12 weeks "sober" today

I made it to 60 (again), now I am going for 90. Like I said, this isn't done at 30, 60 or 90 days. It is a complete lifestyle change. I'll write more later, but I just want y'all to know I am still in this. I thought I was on day 62, but my counter says 64. What does it matter? I am (sexually) sober today!

 

I ran a mile

Three and a half months ago, I was still in a wheelchair from injuries sustained on May 24th, 2014. I had five titanium screws installed in my right foot to keep my second and third metatarsals from poking out of the skin on top of my foot, and prevent me from being in that wheelchair for the rest of my life. I had a class-three sprain on my other ankle, which made it impossible to walk. Today, walking is still painful.

But right now, October 17th 2014, I am in East park by my house and I just ran 1 mile. It took me 15:40.02 to do it, but I ran a mile. A whole mile, people! Jesus said, Loren, rise up and walk. And I did! Not only did I walk, but I did the impossible. I ran an entire mile! I hadn't even run ten steps since my injury in May.

Actually God did the impossible, not me. He showed his power, and his love, and his way of life by inspiring me to get up today, on my FIFTIETH birthday, put on my runnin' shoes and run. I ran five thousand two hundred and eighty feet! And it only took me fifteen minutes, forty seconds, and twenty milliseconds. One mile. Wow. Thank you God for your grace and healing power. From the half mile mark, all the way to the end, I was bawling. Big fat tears were streaming down my face. Tears of pain, yes, but that healing-type of good pain. But it was more tears of gratitude and indescribable feelings of victory over the flesh. This journey has been so full of miracles; it has been a major awakening to me. I experienced no regret, no shame, no resentment for my injury or anything related to it. I have only felt gratitude. I am grateful that God let me fall on the stairs. I am grateful for these months of recovery. I am grateful for each member of my family, who have supported me through all of these months of recovery. I am grateful for what I have learned.

I am grateful and amazed. I am amazed at my new freedom and new happiness. I do not regret the past nor do I wish to shut the door on it. I understand the meaning of the word serenity and I know inner peace. It doesn't matter how low my rock-bottom moment was because I see how much my own experience can benefit others. I have no feelings of uselessness or self-pity. I feel like I have lost interest in selfish things and that I have gained interest in my fellows. My self-seeking seems to have slipped away. My whole attitude and outlook on life has changed. I have no fear of people or financial insecurity. It seems like I intuitively know how to handle situations which used to completely baffle me. I have realized and I know that God is now doing for me what I could not do for myself. I am eternally grateful for God's gift of recovery to me. I am grateful for my new friends Bill W and Roy K. Thank you God for these gifts. Oh and I'm also glad my feet and ankles are recovering so nicely. :-D

I am 73/74 days today, but the best thing is I've only had 2 relapses since April 1, 2013. The year before I may have had 20 or 30! Thank you all for your support.

Loren

 

I want you guys to know I am still in this. I am still reaching out to help whoever wants to work with me to beat this addiction. I am at 117 days today. Thanks everyone for your support, messages, PMs, kiks, Skype and Whatsapp messages, texts and phone calls. I really appreciate everyone on here and how much you are all trying.

Loren

 

120 days today

One thing i have learned in all of this is that happiness never gets here. It is always already here. I can deny it, and "wait" for something that will "give" me the happiness, or I can embrace the present reality and truly love what is, the way it is.

This way, I am always genuinely happy. And I already have my goal. I already have permanent sexual sobriety. I am not waiting for day number ______ so ___________ will be better. I have exactly what I need, right now. I get urges. I get blue balls. I am having less sex lately. I've gone totally without for up to 3 months. I gained some weight. Sometimes I feel tired or my joints are sore. It is all good. Life couldn't possibly be sweeter.

I am not just repeating to myself that I am happy. It comes from deep within. There is an amazing joy underlying all of these so-called problems that life dishes out. I just go with it. Being in the Now. Loving what is. Being the IS.

I AM.