The fall of PMO. My journey.

DAY 0: <Annoyed, Frustrated and Tired>
So I went ahead and relapsed like a dope yesterday at 1AM. -_- (without porn but that really doesn't matter much in the end since i'm not addicted to it to begin with) I've really grown frustrated at how gripping this addiction can become, especially considering that simply a minute of this kind of artificial pleasure can ruin both my mental and physical well-being. Each time i relapse, the next day is COMPLETELY a shit-fest for me. I have brain fog, memory loss (short-term), lethargy, demotivation and drowsiness lasting for the 24 hours that follow, yet it seems when the chaser effect kicks in, i always stumble.
I started M at 12 and P at 13 and I honestly feel like the last 4 years of my life have been a blur- to say the least. I had multiple opportunities to get gf's and i turned all of them down like the mind-slave to this habit i was. I used to be a top student and now i'm fighting for average. But that's fine; i believe that's just a part of growing up. But it'll only become that if I chose to MOVE ON from it, and that is exactly where I tend to fail (hence my addiction and shitty marks).
I've started this journey about a bit more than 1 month ago actually and i've reduced my M frequency to about an average of 3-4 days. My maximum streak was 11 days and my minimum was 2 days (once).
[I'm really talking to myself here but anyone reading this can feel free to join the mood.]
So this is where i really declare war. I am FED UP of this mindless habit. It DRAINS me, KICKS at me, SCREWS me over, DEMORALISES me, WEAKENS my mentality, and makes me a poor excuse for the person i ought to be.
Everyday following M is a drag. ZERO productivity, ZERO focus, ZERO energy, and ZERO tolerance for society.
SO THE NEXT TIME YOU FEEL THIS WAY:
- REMEMBER the agony of being a burden
- REMEMBER the frustration of being a loser
- REMEMBER the pain at having to hit zero
- REMEMBER the dowfall as others hit one more on their counters and you're static
- REMEMBER that TWO DAYS OF YOUR GODDAMN LIFE HAVE BEEN FLUSHED DOWN THE FUCKING TOILET AND NOT JUST YOUR CUM-FILLED TISSUE PAPER (Okay i laughed at this line tbh, but seriously)
DO NOT GIVE IN. DO NOT YIELD. DO NO BEND YOUR WILL. DO NOT GIVE UP HOPE. DO NOT DOUBT YOURSELF. DO. NOT. RESET.
Just remember: you declared war today SO FUCKING WIN.

 

Thanks a lot man. Your words hit home. Same to you too!

 

Yes! Words to live by indeed! Thanks! See you on day 1

 

DAY 1: <lively, energetic, happy>
Day one just passed and i'm on to day two. The next post will be for day 5 or 7, whichever one i get time to relish in Today was amazing. I woke up in a fan-fucking-tastic mood and my energy level seems to be double that of yesterday. I'm really surprised the effects are kicking in so soon this time. I got a lot of work done too so that's another good sign! Day 5, here i come

 

Thank you man. I'm really glad my words helped someone. Let's beat the shit outta P and M bro!

 

DAY 4: <rejuvinated, content>
Hey guys. I know this is earlier than i promised but i'm just so mentally content right now, i thought it would be a shame not to immortalise it in text. The last two days have been particularly worthy of note. The urges came right up on days 2 and 4 at night, but i easily pushed them away. I guess that's a good start, but i've gotta be careful because this just means a tough one is coming ahead. I'm surprised at the amount of energy i already have. That, and the motivation and also the focus and the memory and the hair growth and i really could go on. I really feel like i'm on steroids right now. Hahahahahahaha! I also found it in me to ask a girl out, so i guess that's improvement too!!! Day 5 in just a few hours. PMO's struggle begins now man. I AM GODDAMN LEGION FOR A REASON! (***testosterone roar***)

 

Just what i needed to hear! Thank you bro!!!!

 

Just what i needed to hear! Thank you bro!!!!

