Why don't you have a sex?

What drives all of us here at nofap isn’t merely pmo but an unhealthy sex-lust. That’s why a lot of people here will talk about porn substitutes like prostitution, or dating. There is no getting off porn if we don’t correct the attitudes that underlie the pmo abuse. So, a married person quickly finds that they can use their spouses as prostitutes, or porn-substitutes. This eventually leads back into porn use and is hurtful to the person being used. They sense it. And using a spouse in this way is bad for the husband and for the wife.
You might as well ask, why not just pay for a prostitute whenever the urge is upon you? The answer is that it simply leads to a greater desire for porn and prostitution.

Tldr: experience. Pornify your marriage and you’ll just want more porn. Have to learn a better way, a unselfish way to have sexual relations with the spouse.

 

I don't think that drives me. What's unhealthy sex-lust? I agree use of prostitutes and porn is unhealthy. But maybe because I have fetishes and am fine with them (they mostly predate my porn use) I think things are fine that other people see as porny because they've been part of my sex life for years. Anyway I know they're fine and healthy for me in a way that porn isn't.

 

Damn.... Your comment described me perfectly w/ my GF SMH Thank you for the insight. Very well stated.

 

Do u think there is a line? Or does “anything go”?

 

Having sex at the drop of a hat happens early in the relationship then life takes over. So there was a time when you would wake up in each others arms and ML all day, but this fades away the longer the relationship develops.

Anything could happen in a relationship that will remove sex from routine, there could be ovarian cysts that could take a year to diagnose and fix, difficult pregnancies and postnatal (/partum) depression, having kids, eating disorders, self esteem issues, breast cancer diagnosis-operation-recovery-5 years of debilitating cancer medication which removes libido and makes you gain 150lbs, husband spending months away working, husband going away to war and coming back a different person, panic attacks, anxiety, OCD, depression, fybriods that take a year to diagnose and fix and mental health issues that require years of therapy.

Every couple grows together and so do their responsibilities, btw all of the examples above are an abridged history of my own 20 year marriage. Issues I couldn't cope with so I withdrew into a man-child who found PMO as a escape. This developed into a full blow PA which I am only now making amends to repair and become a proper husband, man and human being.

 

I'm not sure what you mean. It's not "anything goes" because I don't want just any and every sort of sex. I don't want gay sex for example so there's a thing that doesn't go. I don't want to do anything illegal, which is good. I don;t understand why having fetishes means you'd think anything goes. I'd worry if I had fetishes that very few women were into. Luckily for me some women like what I like.

I'll avoid discussing fetishes in any detail.

What I mean is I don't want to purify my sex life. I like fetish x. It's always really excited me, and I've done it with multiple women. I want to keep doing it and don't think it's a problem. What is a problem for me is porn and PMO partly because I don't like the porn industry but mainly because of PIED. I want to stop porn so I can do more of fetish x.

In a way internet porn is more of a problem for me. I never used to be interested in graphic porn before it got fetishy. The escalation of porn interested me in it for the first time.

I know other guys feel different and that they need to lose their fetishes. Fair enough, I support them. It's not my goal maybe because I know I was acting out on my fetishes before internet porn.

 

I can say porn absolutely fueled my SO fetish . Now a year of no PMO , the interest is there but not as strong as before . His started before internet as well . Before me . I found out about it 8 years after being together . I don’t want to say I didn’t mind it , maybe more so that I was open to it , IF said fetish is enjoyed TOGETHER not individually but not the end all for sex

 

You said man child lol that’s what we say over here in my house too

 

Just curious. Not judging.

 

I’ve read that an addict’s maturity is halted near the time of the addiction taking hold. So I’m a 43 year old teenager, and my wife would agree!

 

No problem.

 

Omg my SO same age in mentality as well ;()

 

Same at my house.

 

Me too! That means I am with a 12 year old ... no wonder he acts like a child haha

 

I wish it were that simple, been trying to do that with no avail...

 

If I was to go back to sex now, nothing would of changed in my mind. I know for a fact since I'm getting withdrawals, I would use him as my release instead of actually feeling the love and the intimacy in sex itself. I don't want to treat him like an object or something just to relieve and ease my frustrations, that's why I'm just going to be a big girl and suffer through the pain to become a better person.

To me, using my SO for my own self needs and the thought of treating him that way makes me sick.