Struggling newb

I cant remember the last time I didn't use PMO for high degree of stressful situations in my life or perceived stress. My family didn't exhibit a lot of touching or feeling, I'm sure its part of that, and I struggled with real human connections, and intimacy. I used it as a crutch in my first real relationship, my second, and now in my marriage.
I feel hugely embarrassed, and I have justified it by saying its "stress relief".
There is only one issue with this, at times of anxiety, I use that as means to get the 'hit' I need. Then I tend to sleep which wastes the time away, and I feel great deal of panic.
I have also started using it as means of anger management. Instead of dealing with the panic state that my wife can put me under in her own state of anxiety, I will use it as a means of dealing with the stress. The other is I travel a lot, my mind starts racing about people in other rooms as well perhaps having healthy sex, and I turn to it.

I am at a loss presently to take control of my life and get shit done instead of just turning to PMO. I feel pretty depressed right about now.