They will be the best years if you continue to be as open and honest with her as you were today. You are a lucky man to have such a caring and understanding wife. You’re kind to want to give me credit but you did all the hard work! Yes, my friend, your influence for good will be a blessing in the lives of many. Now go be the best husband you can be for that good wife of yours .
YEA! So PROUD OF YOU! CONGRATULATIONS. I knew you would do it. So glad you're feeling lighter. How did you tell her? How was her reaction? Was she blown away? or did it make sense to her? Are there going to be any long term damages or is she onboard with learning about it and supporting you to get through this and make your way back to her? Really stoked for you! *HUGE HIGH FIVE*
Thank you! It does feel amazing! I kept my confidence up all morning before telling her. Went like this. I went down in my basement and put all my masturbation crap that I had in a box. I also got another box that had all my foreskin restoration equipment. Long story there. Brought both of them up and told her first about how I am and have been trying to restore for over a year now, and why. Also told her it was important to me to continue and that I didn’t want to keep anything whatsoever from her any longer. I told her she always has, and always will be the center of my universe. As you can imagine she wasn’t sure how to take this regarding my restoration. I told her that a lot of men my age and younger decide they want to restore in order to get back to having feeling there. Then I went on to the really difficult part of telling her that I think I have always been addicted to porn. I told her about my numerous conquests with multiple women when I was younger before meeting her, before we married, so she already knew an aweful lot. What she didn’t know, which I told her was that for as long as we have been married, I’d been secretly getting hooked into more porn. I told her it started out in college, looking at mags, the internet in its early days AOL allowed you to print out porn stories for free, then the whole high speed jacked that up to streaming videos, and then thanks to the smart phone/dumb phone, iPad etc it just allows you to stream porn anywhere! I always told her I would never cheat on her, EVER, and that will forever be the case. I told her my porn addiction made me feel as though I’ve been cheating on her that way, which I believe is why I had never told her. I told her I would throw away all the gels or we could keep them. I had a stash of expired condoms that we never got around to using that I told her I would throw out. Even had 3 ED pills that I hadn’t used that I would throw out. I did tell her I used one, once traveling alone to see if it would help. That one scared her. Neither of us are fans of BIG PHARMA, and the potential consequences of any pharma drug can be pretty bad. I told her all about nofap, and even read some of the threads that I had created and responded to along with comments from members. I told her my log in and password and that I would email them to her so that at any time she could view anything I was engaged in with nofap. I told her from here on out I want to be an open book. Just like the way I/we use to be. I also told her that I will always be here for her and that if she has any questions about anything, I would answer them and try and help her to understand. There was a ton of emotions and tears from both of us. I’m beyond fortunate to have such a loving wife/soul mate. I reiterated my commitment to her forever and told her I have no desire to masturbate or please myself unless she is with me and we are... well you know. That may take some time, and that’s ok. I told her I have fears regarding performance, and she informed me that she does as well! We feel exactly the same regarding rediscovering intimacy with each other. There are so many ways to show your love, and I have not been doing that for a long time due to the perpetual fog I was in while viewing porn. The sense of clarity that I’m developing being off porn is only becoming stronger! The lightness I feel since telling my amazing wife is as I’d always hoped it would be. I apologized for burdening her with this news. I told her our first decade spent together was crazy wonderful, our second has been less than optimal although even through all our difficulties we have raised a remarkable young woman, and have always tried to support each other. I then told her that I believe this last chapter of our lives will be even better than our first 10 years. I’m getting goosebumps just by typing these words which I spoke to her. That’s the way this life is suppose to make us feel. I have you HalonParticle and Jefe Rojo to thank for giving me the courage and inspiration to make what has been nothing less than a life altering decision! This platform and members like yourselves is nothing short of one of the best things that has happened to me. Often, I wake up early in the morning and used to do research for projects on line and fall into viewing porn. That won’t happen again! From here on out, I will come to this site and respond to new members, share my story, and hopefully give others the confidence they need to make life altering changes as well. When we went to bed tonight, I felt a peace that I haven’t felt in a very, very long time.
