44 and starting reboot

Welcome. What works for me is making a list of shit I want to get done. Best to start simple and as you cross those things off the list, you can begin to add more challenging ones. It's a great way to stay focused and build confidence and motivation. Feels great too! All the best to you

 

Do you think that counselling (CBT?) might help? Depression is insidious may be cause or effect of PMO. The ED may be partly due to depression too. Suggest get professional advice. PS whatever else you are NOT a worthless loser.

 

Post-divorce depression, or "grief" as I called it, was really hard on me, @wingnut-999. I never did handle trials well, and can blame my divorce mostly on pmo making me be a very bad and hostile version of myself. Then, divorce really created a hole in me, an emptiness which threatened to erase my identity in the void. The addiction was only making it worse. And, I figured it out. So, I started making the right improvements. I wasn't healed until relapsing a few times into my second marriage, to my everlasting shame. My wife was able to forgive me and help me work through it. I believe I would have made it without her, but the journey with a partner ("rebooting in a relationship") was easier. In hindsight, I would have been better off repairing more of my problems before remarrying. Because, the relapsing could just have easily wrecked a second marriage as well, and all credit is to Mrs. Vx for her forgiveness and strength.

There is such a thing as just creating longer cycles. Like, get in a 7-day thing. Then, a 30-day thing. But, isn't that better? When I was in the 90-day cycle, I honestly felt like a decent person. I'm *really* happy to be way beyond that now. But, you know? Like, keep working on it and everything you do will pay off, sir.

 

Hang in there, brother. The brain literally has chemicals that need to readjust to your new chosen lifestyle. You're getting off the downward spiral. There's some links and reading about depression on this site that can help. Clinical depression is a serious syndrome and should be treated medically.

Dealing with a breakup is harsh. Where did you used to find peace in life? What was satisfying to your soul? A few years back, how did you envision your life at this point? Those kinds of questions are great to really meditate and focus on and the answer will pop out. Maybe lots of ideas. Focus on one at a time that day. Then, another the next day. Be sure about what you want to do to make dreams happen.

Nothing happens for the addict seeking a fix. Now, you'll really achieve things in life. A relationship that matches *that* new you perfectly will happen, man. Be the best that you can be.

 

Hello,

I used to be very active on this site as well as the paid to play nofap reboot camp, but it’s been a while since I was active. I’m an older member (45) but I was 43 when I first found this community. Do a search for the “get eductated, get tools” thread and read it (its long). That should help you get started. I hope to stay active again moving forward, so don’t hesitate if you have questions.

 

No, it’s the brain giving you rest by rewiring. The desire will be returned once you finish the flatline. Just focus on yourself like lifting, running, becoming a better man and just continue to connect with your beautiful woman.

 

Get an Accountability Partner
Take a cold shower
Do push-ups
Do a jog outside
Go to a gym
Get out of place and do work at a coffeehouse
Go to a place of faith if you are a believer

Take it a day by day and don’t be too hard on yourself.

 

@wingnut-999 it's definitely difficult in times like that.

@seaguy44 is talking about my FAVORITE techniques. All-the-way cold shower even for just 5 minutes is amazing. Wear a bathing-suit if there's any attendant temptations.

@2525 has a great list of 50+ habits that include some preventative types of things, as well. When we have a lot of things to fill our lives, it really helps. And, doing meaningful things will help the most and keep motivation high.

 

Just hang in there brother..You are not alone..everyone here supports you. Yes its not like the same as having someone physically present with you but you are strong and you can go through this urge. This urge will pass in a few hours in not minutes, and after that the feeling of pride you'll experience will be the taste of victory against this addiction.
Do things, get out or even just move around the house. Someone above here suggested some things you can do..do them.
Also I read that you feel sad not to be turned on with the women you dated or are dating. It sucks and believe me many go through this, so again you are not alone and this problem is solvable. What i want to suggest for this issue is a change in mindset. Take it as a game as opposed to a problem. Now your goal at this game is to have fun with the person you date. Not necessarily in a sexual way but just have FUN with a real person. Don't even think about being intimate now. Your job when you go on a date is to give her a great fun time and enjoy yourself in that process. It'll do 2 things:
1. Create a genuine connection btw you two
2. Both of you will become more supportive of each other.
It can also make you realize that maybe the person doesn't match your interests or so but the main point here is that your aim should be to have a good time and to show her a good time in a non sexual way. When there is a real intimate connection it becomes easier to get turned on etc. Do things which brings out the best in you, go horserding, gokarting, paintball etc, these activities will also bring out dopamine release in your body in a natural and healthy way.
Stay Strong brother...all the best

 

If you were in a total flatline even porn would have zero effect. Imagine that.
Yes it can get that bad. Pull yourself together and stop now while the brain still functions somewhat.

It's going to take a couple weeks of No O for the depression to lift min. You really need to keep trying and it sounds like quickly.

 

@wingnut-999 Quick answer: I did need to cut off the MO. Because of my moral convictions, it led to shame. Also, it seemed to require me to seek more excitement. It did not help me control myself to not control that aspect of my life, as well. I actually did that first. P was difficult to quit, but easier after the M was completely gone.