social anxiety problem

Hi to all, here is my story, I found out two months ago that i may be having problems with porn addiction and i have been trying to quit. I had three streaks during that time, my first streak was 7 days, second streak 26 days and the last streak was 8 days. During those times i only relapsed once with porn but it was some extreme porn. Anyway until my last relapse i noticed a lot of benefits especially social benefits, like more confidence, more social skills and abilities, less social anxiety, i noticed a lot of guys and girls look at me when they talk something in groups like they are trying to impress me and like they find me interesting which i really was during those days, i was really social. I was the guy people wanted to hangout with. Anyway i relapsed yesterday and i have gone out last night and i noticed that i was completely different person, i was really asocial, every time i wanted to say something i felt some kind of awkwardness and i couldn't even look people in the eyes. My question is did anyone else here experienced this and will i gain those benefits back quickly if i don't binge?

 

I would even go further and state, that looking back, most of my depressive periods probably resulted from regular fapping. I have come to this conclusion, because in my abstinent or sexual satisfying times with a partner, there were no depressions at all present. There is a feeling of emotional emptiness and being social unsecure going with too much masturbation. (more often than once the week) And it doesn´t take any porn at all for it, porn is just the trigger for most men today. I´m so sure about this relation, because with abstaining from it, comes to me a re-awakening for beauty of life. To me it feels, like the power of the concentrated orgasmfeeling,now not being wasted in selfinduced short peakhighs, starts to circulate around in the body and activating an optimistic ability to handle my lifechallenges. It´s of course on a lower level than the obvious high of a physical orgasm, but its permanently present (I don´t wake up with anxiety at all then) and it´s emotional satisfying instead. I´m not worrying about social situations and the possible results, but having a relaxed "well, let´s see what will happen next" attitude instead.

I do not feel guilty, when I relapse. But I know, that I will probably regret it, especially when I have build up a longer streak over several months already, because I might miss the positive effects then. I handle it rather like going excessive drunk/hangover. Life goes back to ordinary dullness and feeling boring/empty with the masturbation habit.