This day yust sucks

Right now I have this intense feeling in my gut. I called my mom. Havent spoken to her for over a week because she yust starts to throw out some bullshit which I am tired of listen to. Things like: I have to pay for it if I want to live at home this summer, I have to Paint the house for free and all kinds off bullshit. She doesnt normally do these kind off Things but it seems like she doesnt believe in me anymore. Anyways, her "rent" is more expensive than my current living expences so in that case I wont be living at home this summer. I called my aunt right after and she is usually very supporting but now she was yust like: You have to work harder With Your studies, Your mom does this only because she loves you.

So the two persons I usually turn to for support doesnt believe in me at the moment and that sucks. It doesnt matter what I say. I have to prove them wrong. So now I yust hang up the Calls from my mom. She doesnt get that im tired of listening to the same stuff over and over. We havent exactly gotten into an argument, but I disagree and she cant yust make me change my mind out of the blue. So I can live With my father this summer. That is an alternative. He offers me to live there for free and he also offers me work for about two weeks at his farm in Exchange for some Money. I havent had a good relationship With my father in the past. He is probably some kind of borderline sociopath. My sister developed bullimia and harmed herself and therefore moved out several years ago because he was quite violent. Not much physical violence, more of the mental violence stuff which is probably worse. So I usually only live there for a week or so untill he starts getting angry and manipulative all the time and then move over to my mother.
But I can live With his anger now. It usually dont last for long and I am not a child anymore.

Also, I am going to get a fine soon for participating in an illegal demonstration against some environmental crime. Some dickheads are planning to start a mine and dump 900 metric tons of Waste in the sea a year. I knew it would have serious consequences for me to participate but I couldnt yust watch it happen. So the fine is at ridicoulosly 2500 USD. I am considering to refuse payment and in that case I am probably going to jail for a month. I yust had to get this off my chest. Im not sure if I am feeling angry or yust sad. I yust told my crush that I dropped out from college last year, have troubbles With the police, Train martial arts and a few of my problems in life. I am feeling like I cant be honest about my life at the moment. Im almost feeling like an Outlaw. I have experienced With drugs even. My life story scares People away.

This day yust sucks.

 

Hi, thanks for Reading. It helps. Yesterday ended better than it started. I worked as a doorman for the university and had a good time. I forgot about my Whole situation for a few hours. Today kind of sucks again. I woke up at 11 am but couldnt find any motivation to start my day, so I yust lied in bed until half an hour ago and stared at my cieling. I have a bad habit of not getting out of my bed in the morning. I can be awake at 6 am yust to find myself sitting in bed, doing nothing 3 hours after.