DUDE THIS IS GOLD! HELL YES! THAT IS *EXACTLY* HOW I FEEL. ON FUCKING POINT YO! This just helped A WHOLE LOT. Like really. Thank you! I honestly can't wait for flatline now hahahahaha

 

DAY 6: <Happy, Accomplished, at Peace>
It's gonna be day 7 in just a bit and i really am glad i made it this far, to say the least. It's a bit unsettling that no particularly strong urges have surfaced yet, but i guess that's just me prepping for the main war with the strong cravings (which most people report come about day 14). I'm running on 5 hours of sleep at the moment but i really don't feel as fatigued as i normally would. My outlook and tolerance have clearly changed for the better too. I can't even remember getting angry at all today. People were also clearly more conversational with me during the day (i literally had a small crowd at a time ^-^ ), so i really can vouch for some of these "superpowers" now! I'm a bit mentally shaky for the cravings everyone talks about though. Any tips? Like i said, I'm really not going back on my war declaration anytime soon. PMO is going down- easy or not. I'm WAITING for these cravings this time. Hehehe (*creepy face*)

 

Yeah! Exactly. Staying busy is the cure. I went through something similar to the urges yesterday actually!

 

DAY 8: <Close call. WAY to damn close>
Yesterday I almost relapsed. Almost. In my sleep. I know all about wet dreams, mind you, but still- i believe i had some part to play in it. Yesterday night, literally 10 minutes before i was gonna go to sleep, an old friend (who has a crush on me, as stated by many many other people) messaged me. She was having a sleepover with another girl, and i guess they decided to ring me up once i ignored the messages. I mean, i dont hate them or anything, but i'm really trying to avoid girls at the moment in general. I keep finding out girls like-like me and that's never really a comforting thought in a PMO streak for me. I'm really not bragging btw. I honestly just need time to centre my hormones during this streak and i don't wanna be in the middle of a goddamn testosterone rush when a girl like her rings me up and i tell her to literally GTFO. But long story short, turns out the other girl is one I had a crush on too. You can imagine what happened. She likes me, i like her; nobody confessed; the video call is over after 20 mins; bedtime calls and my hormones are all confused...
2.14 AM and i get this hell of an erotic sex dream with that other girl. Actually, it's kinda funny here because i must've realised i was gonna ejaculate because even in the dream, i pushed her off. And then i woke up with one HELL of a boner. Close call. Really damn close call. But even though i felt like i'd masturbated (sex dream obv) till midday, the feeling quickly dissipated after that. I guess i'm kinda impressed at what i did in the dream, and i just wanted to share this with people. It really must be the fighting spirit i've built up after all this time. If PMO can't get me when i'm sleeping, there's no way in heaven or hell or fucking Pluto i'm gonna give up when i'm awake. I truly home someone relates to this, because you'll know how awesome this kinda unconscious self-control feels. Next goal: DAY 14

 

DAY 11: <THANK YOU ALL>
As i mentioned before, 11 days was my max streak and it looks like i'm there again. This post might be a bit long so if you really wanna get to the relevant part, please jump 3 paragraphs down. Thank you.

Yesterday and the day b4 that, i had really strong urges and was damn close to a relapse on both days. I really would've gone ahead and mucked things up but i decided to use a last resort and post up about my situation.
The replies were literally phenomenal for me. I was literally astounded by the number of people who replied and scrolled up and down more times than i cared to count.
Thank you ALL. ALL OF YOU. I really do salute you guys. I know 11 days is a meagre number, especially since "infinity" should be the number of days we spend without P and M (seeing how we're aiming to quit them for life), but this is a stepping stone for me- and a HUGE one at that.

* jump here!

It is rightly said that the urges are strongest at first and then slowly dwindle as time passes, so the way i see it is that you guys helped me through the worst possible phase of this addiction. The way i picture it is that urges on day 11 will be the strongest i get from now on. Tomorrow will be just a bit better. Just a bit- but it is better after all, isn't it? And guess whose support brought me there? You guys. Not just you guys obv, but just the entire nofap community simply existing is a marvellous morale boost for me- but then you were the ones who responded so that's all i really care about
I know that since i made it today, i can make it any other day now. And that satisfies me to no end. This is my journey- yes, but for all my intents and purposes, it would've ended right HERE if i didn't get your support. So please allow me to mention you all, one by one as a show of my thanks:
@Igaleksus
@sknnyjns
@TIMMY0110
@TimeToQuitNow
@AcesCracked
@newdawn(10-17)
@dxx
@superninjared
@namaycush
Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart. The day i reach my 90 day streak is the day i'll look back on this post as my main turning point and THAT is the day i'll appreciate your help even more. You guys helped me through the worst stage of my recovery and i believe all of you are older than me- you really cannot imagine how protected (from myself) and directed i feel knowing that. Really. One last time; i thank you all. Please tell me if i can ever make it up.