PMO as Escapism

PMO is quite a self soother. I've had some success with keeping a journal to write down my feelings of stress and anxiety (as well as good feelings or anything else on my mind). It's been a good way to keep track of where I've been and what my mental state is and really be honest with myself. I've found myself identifying all the things I've used PMO to soothe away lately by looking at when I get those pangs/urges to act out. Identify those triggers and make specific obstacles to give your mind a little more time to say no. I can always find a way to find porn, regardless of what I do to stop myself. My objective has just been to make it hard enough to make me realize "I put this up for a reason. I want to stop this."

I think if I don't fill the (rather giant) hole that porn has left in my life, I'll go right back to it which is something I don't want to do. In that vain, I've been trying to find specific activities to do when those urges have come along including running, journaling, focusing on a specific goal, drawing, talking with others: friends, SO, random people on the internet (though that one doesn't always work because I'm right near my favorite tool of acting out). Starting next week, I'll go to a trivia night with some friends. Most things that involve socialization and/or distraction can be a good use of time. I've been spending some time trying to improve my mental/spiritual state: reading about PA and overcoming it as well as positive books about my religion and people who have overcome great hardships. Seeing a good therapist while you have an open mind can also do wonders. I realize there are a lot of feelings I've suppressed over the many years of PMO because I couldn't/wouldn't deal with them. Now they're coming back and I need better tools for a more stable mentality.

Good luck and keep coming back.

 

I've been there man and it can be tough. You know, bro, I myself was at my sister's place, right, the place she allowed me to live at, and I had it made, (in my opinion): a downstairs that was as big, if not bigger than my mother's apartment, a TV, a room with a queen sized bed, a big storage space, a huge closet, a bathroom, the works, and I threw it all away, man. I had abstained from pornography and masturbation for about ... 12 days or so, a really long time for me, personally, and I had this plan: give my sister the electronics, especially my laptop, and give her my phone, only taking it when I was at work.

Man, the laptop was left in the kitchen, and I chose to take it and masturbate to pornography. It was the hugest bad decision that I made for years!!! I had this super duper angry look on my face, like I wanted to kill someone, and I was totally oblivious to it, and made a lot of people afraid, had to deal with a lot of gossip, and a bunch of other stuff. Man, I took for a long time wanted to do bad things like PMO to get over it, and it still didn't help.

Have you tried to dig deep as to why you do what you do? I'll be honest, I did what I did because it made me feel good, but in doing it so often I made myself feel horrible, for a lover of pleasure just makes themself feel good, ignores others, and burns the bridges everyone, including themselves, has built. At some point in the cycle I believe I deserved the women, seeing myself on the same level as some guy that would be boyfriend to her, or her husband, (for people nowadays who say they are 'together' do sexual things together, so in doing things of a sexual nature, even in my thoughts, when it came to the women made it seem as if I was the man doing things with her), which is perverted, disgusting, and horrible.

At least you're not in denial, bro, and you can continue to fight and persevere and move forward. Don't give up, brother. You can do it !!!



- Captain Cornelius

 

sounds like you've been plagued even from a young age. You see, these things are like seeds planted, and man to me it was like seeds planted in my heart, because when I was a kid I saw my parents doing it in the living room, and when I was a kid my brother's friend came along and asked me, when I was like ... 7-8, if I had done anything sexual with a girl, then there was a time where I was on the bed, pretending to be asleep, and that same kid went into detail about how he did this and that with a girl, and in the neighborhood there was this nude magazine the kids found in a shack, and we looked at it ---- so on and so forth. My point is that sometimes we don't engage things at first but if we look deep enough we can see where a lot came before to prepare us to engage in it.

You see, before we eat we change our mannerisms; our thoughts are changed because we're about to eat, the reward we're about to get, be it ending hunger, or feeling better, naturally inserts itself into the atmosphere of our actions and we act different, whether we know it or not; we basically prepare for it. Likewise, when it comes to pornography and whatnot, many things may happen that ready us for the sicker and worse stuff, even in pornography and masturbation, be it a certain action in a certain year, seeing parents do things, friends of relatives, stumbling across things on the internet, so on and so forth, it readies us.

