Let me just say first of all, a big streak breaker for me in the past has been Nicki Minaj. Between the 'Anaconda' video and some of her newer ones, I've fapped to them numerous times. So, over the last couple days, I've had this incessant urge to want to watch 'Barbie Dreams' which is one of her newer videos, and I've resisted it up to this point. But I did something not all of you might agree with, or that some of you might refer to as edging. But basically I wanted to stare my demons directly in the face and not masturbate. I wanted to show myself that these music videos weren't anything special after all, and I did. I looked up the music video, and I watched it. From start to finish, just once. If I felt my urges increase too much I'd pause the video and take a few deep breaths, and continue to the end. But I did not linger on the video or go back and watch it again, I simply clicked off it once it was done. And most importantly, I did not masturbate. Now that I've watched it, I feel this sudden freedom from those urges. They're now gone, and I don't feel any cravings to return to the video. (Note that I would never go through this same procedure with actual porn). But despite this, I did what some of you will refer to as watching a P-sub. So I'm just curious as to your collective opinions and responses? Regardless though, I feel proud of myself. Before I would immediately crack and start fapping. Now I was able to control my urges and have control over my own actions. Whether you guys consider this an actual relapse or not, I feel like I've made actual progress today.
I wouldn't recommend it. I wouldn't reset your counter, but your focus needs to not be on the day counter. Having a high streak doesn't make you recovered, being recovered gives you a high streak. I can see the benefit of it, of having a finality to it. However, I would not recommend it this early on in your recovery. I also would never do anything like this when you know you're currently experiencing an urge. That's the majority of when I relapse, is getting an urge, and then thinking I can control it. Take a day or two after an urge to do something like this, when you know for a fact that you're whole of mind and can control yourself. I'd recommend just not doing it at all though. Seriously.
I wouldn't reset, you're doing great. But if you know what triggers you, then avoid it whatsoever, stop thinking about it. It's tough I know, but it's damn possible. It gets tougher and tougher, and then suddenly it gets easier and easier. You just have to fight that dense stage of hornyness, have this in mind, it's not eternal, it's difficult but brief.
This is completely anecdotal and as such take it with a grain of salt. The main feature that I find often diminishes progress would be getting off on material that's arousing. Whether out of volition or not, it reinforces the very thoughts I'm trying to reduce or possibly escape from within my psyche. Watching such videos would otherwise do minor harm, if at all as you've pointed out. Besides the obvious ones that involve fapping or porn, what might constitute a relapse is a personal thing as what may be a non issue to one person could be problematic for another. The main thing a relapse does is detract progress in some manner, and so maybe that's the thing to consider? To recognize that, I found It required me to evaluate why I'm doing nofap. Figuring out that motivation highlighted what I don't want to be and what has a poor effect on me (at least, specific to NF). By process of elimantion, I can establish what's rewarding, when I can return to certain hobbies and what has no effect on me. That would be my advice, examine why you want to do nofap if you haven't and that might give insight. This next part can be skipped since it doesn't directly answer the question, is unsolicited and is more personal than anything. I'm simply expressing how my experiences resulted in the above conclusions. Speaking from personal experience, streaks are important, but their often used to register early progress on the basis of a criteria (fapping is relapsing, willingly glimpsing is relapsing, etc) that serves me best to make improvements and keep mind of just how far I've made it in the short run. However, I'm in it for my lifetime and as such it's going to be fairly difficult to remain unhindered. So this takes evaluating my motivations so as to not diminish progress. I've been in a similar position to you and reacted in various ways. I'd watch arousing music videos because they were sexy or because I didn't want to feel like the addiction had a hold on me and dictated what I can and can't do. I wanted to receive closure, but then I'd relapse because even though I'd not be affected as usual before NF, I got arrogant with the thought that I had complete control of this addiction. In different instances I'd end up watching those same videos, getting aroused, but never taking action to compromise my streaks, or sometimes I wouldn't even be affected by the videos in any way. It was this sporadic behavior that left me unsure and caused me to genuinely evaluate my reasons. Why I wanted to watch these videos, when I relapsed why did I do it and vice versa, why do I react the way I do when I watch them, can I wake up the next day completely if not just for a large part, proud of myself with my streak, and ultimately what are my motivations for doing nofap among other considerations? I wanted to make insightful decisions and establish major control and be sure of it, rather than be unsure. I reached various conclusions, but the main ones are that I've barely experienced a life without porn and I'd like to diminish myself from both that and an actively lustful psyche. More recently I've been achieving that. Putting into consideration my motives inspired a lot of self discipline. It made me more sure of myself and more responsive whereby I'm barely urged to do things because bare reason existed to do so. It's a long winded and response, but I hope something there was worth reading . No need to relapse, it showcases Improvements more than anything IMO. Keep it up dude, you're doing well.
I wouldn’t reset the counter. But be very, very careful. Did you touch yourself at all? If you edged, you might as well have gotten off, edging is worse than MO most people say. I tried to do this early on too. I would miss my favorite site and wondered what new videos were posted. I would go through and look and say, see, I can go without, I didn’t touch myself. But I still got a dopamine fix. And I would want to return and do the same thing. You did good by clicking off of it after it was finished. And you paused it a few times to take deep breaths. If you didn’t edge, I think you did great. But be careful. Your playing with fire man. Your brain can trick you back into and and tell you “it’s not that bad” or “one last time” “I already looked, might as well MO”.
I did not touch myself, but I will admit I did go back and watch the video again. It seems as if the "closure" that I wanted really didn't accomplish much at all, and it eventually just furthered my urges. Happy to admit though that I still did not relapse, so I'm going to take this as a learning experience. And that the only true way to overcome urges is with complete avoidance, not with temporary exposure.
