So after making it a record 18 days, which included blasting through the hardest part and getting "over the hump", and feeling a whole new sense of confidence and excitment over this sense of being free, a poor decicion coupled with bad circumstances led to a reset yesterday. I'm really only posting this because it help to get the thoughts I have out in the open somewhere. I'm really dissapointed with myself. I had come so far, made it further than I ever had before and I was so sure this was it, had that sense that I could do it, that I'd finally made it past the hardest part and could finally break free and be healed. I even noticed how much better a mood I'd been in, and that things with my girlfriend were better than they ever had been (whihc is saying something, because they are ALWAYS very good). So yeah, pretty dissapointed that I have to start over now. BUT I guess its not so bad. At least this time I'm starting anew with the knowledge that I definitley can do this, that I've alreayd done it once and that it does start to get better.
You try to approach it the right way: you broke your record, sure it isn't what you hoped to achieve but you made an improvement. This time if you let go after 20 days it will still be an improvement. So on and so fourth until you manage to get to these 30 days (and maybe even more ). Not everybody takes this kind of challenge and does it in one go, in that case this site wouldn't even exist. Take your time and know your rhythm.
If you don't mind me asking, what triggered it? You've got this though. I think coming directly to this site shows your commitment, even if you did slip.
Don't place too much emphasis on this, all relapses are part of the process. Try and see the big picture. I know it's hard because in the heat of the moment, we become so short-sited in the grand scheme of things. A little over 10 days ago I relapsed after 33 days. What I came to realize though is that just because you had a relapse doesn't erase the fact that you went on a 18 day streak. I know it feels bad, but your progress, in essence, has not been undone. Wait a couple days and you'll be right back in the race, I assure you. Don't relapse again however. A binge compared to a relapse are completely different, and binges are harmful to the entire reboot process. Peace!
RadTrad: I agree with the other comments here - start again with renewed confidence! beauty: You masturbated to porn just once in 6 WEEKS! That is truly impressive! Don't define your progress only by the last time you reset. As you said, try and see the bigger picture. For example, you might get to 90 days with just two relapses. I understand there would be a tinge of disappointment, but it would still be a significant result. Keep going, dude.
Thanks for the spport scott. The trigger was something pretty simple really, and something I knew to avoid. I had a really long (but good) weekend and had decided to sleep in a bit, so I woke up my second time intending to get up. I already knew to avoid having my phone by my bed in the mornings because like every man I wake up with MW and feel really horny, and if my phone is close at hand its to easy to give in and look up what I want. But yesterday morning like I said, I woke up the second time and already had my phone with me because I was resetting my alarm, and I was still kinda fatigued. So that did me in. Even as I was failing though I fought it. Nearly stopped myself several times, ut in the end the "I've already seen it, may as well just go" idea won over. Lesson learned. Keep the phone away from the bed.
day 19-20 was the hardest of all...mostly because every tv channel i turned too had something sexual. I went in the shower to fap and then after a few seconds and the urge passed suddenly...God did it...He took away that overwhelming urge and i can honestly say that I have made it over the hump. Nothing will stop me! TY Jesus
