Cold Turkey

Today is my day! I P'ed today but not PMO'd so I am counting this as day one! Not much else to say, other than to get it down on paper that I have committed to this goal...

 

Had to revisit this post to see how long it's been. No PMO, no MO, just a couple Os, with no major notable differences. I wasn't really experiencing any issues with O with a partner, no ED to speak of, I just wanted to ditch P because I don't want to be involved with it anymore. Anyway, 15 days and the streak is alive. I've thought about it a lot but am happy with my progress to date.

 

Was hoping for a month of streak, but still 12 days away? Yikes. I'm hoping a 30 day achievement or 60 day streak will unlock some sort of feeling, leaving P behind for good, but now I feel as though I could go back to my old habits in a heartbeat.

 

It's been a day. One, long day since yesterday. I've been battling a lot, seeing other information out there, with what's normal, or average, with the hopes of convincing myself to abort the mission and change the goal. I joined with an initial goal of 90 days, NoFap, no MO and definitely no PMO. Now I'd begging to change my mind. Partly is because I have a partner, and therefore the occasional O. This complicates things at times, because the recent activity actual makes me want to O, MO or PMO in the day or days following. Partly is because I have a fresh memory in my mind, I suspect, but in any case, MO is still on my mind. I suppose its a positive sign that I want to MO and not PMO, though P is not too far from my mind. I'm considering joining others' approach of MO only, and no PMO, but my original goal was NoFap for 90 days. Ugh, what day am I on? Merely 19 or so?

 

Closing in on a month...

 

30 days! 60 more to go. Ugh. It's been a long 30...

 

The beginning of the end is upon me. This is basically the start of me talking myself out of a 90 day goal, maybe I can do 45. I find this, or me, is messing with my relationship with my partner. Maybe I'm more sexually frustrated without PMO or MO, and I am not being satisifed by my partner, which is wearing on our relationship. So, I either wait it out and struggle through to 90 days, or I get back to just MO and use this 30 day challenge as a step towards getting away from P all together. Thats what I'd like to do, but I can't tell if that's just me caving to adversity. But PMO wasn't negatively affecting my relationship with my partner, that I could tell, as much as this challenge is. Oh, perhaps long term or indirectly it was, but now I'm living in the present, and presently, things suck between my partner and I. Anyway, the P is what would have been affecting things long term or indirectly, so if I continue to stay away from P, I will seemingly still get the benefits of the challenge, and ditch this current annoyingness with my partner. Maybe that's taking the easy way out, but there's no way I can do Hard Mode, while sleeping in a bed with a partner. Even though they are not willing lately, they are, in theory, available.

 

60 to go? Ha! Well the streak was a lifetime record, so I guess I gotta be happy about that. As far P goes, I'm staying away and keeping that streak going as long as I can. The MO streak is behind me, and perhaps I'll consider similar, smaller or more frequent streaks in the future. 90 days with no P will likely be a record for me that goes back 10 years or so, I'd think. I guess I Was pretty active in my early 20s and didn't have a need or an opportunity for regular P. It's amazing what time and the internet will do to a man's mind.