Intense sadness when forcing myself not to look at girls in skimpy outfits

i was just out walking and high school graduation/summer is in full swing. Loads of girls walking around in summer wear.

I was bombarded by about 5-10 girls in various groups at the supermarket all wearing bright female colors (the colors trigger me too). I decided to attempt the 3 second rule and the “bounce and starve” technique.

What I ended up feeling is intense sadness, sorrow and regret (not regret that I wanted to look, but regret that I missed out on something In my life). As if I had missed the boat of opportunity and was sitting on the shoreline as it sailed away. Possibly like I was losing my best friend??? I felt soooooo sad and lonely instantly. Almost like I wanted to cry - very depressed. Then I start getting sad about my life and how it sucks... but also mixed with intense sexual mental lust.

This doesn’t (or hasn’t yet) happen with more age appropriate women, even ones that are 10/10 looks-wise. It only happens with teen girls. It seems to be maybe a longing for a time in my life? Maybe the girls are a representation of a time that I miss and wish I could go back to? Almost like I wish I was there and could f*ck them but know I can’t and now I can’t even look at them??? I dunno...

I don’t quite understand my feeling yet, so bear with me.

Has anyone else experienced this and can help explain why???

Edit: after journaling tonight I realized that the teenage age group is who I’m most physically attracted to and I find their personality cute too. So this might explain more about my feelings. I’m probably stuck in that time in my life or something due to a fear of growing up or something else unknown....

 

I don’t think so, I don’t feel this way with age appropriate women when I practice “bounce and starve” it’s only with teenage girls. Something about that age group brings up all these feelings

Thanks for the post though.

 

will it go away ever?

Thanks for the reply. knowing I’m not alone helps a bit.

 

Thanks,

I’m 32 years old, been sober from PMO 69 days. I’ve journaled over 200 pages so far in my sobriety.

I am/was married (not sure the status of my marriage. She left me 69 days ago). but I seem to remember getting this same feeling before sobriety also, just not as intense since I didn’t look away and was running from my feelings.

 

ITs a pretty complex story the short version is we were together for 13 years. she left cuz I was so depressed and scared of life for so long that her aspirations seemed unattainable while married to me (house, financial stability, dog, kids, basically anything grow-up). And so far on my journey in sobriety I can see that she was 100% right. Her leaving me caused me to get sober and I’m starting to finally grow up.

On a side note, if she knew what I was doing sexually with PMO, she probably would have left anyway. And aside from possibly having some depression, I think lots of my issues come from porn/sex addiction. I am very very sick when it comes to PMO.

 

Yea pretty much. Like thinking I am incapable of doing grownup things and sooo scared of everything that I just ran from it all and haven’t really become an adult.

Why do you have someone??? Lol just kidding. Ummm I don’t think so. I think it’s some emotional issues that I need to work on and porn has fed into it, causing me to stay stuck there.

This is the first time in 22 years since age 10 that I haven’t used porn and masterbation... so I imagine this summer will be a huge learning experience.

 

Thanks Guys, it seems like yet another time in life where I think I can’t handle an intense feeling but if I continue to do the healthy things and don’t run from them, I get through it and live another day.

Let’s hope the more I experience this and don’t run from it the better it gets.

I’m going out again soon, so more opportunities to stare this problem in the face.

 

Wanted to attempt to rewrite the description of how it felt in that moment last night. I think this might better explain the scenario:
——————
I have this really weird fetish for teenage girls in bright girly colors.

Part of it is because grown women don’t dress in skimpy cloths, but teens sure do! Lol

But for me also, I get depressed by it. Not by me looking, but like I’m missing out on something. Like I wish I could be there. Not just f*ck them, but also go back in time and relive that time period AND also f*ck them.

It’s such a strange thing cuz it’s a huge sexual urge but also it’s a longing for a lifestyle and maybe a fear of growing up???

I’ve probably had this feeling for years and have been using porn to run from maturity, but also fantasize that time in my life . Not just the sexual stuff but the actual lifestyle, wishing i was actually apart of the teenage social group and masturbating not only to the sex but to this idea as well, so when I see a hot teenager, and force myself to look away and fight that urge, I’m not just fighting the sexual urge but also fighting my urge to stay young and never grow up. As a result a huge piece of me dies inside. It’s like I’m not only losing sexual stimulation but I’m also reshaping my identity. And that is really really emotional!

It’s almost like an emotional attachment to a time in life and expressing that longing through sexual urge. BLOODY HELL! The brain is complex!! haha