Ok here's my story. I'm a 21year old college student. I'm straight always loved females, but i developed HOCD last year, & its freaking me out. Here's how it happen, last year i lost my job, so i couldn't go back to school for a year within that time, i was in a drought i wasn't getting no pussy. So since i didn't have a job & i wasn't in school, i started watching porn daily to the point i got addicted too it & my dick stop getting hard. So i started to watch more hardcore porn like girls getting tied up, Gangbangs, ect to get me off. Once that got boring, I came across transgendered person porn & masturbated too it, This is where my HOCD started to kick in. At first it started to freak me out, but then i got used to it & started watching it. Now every since then, thoughts been going through my head like "Am i gay" every time i hear the words "gay" or "transgendered person" it causes anxiety. I can't clear my mind because of this I stopped watching porn all together & I'm doing 90day NoFap, This shit killed my self esteem and my confidences, I need some advice. Should i tell my mom about this ? i feel like i need too vent to some one. Does hocd go away ? I go back to school in JAN, so I want to get back to the old me
Hey man, first of all, I'm beyond sorry to hear all that for you. I think it would be healthy to tell someone about it, not necessarily your mother, but if you have a good bond with her, that would be a good idea. There's a great article on YBOP about how porn will actually morph our sexual tastes, and that our brains will return back to normal by our removal from porn http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ask-us-iam-attracted-to-gay-transsexual
Hi !, I think it is not a good idea to talk with mother, keep it for yourself - at least for now. You should find accountability partner which you can talk to everytime you are one step to PMO. I don't think you're becoming gay, your brain just needed new experiences with porn that's why you were attracted to transwoman porn. You should think about starting hardmode. - that's why you are thinking about that gay stuff and that's why it is freaking you out !, believe me there is nothing wrong with you and starting nofap will make it clear to you. I'm also 21, also a student so i know how much pressure there is on you.
HOCD goes away yes! But you have to abstain PMO completely. Come on man! You can do this! You don't have to feel anxiety everytime you hear the word gay. Don't worry, you're not gay. You say you always loved females, so you're straight. You're not homosexual. Reboot now and prepare for a long and healthy life without HOCD and anxiety.
I just finished reading the article on YBOP, Thanks everybody who replied it really helped. & I took your advice & decided to keep this to my self without talking to my family about it for now, I'm already under alot of stress with this HOCD, I Masturbated so much within a year I have Low testosterone, Erectile Dysfunction, & all of this messed up my confidence & they wouldn't understand right now, I want to get to the point where I completed my 90days no PMO or at lest half way before I start to vent, home is the last place i want to feel uncomfortable right now. Instead I'm going to start hitting the gym to relieve stress, start meditating, & read books, just stay positive & active. I'll keep you guys updated once i make progress
