I was introduced to Nofap about a year ago, and have been on various streaks, but always ended up relapsing, here are some of my mistakes that you can learn from: 1. Thinking that this is not the "ideal" time to quit masturbation. Look, we all know life is not fair, and sometimes can be tough. At the end of a bad day for me, when I am full of anger or stress, I would often turn to PMO to relieve it. I would rationale that because I am going through this in my life right now, it would be extra hard to quit, and I should wait until things get a little better. With this type of attitude, you could justify ANY relapse. Life is not fair, we all know that. Life can be hard sometimes, we all know that. I'm not trying to discredit your problems. I'm sure some of you are going through things that I cannot even imagine. I get that. Regardless, if you need to wait for an "ideal" time to start, it will never come. The time is NOW. 2. Confusing urges with edging We all know about edging; how if you do it extensively it is worse than an orgasm. However, some people (myself included) will use this rationale to take the smallest urge, thinking that it qualifies as edging, and use it to justify relapsing. Let's distinguish between urge and edging. An urge is when you see something or think of something that makes you want to fap. Urges are normal and expected. an urge is NOT a relapse, it does not release a lot of dopamine. When you get an urge, simply acknowledge it, and do something else to distract yourself. Hopefully the urge will not last more than 10 seconds. Edging is when you feed the urge, and dwell on those sexual thoughts. This is what is COMPLETELY avoidable, with self control. To avoid edging, you need a plan of action for when you get urges to distract yourself. Examples are: going for a quick walk, calling a friend, meditating, etc... The way I see it is an urge is your first mistake, and edging is your second, third, fourth,... mistake. First mistakes are honest, you did not know what you were doing, and you are supposed to learn from it. The other mistakes are your fault, because you know what you are doing, but you did not stop it. 3. Thinking about the 2 SECONDS of pleasure you are giving up. Let's be honest, the only pleasure in PMO is the 2 seconds before orgasm. Before that, you are busy and anxious trying to find the right scenario to pleasure you, so it's not really enjoyment. After that, you are drained of energy, and let's be honest, dissatisfied that your 2 seconds of satisfaction was not longer. When you are on a Nofap streak, your mind will inevitably think about how it felt like to PMO. When this happens, do not think about those 2 seconds of pleasure. Think about how you feel after the orgasm, and how those 2 seconds of pleasure effectively ruined the next 48 hours. 4. Thinking I can do things to make the process easy. We all know there are tricks we can learn to help the process along the way; cold showers, exercise and meditation, and they are all important and necessary, so you should continue them. But this journey is not going to work if you do not have WILLPOWER. Even if you get all the help in the world, and get into a long streak, there are going to be days, where there is sort of an inner battle within you on whether to fap. When it comes to that, only YOU have the power to make the decision of not giving in. Hope this was helpful to someone, please let me know if you have any questions or comments.
1892: Thanks for sharing your journey and lessons! I've been through all of them. There is one thing I struggle with, however, and that is the need for will power. I thought I had a strong will and the power to overcome urges. Not at all! I still don't have the willpower. Urges arise. If I try to stop them by pushing them away, they just get worse. I have to allow them to be present, hold them gently in front of me, and then let them go. I think this is what 12-step programs call "surrendering" to the urge to consume drugs. We have to recognize that this addiction has control over us and not the other way around. Once we understand the nature of the control, we can make the choices you mention, we can take control of our actions to be healthy. Love what you're doing and that you're sharing what works. Peace.
This is so striking true, 98% of the time one spends on porn is not even enjoyable, just a stupid struggle searching for the elusive 'Perfect scene' to O to for 2 seconds nkt. What is more sad is that one can spend a million hours online and even never exhaust the internet as millions of porn videos will keep surfacing online meaning a lifetime addiction is very easy.
Exactly, and once you do find a 'Perfect scene', after going back to it once or twice, you realize that it is not perfect, and there are a few things you would change, which makes you even more anxious to find the true 'Perfect scene'.
Thanks IncenseCedar, I really appreciate your compliment. If you don't mind me asking, what do you do to fight the urges? have you tried medicating, exercising, cold shower, or working on a project? The best way to get rid of an urge is to distract the mind. As for willpower, remind yourself why fapping is bad, and remind yourself what you want to accomplish in your life. There has to be a reason you want to quit porn in the first place. Remember it, and think about it whenever you have urges.
Never needed a cold shower, but I meditate and exercise regularly. Urges aren't as bad now as they were in the first couple of three weeks. Now I feel them, but don't act on them. I do as you suggest, realize feel better not fapping and just let the urge go.
