I cant remember the last time I didn't use PMO for high degree of stressful situations in my life or perceived stress. My family didn't exhibit a lot of touching or feeling, I'm sure its part of that, and I struggled with real human connections, and intimacy. I used it as a crutch in my first real relationship, my second, and now in my marriage. I feel hugely embarrassed, and I have justified it by saying its "stress relief". There is only one issue with this, at times of anxiety, I use that as means to get the 'hit' I need. Then I tend to sleep which wastes the time away, and I feel great deal of panic. I have also started using it as means of anger management. Instead of dealing with the panic state that my wife can put me under in her own state of anxiety, I will use it as a means of dealing with the stress. The other is I travel a lot, my mind starts racing about people in other rooms as well perhaps having healthy sex, and I turn to it. I am at a loss presently to take control of my life and get shit done instead of just turning to PMO. I feel pretty depressed right about now.
I hear you. Makes sense to me man. This shit is so so addictive and powerful. I had nearly 2 weeks, then relapsed. Then I had a few days, and just a few hours ago I relapsed. It's fucked up. But, thankfully, for this hour, I'm free. And I'm thankful for that.
Welcome @Pdxheal, I'm glad you're here. I think I know what that low feeling is like (although I am not claiming to know what depression is like in the strict sense, if that's what you mean). All I can say is that it can and does get better. If I can help, please don't hesitate to ask me anything.
