trying to stay positive...

I use the word husbands but if your wife is the PA just change it to wife as you read.

I think our husbands are the loving men we have always thought they were. i am trying to be positive
i do not always think this way
and i will not lie and say that its an easy thing to try to think this way. but someone said that you have to choose to recover everyday and that is what i am trying now.
I think our husbands are the loving men we have always thought they were. i do think they love us and adore us etc. I think they were operating at 40-60% before. The P was controlling the rest of them. I think after Dday they were operating at say 20-50% because the shame and guilt and P that still clouds their minds took over even more. I think once they start reboot and get further along in it, i think they begin to operate 80-100%. I do think they can do it. I do think they can operate at 80-100% and be all about us. Have us be their #1 and not their sloppy seconds or chasers.
i know this sounds overly positive but id like to think of the addiction like that. its an easier concept.

I think prior to dday we were operating at 80-100%, giving our men love, attention, sex (or trying), giving them our all.
After dday i think we shrunk to (or many shrunk to) 20-50%. The betrayal trauma, the hurt, the pain, the shame, confusion, etc etc took over the rest.
I think once we start to recover and see out husbands improve and try harder and be more interested in us, i think then we can operate at 40-60%.
I think its going to take the help of our husbands to reach 80-100%. I think we need to see them trying to help "us" (as in the relationship) in order to get to 80-100% normalcy.

As i said before i am trying to choose recovery and positive thoughts. and to me this is a positive thought about the screwed up life that has become reality with all of us. i tried to rationalize the addiction and to me this is a positive understanding of it
thanks for reading thus far.
any thoughts, comments?

 

i sure hope so. i think i am between 30-70% its a slow process. so days are good some are bad