Hi All, fap free for nearly 2 weeks!

Hi All,

I thought I would say hello, I am in my mid 40s, got into porn at 14, starting shoplifting to get it, and then edging to enjoy the rewards of the massive risks I had taken as a public (private) school boy. If I had got caught, I would have been suspended, or expelled, the schools' reputation would have been effected.

Just after I left boarding school, I was 16, working in my dads' shop, one lunch hour I decided to buy a magazine, and discovered Femdom, as I flicked through the pages, everything seemed to disappear, my hands were shaking, it was absolutely intoxicating! But at the same time I was quite disturbed by it.I fapped over and over again to that mag.couldn't stop.

I developed a pattern where I would try and not buy any more porn, but every few weeks, I would go to the newsagent, wait until no one else was in there, buy the mag, then walk home, praying that I wouldn't meet anyone I knew, as I was frightened that it would fall out of my jacket. I would then get home and fap as soon as possible, to escape.

I got into drink and drugs,so porn was always there, but took a back seat quite a lot.Fapping would vary depending on what I'd taken, for example on speed, I would be fapping all night, ecstacy would be similar, and cannabis I would do it but not so much.

I used phone lines a few times years ago, but they were too expensive, and my mother gave me a hard time (no pun intended!) which was embarrassing to say the least.I went into treatment back in '96 for chemical dependency, and didn't fap for the first 6 weeks of rehab, the longest time ever. I have been clean and sober for 16 years now.

I have known for a long time that I fapped to fix my feelings,but justified it tomyself that I was single, and other people had sex lives, so I had my fap life. One or two friends of mine are in sex addicts anonymous, and gave it up. During the last few years, I have had access to online porn, a session always starts with facesitting, then anal, different BDSM stuff,then other femdom stuff, recently I progressed to femdom toilet slavery,scat. I felt a bit ashamed about this, and started to wonder what I would be looking at next. I can see how some people get into child porn, because they need more depraved stuff to get off on.

Ten years ago I got a book on how to conserve sexual energy by not ejaculating, the idea is that you can fap (but not for hours to porn) and have as much sex as you like, and it does you good, as you can do techniques for transmuting the energy you have built up.

So I would edge for hours, on average about 5 hours, though I once did it for 8 hours, after a session my feet would be frozen, and I would have a bath sometimes to get my circulation going again.I haven't done it as much recently,maybe because of my age, but I have still been doing it, I found your site a few days ago, and decided to give it a go. So far it hasn't been too bad, though I got very irritable a couple of days ago, and have had one or two pervy thoughts, and got aroused, but didn't fap, so I want to abstain, to see what it's like.

My last PMO was 27th november, the last edge was on the 29th, I wish everyone on here all the best.

Also you may be interested to know there is a program on porn on www.thepeoplesvoice.tv on sunday I think, on a show called 'WTF'. There is a lot of other great stuff on there about all sorts of other stuff too, great station!

I will be back to report on my progress, I am getting 'thoughts' as I write this, I know I can overcome them, it's just a need for contact with a woman, and I can see now that extreme porn has been substitute for that.

That's all for now, Bye.

 

Hi, thanks, ok I take the point about referring to specific genres of porn.

 

Hi, thanks very much, good advice. it'll be 3 weeks on wednesday since I last fapped and came, and 3 weeks on friday since I last looked at porn and fapped without coming.

So far i am noticing that I have mild anxiety, usually during the day, and I feel tired a lot.apart from that it seems to be going ok.