And just like when removing an evil tree wouldn't pluck the fruit, lest it grow back, or chop off the branch, because it will grow back, but uproots it, so do we need to go to the heart of issues, as to why we do what we do and work towards doing something better. Does that make sense? Like, it's cool to stop doing something, but anyone who is an addict can stop doing this and that, even for 1 second, or minute, or hour and whatnot, so why do they keep going back? Well, it's in them, and in them a lot. It has to do with our heart, bro. People who do this stuff see how it affects their heart, and they totally feel like different people. Well, if DOING affects our heart then if we do the opposite we'll think the opposite and feel the opposite and instead of loving the bad we do we will hate it, or instead of hating the bad we do, feeling unable to do it we will hate it and go away from it.



- Captain Cornelius

 

In order to beat pmo addiction you need to make it a lifestyle I used to do pmo to deal with the stress of not having women in my life and generally not feeling loved and not having a real career. But ultimately I turned to my faith and realize how lust was blinding me from all the important things in life I also received the wisdom from God to realize how damaging pmo is for the soul. It is hard but infinitely worth it because now I can smile and look people in the eye again and it’s empowering to look women in the eye and treat them like human beings. Porn is easy and messes with are brain because it’s plays on our weakness for instant gratification but nothing worth having comes easy and I’m still on this journey after a yr and still discovering who I am because I’m not pmo it literally brings you down to a lower frequency so you cannot be able to deal with your life and it’s problems. Awareness is key you know that pmo makes you weaker and still do it it becomes a self fulfilling propechy but you can listen to your heart your true self not your pleasure seeking brain and change for the better and if you relapse you pick yourself up and acknowledge that you are fighting for your life good luck

 

Hey man, sounds like you are pretty conflicted. Looks like you got some really good advice here already tho so ill just throw in my two cents:

I started watching pornography when I was 16. I was deeply conflicted because I was raised in a religious environment, so I ended up with this deep shame because I enjoyed watching pornography. Initially, I did it because it was exciting. it was the thing I was always told to stay away from. My personality is such that telling me stay away from it pretty much gurantees ill go looking for it. I was severely bullied until my sophomore year (first memory of kindergarten was getting kicked in the eye for a soccer ball), which left me with a deep seated insecurity that I began to carry around. I didnt think I was worthy of being liked by girls, and not only that I didnt feel like I was the type of guy girls liked... I believed in waiting till marriage, but I also had an insatiable desire to watch porn. I found there were two reasons why:

1: Im a dirty pervert. I like sex. I learned a lot. Fight me.

2: I was hurting, and porn made it feel better. I didnt feel like I was worthy of others, I was jaded and had a victim mentality. I bottled up those feelings and started turning to porn to make it feel better. Porn wouldn't say no, there was an endless amount of exciting new things to watch, and it was always within reach. I didn't realize this at first tho.... it took me a while to understand that about myself. It is comforting in the same way a drug can be comforting. Temporarily it feels good, but in the end the pay off doesn't extend into the long term. It warps our perception of what a healthy sex life is, gives an unrealistic view of ourselves, and can encourage the insecurities we have.

I would encourage you to look into something called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. it took a long time to learn, but when I did, its helped me discover and work on the parts of me that contribute to my desire to use. If you feel it is escapism, ask yourself: what are you escaping from? Often times we experience traumatic things that leave a mark we may not have known about until it becomes an issue, then we have to address it. Trauma isn't just confined to soldiers and witnesses of violent crime. It's subjective to the person, so what happened in your life that maybe your escaping from?

Those questions helped me... bit long winded.

 

I'm not sure I ever used porn to escape from stuff. I do know that while I was only sporadically successful with women, I was always horny and loved looking at porn and whacking to it.

I can say that rejection made it more likely I was going to use porn so maybe that is escapism.

 

rejection = bad feeling, pornography = good feeling

Escapism is exactly that. Escaping from the pain of rejection.

 

I liked your video. I'm not a young guy like you but it's good to realize the value of meditation. I learned transcendental meditation when I was about 20, it was popular back then. It does give benefits, just like any kind of meditation. I can remember going deeper into myself below all the thoughts and finding a calm place that was quiet, and then in turn bringing that out into every day life. You become less reactive and more serene and definitely much less affected by just about anything outside that normally could be upsetting. Caffeine was always a problem for me which interfered with meditating, but I quit that 8 years ago, so maybe I can try again. If you have internal conflicts, meditation can be a challenge to accept and let go and get back to breathing. Just wanted to say good advice for anyone looking for more inner peace.

 

Haha thanks bro that’s NoFap Gabe and I look at his videos and he has great insight