PMO addiction & schools .

I know that some people on this website still go to school , and since schools are a week away , if not already here , I decided to start this thread.

I can't describe how uncomfortable writing this feels , but school is like a nightmare to me , and social anxiety only makes it worse . Over the past few years before nofap and anything like that , I would usually get hit on or be used in school , get back home , throw my bag , go to my computer , well ... you know the rest. I've always felt like watching all the other guys from a distant planet , and when anyone gets close to my planet , I get terrified and run away . I have friends but I kept feeling like I was losing them everyday . Now I look back and I can't point my finger on one of them and say that one there is my friend . There were people who always ignored me , others who talked about me behind my back , people whom I trusted and then they stabbed me in the back ( That's a bit dramatic ....) , and whenever anything like that happened I resorted to PMO.

Now let's get to the problem :
1- I fear that nothing has changed throughout this whole year. ( I started nofap on April. )
2- I fear that I will go back to my old PMO-addicted self when I get back to school.(No , I won't let that happen)
3- I fear that once I've rebooted , nothing would've happened , and I would not find anything else to blame .
4- Last time when I got to day 30 I could feel a huge confidence boost (compared to day 1) and I was afraid that I have changed so much that I will then lose all my old friends.

Over the past few days (and for the next ones as well I presume) I have been feeling so depressed and scared that it's driving me crazy .

I would really hate for anyone to feel the same way , but just in case , you're not alone.

P.S: I'm not usually that weak , I just felt like opening up because I became overwhelmed with depression lately.

 

Someone very valuable to my heart told me one day that she had such panic attacks due to social anxiety that she faint several times at work and school. As I myself am extremely self-aware and having a general tendency to make my school life a real horror film, I asked her how she did to become the amazingly open, relaxed and confident woman she is now (I'm 20, she must be about 55). She replied so simply. "Always acknowledge the fact that the people in front of you are as terrified as you are". Nothing more. Fake it till you make it. And it's extremely helpful. You don't know how the people in front of you feel; maybe there exactly like you but put a mask of confidence. Maybe they really are confident and so there is nothing to fear from them because they will be honest towards you and it's the most important and what you should thrive for. I know, sorry, words are just words. But I can tell you that I used to be the saddest and the most socially terrified girl you'll ever hear about and now, well I'm normal. It's a good starting point hey?


About the depression, yeah I'm feeling that too, deeply. Thinking of you bro. You're not alone too.

I wish you the best of strength in your journey. Lose hope and you're literally a dead man.

 

Thank you all for your replies , you took a load off my chest

@Mr.Z : "Don't be afraid to make a mistake" : how can I not be afraid when everyone around my is like a radar for mistakes to laugh at with his friends ,
"the greatest problem we face is our paying too much attention to other people's opinion about us. : I acknowledge that problem but I know that this one has something to do with my addiction since at day 30 I only laughed at people who made fun of me in an mmo game , although I think I would feel differently if that happened in real life , there was an improvement .
"You can't sit there and wait for things to happen." That's the only thing I don't agree with you in , I have tried countless times to rush my rebooting process , but failed , confidence to do things comes with time (that is why I was trying to reboot during my summer vacation , but you can see how that plan failed )

@msa2388 : I really want to make friends but what I fear was never how I acted as much as it was how the other person would act , before you get to know someone there is always this shell they surround themselves in (mean , anger , sarcasm) , and this is the thing I fear the most, that's why I only tend to make friends with people like me who are most vulnerable and don't have a shell.

@Anne-Dauphine : "Always acknowledge the fact that the people in front of you are as terrified as you are" : I try to be friends with all the terrified people in school , the ones that are not terrifed are the problem.
Fake it till you make it. , I must try that , thanks .
Btw , is that you in the picture?

Thanks again for all your support , you have no idea how much you've helped me ,and I hope to hear from you soon.

 

I know bro, I know, it's so hard. Even the people you genuinely admire and yearn to be friend with can be monsterz in your head. Seriously, it's super helpful; it forces you to turn your brain off and act as if you were as at ease as the person in front of you. And sometimes it works and you become yourself and boom you're both at ease even if it's faked and yourself.

Yis dat's meh Boyish gurl ghost, forest-sized soul, saved slave, shaved saviour, call me Ayzaltus Salbalanjo, believe in you, believe in God. Bleached hair, blue hair, self-tattooed, self-care, ripped skins, dead kings, guts smoking, in the cold air. Wait for the day my painted ugly face will be on someone's else's living room And my shit written with ink in someone's blood haha. I can't waitttt. Money, Power, Glory to God! Sorry I'm a bit crazy. Have the nicest day ever! I'm thinking of you, I hope you'll make it, you seem to be an awesome man and you deserve to feel better so, so much.

 

252 days! you sir are my hero right now! I wish I could get there!

 

@Anne-Dauphine : "Yis dat's meh .... Sorry I'm a bit crazy"
Well since you've gone that far presenting yourself ,

As for me , an open book , with gibberish words , You walk away , you lose a friend , of endless care , and a dancing soul . You take a look , you hear 2 hearts , one my own , will eventually stop , the other a King's , and forever it lasts for you to follow.

I don't think I have any intention of having my face in somebody's living room , however .

You are an extraordinary person , and I wish you the happiest of lives .
The reason I asked whether or not this face was yours , is because I really think you deserve a big smile on it . I'm not kidding , can you change your picture to a one where you're smiling ?

Thank you very much for your replies , and I'm sorry I'm a bit late .

 

Oh nu nu nu. I'm not extraordinary at all. My flaws are Canis Majoris - sized. I'm a below average human being - for now. I'm a work in progress, probably as much as you are, because you're here and thriving for progress.

I loved that little rhythmic conversation!! It's the kind of small life's joy that brings a huge smile on my face and warm to my heart. It's so simple. It's refreshing.

That's the perks of being an art student drawing almost exclusively auto-portraits I guess If you like my stuff, you basically like my face lmao. I feel like I'm tricking everyone.


Hahaha XDD Ok man, perfect, I surrender, tomorrow I'll buy some batteries for my camera

Hit me up whenever you want man! I can't promise I'll be helpful, but I promise I'll do the best I can.

Have the best day!