Breaking this addiction is so difficult. It's like trying to escape Earth's gravity; you think you've made it, but in fact you're still in low orbit around this massive, attractive body of porn. And unless you are so strong, over time your orbit starts to decay and you get dragged back down. Once you let its whispy tendrils pull at you, you slip lower and lower until there is no escape and you come crashing back down. And burn up. Setting my counter back to zero and shooting for the moon. ANH
When a satellite crashes what do they do, they clean up the crash site, learn what happened to make it loose it orbit. Takes those learning and fix the problem, then send a new satellite up.
I really feel for you brother it must seem like it’s impossible right now. Every single person on here has experienced that sense of hopelessness. Porn addiction is so powerful and always looks like it will win but the reason i need this group is that it is full of heroes like you who just keep getting up and fighting on against the worst odds. Once I see you setting your counter to zero and starting again this addiction doesn’t look so all powerful, you do. Perseverance makes us awesome thanks for keeping going.
ANH- I look at me, and i wonder if I'll ever be "normal." those wispy tendrils still look so good. And feel good. meanwhile real life and real connection are improving, but are really really difficult. But you otoh, of you I have no doubts. I remember your journals. You are not that person any longer. I admire and respect you. Many do. You are just visiting here.
Life's struggles continue .. But you have returned for the support, the community -- both you and all of us are better for it.
I'm having struggles just like that too but the porn hasn't been the issue. I keep putting time into other things to avoid recovery. In my opinion, I've relapsed countless times. Just not with P. With cars, car talk, car and science magazines, books, work. I keep putting way more time into other things. It's all intimacy anorexia but they're still relapses. I understand how hard it is to quit too. I had many of my relapses with porn before I even knew I had an addiction. I knew I used too often and that it was a problem. Although I was more concerned about the M use them the P use but I knew they were both an issue and tried to stop every now and then. Of course it never worked until I know how to address it. Anyway, I hope the best to you ANH, it's hard but I know you can do it. Your posts show your wisdom and strength. Also is it too personal to ask what led you to the relapse? Would you like to talk about it ?
Like anything else in life practice makes perfect. Keep practicing how to be better and you'll establish that higher orbit which gives you the distance you need to maintain a stable path.