[EDIT]15 days first goal passed, I feel empty and have gay thoughts Hi there mates, first post here, but I have lurked here and /r/nofap for a while. I almost hit my first goal (nofap for 2 entire weeks!) and I have to admit 'til 3 days ago I was very sick and now I feel better! I have one question about one little issue I've found on the way. First of all a little introducion about me: 25yo, discovered sexuality with porn when I was 11 and I always had at least one PMO a day, many more when I was alone. My very first time was with a prostitute behind a bush at 17yo, ad the first time with a real girl was the next year. I'm with my actual SO since 2009 and we got married last year. Tried to exit fapping several times without success. I never, EVER had any homosexual fantasies and I never watched gay porn, and altrough I respect gays (my father discovers himself gay after the divorce with my mother, and I'm ok with him and his boyfriend) I always disgusted watching 2 mens having sex, also I had some problems seeing 2 men kissing.. 'Til 2 months ago. I started to woke up in the middle of the night and noticing I was trying to taste my own penis, or getting horny while accidentaly sitting on the tv remote (which has a fallic form), and when my wife was out of town for 1 month I successfully masturbate my butthole with a beer bottle (lately I've read about how dangerous is and I stopped). I still wasn't really in gay porn, but I found very exciting stories about men which had they very passive first time. That has possesed my mind (together with many other fantasies I took from pornography). Now in these 2 weeks I started to be "clean" and dont' have any porn-related thoughts or fantasies, and my relationship started again to be great, but sometimes (when I'm in bathroom, for example) these thoughts come back in my mind again. Are these feelings coming from 14 years or pornography, or I'm actually a bicurious guy? TL;DR: Straight guy poisoned with porn has at 25yo gay passive thoughts, never watched gay porn. Still be attracted by my wife.
Do you want to have a romantic relationship with another guy? if not i doubt you're gay. Could always get the wife to take charge and see if you like it.
Many straight men enjoy anal stimulation, as it is actually one of the pleasure centers in a man's body. Also it is not unheard of for straight men to occassionally enjoy taking a passive role in sex. If you do find that you become sexually attracted to men as well as women I think you just have to recognise it, but not dwell on it. You are married, so let your wife be the focus of your sexual energy.
Bc after years of PMO abuse you Brain has adapted and needs something a bit more exciting to get that hit of dopamine. In my case, being gay, I stayed with gay porn, but it went from soft vanilla stuff to a fetishes. In your case, it's gay fantasies that is new and exciting to you. No, you're not gay either and if you are determind to reboot the urges to view gay material will weaken and soon become none existent. Remember, we are addicts. It's just like a drug addict in coke and switches to heroine for a stronger high bc his body built up a tolerence to coke. Also, exploring your body and seeing what feels the best to you doesn't make you curious. Furthermore, if you never have felt curious to men before, it doesn't mean you are now: once again you're an addict and this is your body acting out. As an 21 year old gay male, please don't hesitate to PM me with any other questions regarding this manner. Good luck!
yes man i fully agree with him you are gay its youre addiction that brought you to those thoughts you are not gay is your that seeking for more excitment
Cyrus I hope you are right! Still trying to focus on myself, but if I watch inside me I only see this, I can't call a "reboot" but I feel a complete factory reset! I have noticed how my behaviour in these years was influenced by PMO and other things (food and videogames addiction), and now I feel just like a 12 years old, rediscovering myself, my mind and my body again. 2 days ago my wife [nsfw]gave me a blowjob[/nsfw], I didn't asked for that but it was great, my first orgasm since I started my noFap challange, but after that I felt just.. empty. Everything is gone, feelings, needs, fears, just the void. I really discovered that "love" was just a survivig program setted by my brain for feeding my needs of company and sex, probably that's why I don't feel any kind of love for any of my relatives, and I lived my life only in force of a outer will. Actually I feel an empty box, I don't feel attraction for anyone (I work in a furniture store, and I see everyday a lot of beautiful people, both men and women), but my only active thought is always the same as the previsious post, [nsfw]dreaming being fucked anally from behend [/nsfw], and I can't ask my wife to do it, because I already know her feelings about that. As you can imagine, I'm confused, like a 11 year old kid. Sorry for my English
