Perfectionism

1. Hey there, I can absolutely relate. Just recently relapsed and felt this realization too.. are you Christian as well? If you are, I feel that it’s especially helpful to remember that purity of mind is really purity of heart... keep praying and ask for God to root you deeply in His Love, to bring you awareness of all the good things and blessings in your life, and to take confidence that you are created in His image and out of His love for you, and in that is all the confidence you need forgive me for not being strong here as well, just fell from a 106day streak, but also came to a similar realization as you - that PMO is just a surface action of our deeper need for Love and affection... somehow these aren’t being met, or we have a mindset that doesn’t help us see that we are already loved.

Here to talk if you need!

 

@RenewingMyMind you've summarized in words what I have tried to express for many many years. If I fall from this longest streak, it will definitely be because of this. I don't have a solution but I can provide a sure starting point we can all work from. Yes there is something deeper.

There is a famous proverb that says: "Pride always comes before the fall". The interpretation is fairly straightforward: those who are wrapped up in themselves will be hurt. I counted 18 instances of the word "I" in your post above.

If you were to substitute every thought of 'I want this' with 'He/she needs this' by helping other users on this forum for example, it would decrease the focus on yourself and definitely decrease the temptation of thoughts that tell you you'll never feel liberated without PMO.

 

The simple fact is that abstinence does not equal recovery. Abstinence is part of the equation, and it's the part that we all see, but on it's own, it isn't enough. You need to address the root cause of your addiction(s) in the first instance, otherwise you'll always be prone to falling again. It's a bit like a fruit tree. The fruit might represent the length of your streak, but ultimately it's the soil that determines how much fruit that tree provides. On this forum there is an unhealthy obsession with symptoms such as "long streaks" or "triggers" or "days clean" or "PIED" or whatever. There's not nearly enough talk about the important bit - your LIFE. You remember life? That repetitive occasionally infuriating thing demanding your time and energy.

You need to think about why you feel those urges to PMO. You'll need to find something deeper than "I just felt like it" or "I got triggered" because those things are never going to go away as long as you're a human with a healthy sex drive. You need to think about what you're really looking for when you PMO, what need you're trying to fill with it, then go to work on filling that need in some other way. The simple and unfortunate truth is that we're not machines. We're human beings - apes who are slightly more evolved than the other monkeys. That's all we are. We have needs, we have desires, we have urges. We either find a healthy way to satisfy them, or we slide into addiction. That's the choice we make.