Masturbation followed naturally as it does. I was hooked, and what began as an exciting escape into fantasy slowly seeped its way into destroying my life. My mind was nailed to the proverbial floor of pictures, videos, and steaming, my hands chained to my lustful desires. I saw no way out. Relationship after relationship crumbled. Depression sneaked in like a thief and began to devour my joy. I eventually would act out in ways I never thought possible, ways I had never dreamed. With one action, I spiraled and demolished the very relationship I was looking to for freedom. The love of my life walked away and did not look back. Sure, I had set out many times to overcome my addiction. But like a smoker having secret pockets for cigarettes, I kept my treasured sins within reach. Slavery, I know I understand the word. In a sick way, I loved my secret. In a sick way, I didn't want out, and like an abusive relationship, I returned to my vomit again and again. Today is new. Enlightened Today I start my journey out. Like the Hobbit, I will defy the characteristics of my nature, and I will slay this dragon. The treasure is mine for the taking. Spoilers I may be mocked for what I am about to profess, but it is no matter to me. I invite mockery, I deserve it in fact for what I am about to profess is contradictory to the last 8 years of my life. Jesus. I am not talking about your Sunday School "Jesus loves you" Jesus. I am talking about a God-man, who claimed to be a king, one who brings judgement to all. Jesus is the reason I step out today. The Bible, as controversial as it is, seems nothing but true to me. It speaks of Jesus (even in the Old Testament) and talks about how he is King (capitalized because of divinity). According to the words in the Bible, Jesus suffered a gruesome death and spiritual punishment so that I might truly live. Truly... live. Those are words that catch my attention. I believe Jesus is who he said he is. That he is God as a man, King, my Redeemer. He is my way out of not just addiction to pornography and masturbation (for I know my addiction runs much deeper than these.) Mainly, my addiction to myself. He promises to forgive me completely for my sins (according to his death on my account). If this man is who he said he is (God), and he has faced death on account of my terrible deeds (paying the wages of my sin), and then clothes me in his perfect righteousness (making me perfect before God), then he deserves my life and my worship. My reason to defeat addiction to pornography and masturbation just became an eternal war for my soul. My Plan Be Proactive: I will intentionally avoid temptation and falling into my old habits. -Pray Constantly (1 Thessalonians 5:17)-Study The Scriptures (Psalm 119:11)-Confess/Be Open When/If I Mess Up (James 5:16)-Look At This Daily Through Book Study-Sexual Sanity For Men by David White If you want to join me in this, please say so. I need accountability and momentum with others. Today is Day 1. -WoahBroNoFap
All my best wishes go with you on your journey, my brother! May the Lord of Life bless you and make you strong. If you ever need to talk, PM me. I've been masturbation free for two years, and it's because of Jesus' strength augmenting my will to overcome my addiction.