HOT DAMN. Thats Terrific. I'm really proud of you. Really excited for what's ahead for you as well. Great story, thank you for sharing. I have heard about the foreskin restoration thing. Never tried myself and I probably won't...but I do understand the reasons behind it. I just got back from my first SLAA meeting (12 step program for sex and love addicts) It's interesting here in SE Asia. Its mixed gender so it was a little triggering. At first the young Russian woman in the group was impossibly attractive. But going through the meeting and after I was able to calm myself and keep the anxious feelings of attraction to a minimum. It's interesting walking in both the worlds of porn addiction as well as sex addiction. From what I learned today it could be as long as 3-5 years of recovery to rewire the brain successfully and even then, a slippery slope is always around the corner. I'll do another meeting next week and then decide if I want to continue - there are valuable tools to gain and insights and experiences to share - im not to keen on it being a program founded on Christianity...but I can transmute that to something else. Yes there is relatability and accessibility amongst the members - but I don't know if relying on a 12-step program will just keep the addiction at the forefront of my brain or if it will actually help. I did get a sense that some of the senior members had arrested their addictions and figured out how to cope and overcome temptation - but again mixed gender is a red flag, as well as the one dimensional aspect of the program. My girl was proud of me for going and I proud of myself for taking the initiative. Needs time to simmer...I also have several pamphlets to read. lol. Great job being proactive and letting the cat out of the bag. You're well on your way...transparency is the key. As always, Be well WR
That’s great you made it to a meeting. I couldn’t handle mixed meetings. I went twice early on in my battle but couldn’t handle it at the time so stuck to men’s only. I think now I’d be fine in a mixed meeting. You guys rock! Hang in there and keep up the great work at breaking this addiction!
Nice job keeping your head level in the SSLA group. You know, I think you never really know what may help you until you try different things. I’m with you on the whole religion piece. That makes it challenging for some of us. Both my wife and I dislike being preached to. If you ask me, your girl is the best tool you have to overcome this addiction. Keep her in your thoughts always and it should help you to stay clear and hopefully reduce those trigger moments in time!
Couldnt agree more! Same back to you! With the help and support of this group, I believe many will conquer their addictions!
I'm still on the fence about the mixed nature. TBH the Russian woman was something I'd have pursued sneakily if my intentions weren't pure in this day. Had to fight the overwhelming trigger of a fresh face and a cute one at that. But by the end of it, I felt normal and neutral. So I think it's progress and probably for the best to get used to being around attractive women that aren't my girlfriend so that I can control my thoughts and desensitize myself to other aesthetics. Even 100+ days in I still have trouble not objectifying other women. It's insanely frustrating. Makes me feel like a cheater. It's as if the porn world is just out walking around out here. Same variety of potential mates as the tube channels. Any of you have some tricks to mute/mitigate/get rid of this feeling of urgency in attraction to strangers?
Thats what I'm trying to maintain. Keeping her as a beacon and heading in that direction. Had a chat about the SAA meeting today with her. She was uncomfortable about the mixed gender nature of it....and its warranted. It comes down to a choice...which is obviously and unwaveringly - her. It's still a struggle day to day and honestly the meeting didn't really make me feel any better aside from a relatable subject with people who endured the same affliction. I'm just hoping it gets easier and better. Feeling a little down today. The last couple days I felt pretty good but having a talk about me not being a "sure thing" because of my issue was hurtful...even if I do appreciate her candor. She's always frank with me which I love, but I'm tired of making her feel undesired by myself. I do desire her, its like im captive to my own being right now and fighting to break free...that's a thing that is really difficult to communicate and make comprehendible.
Wish I could offer more advice. Sorry you are feeling down from what she said. Maybe, you just need to focus on her feelings and try and occupy your thoughts with her and healthy habits? I’ve never had that affliction, so not really sure how to help? Sorry...
It's alright. you've been helpful as is. Just had an unexpected low. The good news is, I find that the cravings have a spike and then I just have to allow it to move through me until it goes away. kind of a roller coaster, but its good mental kung fu. How goes your endeavor? how are things after the weekend?
Thanks. Glad you are figuring out the symptoms. I’ve never meditated but a lot of the guys here recommend it, maybe it could help during those episodes? As to how things are going, I’d have to say great! My wife does need some time to process, etc. I mean I droped a hell of a bomb on her. I needed to come clean to her about everything in order to stop my addiction to porn. I’m looking forward to growing old with her once again! I have been in such a fog for so many years that it’s refreshing to finaly see life clearly. I have an aweful lot of making up to do with her, but I am more than willing to do it! I truly am incredibly fortunate to have her in my life.
