Hey Nofap. I'm going to try and make this as short as possible in the hopes of getting a discussion happening. Currently I am living my life as an ambitious straight male. I've slept with perhaps 10 girls in my life, had 5 girlfriends and I'm 27. No gay activity as of yet. Since I first hit puberty I've had gender disphoria. What does that mean? I imagine myself as a girl, and like it a lot. It started with CG (drawn girls in bikinis) and before long upped to porn, where I always imagine myself as the girl. In this recent year I've put some thought into if I'm gay, but I don't think that's it. I get excited at the idea of getting to be submissive with a guy if only to live out my fantasy to be treated like a woman in bed. Now if you read this all the way through you'll see some conflicts. I live my life as a straight (fairly alpha) male yet have an extreme urge to be female and submissive. Reactive, beautiful, desired, helpless. Yet sadly for me that will never be my reality. I have no desire to transition (instead to be a natural born female) or to live my life as a gay bottom (I would just be acting out a fantasy, I don't really see myself in a gay relationship or even really enjoy the idea of two guys having sex). I've considered both thoroughly. From a young age I was always bullied. Maybe this was always my escape that became habitual or it's a part of me I can't change, I don't exactly know. I really want to persue my life as a straight male. I don't see much of a future in either of the other paths. I enjoy dating women, having sex with them and being fairly dominant. I enjoy being a male on his journey and really want to dominate. The real hitch is that this submissiveness and sex fantasy occupy a lot of mental bandwidth. When I sit and fantasize I can enjoy fantasizing about being the guy and being with a girl, but when I think about it being the other way around I get a rush like no other. Is this a neural pathway I've trained over the last 17 years, hence the disparity? Sometimes when dealing with problems or people I feel that submissive twinge kick in, yet my conscious desire is to dominate. So this is the real question: Is it something wired in our heads permanently, or can we train ourselves to get more excited about dominating women and life? This is where I'd like to hear if anyone else has been in a situation like this. Did/do you have gender disphoria? Do you have submissive tenancies? Do you believe they are escape mechanisms? Habits? Or do you believe they are permanent switches in our brain? Has anyone succeeded in changing their ways that line up with inner belief values? Hopefully people can get through this but TL;DR is in the last two paragraphs.
I feel like what a lot of people dont seem to realise about fetishes is that they tend to represent the opposite of what we have in day to day life. If you are dominant day to day, then it makes sense that you may also enjoy being submissive in the bedroom occasionally simply because its different from how you usually are. I wouldn't even put any further thought into being anything other than straight, I've seen a lot of posts like this where its obvious the OP is in denial but to me it seems like you are just a straight guy struggling to come to terms with a fetish, not a sexuality. If you dont want to transition and dont want a gay relationship, then you are just straight. I also have to point out that you dont need to sleep with a man to be submissive in the bedroom, you could do it with a woman and not be any less straight for it, its just a preference. Having said all that perhaps actively trying to combat these urges by going on a long streak may help. From personal experience I had a lot of submissive fetishes that faded quite a bit once I stopped thinking about them. They are still there of course but dont hold the same power over me that they once did.
I think the more you stay out of your fantasies the more u will find your true self, your correct gender preferences. I think bullying did play a role in your younger years, I do have a friend with your thoughts and he was bullied. And I do feel sorry about what u been through. But I think the more u stop imagining these fantasies then more u will be restored to normal. Stop thinking about it, it maybe just that you wired your brain to that. As @AtomicTango said u can be sub in bed with a girl, but it's not like the weird things they show u in porn. Go on a long session on no pmo, I think it will help to fade away a lot of things.
I have the same fetish, and gender identity confusion. It is possible to overcome this bullshit. Also it is possible to think about sex and relationship without context of submission/dominance. I don't think it is healthy at all. It is better to be old fashioned "vanilia" guy and consider sex as act of intimacy and attachment not as dominance or submission. I think we see the world and even sex through the lens of submission and dominance due to life history of violence , but it is mentality of persons with paraphilias and sex offenders. I think that overcoming of this mentality is paramount for overcoming paraphilias and sexual addiction, it is cognitive distortions. Also gender identity confusion is based on a lof of cognitive distortions about males and females. A lot of "transsexuals" don't understand female sex at all, they think that females are about submission in sex and dresses. It is better to change this distorted view on females. It is the only viable path for people with this fetish. Transition is a social suicide, and life of homosexual sissy addict is self derogatory lifestyle.
