Suffering from a Porn Addiction I guess ?

Hello ! First of all I would like to appologize for any grammar mistakes I'm going to make, English is not my native Language. I'm currently going through a very bad time because i'm addicted to porn firstly, and secondly because i'm an Idiot; I've been masturbating for a long time now (since I'm 10/11?) and had no issues with that because I was like "Yeah that's just puberty that is hitting me earlier and harder than the other boys" but it turns out that it's actually not Puberty but an addiction.

In middle school I started PMO, without realising it, went to normal porn (classic scene&Hentai sometimes which were very hard for some of them like belly bulging and rape) to more and more "hardcore" phantasm like anal, deepthroat and even watched gay porn to test how it was(Experiencing because youth allows me to do so), heh it was unnapealing and I was not arroused at all so I went back to my standards = Girls.
But in my last year, I started to masturbate to Futa (which is a hentai speciality) but not much, sometimes it happened because I could not find anything to arrouse in some times, but these things were just turning me on when I was MO, IRL I would have REFUSED to see something like that; I've had a girlfriend during this period, my first girlfriend It was pure I loved her a lot but our break-up didn't went well I was overwhelmed by sadness. Before this period, I used to find Futa unnapealing, very unnapealing it was strange and disgusting to me.
In last year in High school I started again to have more desires, I was PMO'ing everyday but still with my standards (Classic heterosexual, Hentai and eventually Futa) but... I found an hentai with a trap (I don't know if its offensive to name it like that, sorry If I offense people that's not on purpose) and a futa f**king him, with some dialogues which were saying that "he's useless as a male" and more hardcore things, It was disgusting and strange, but I don't know why I felt arroused and intrigued so I masturbated to it, after that "fap" I forgot about it and my life was normal, no desire to f**k neither a trap/male nor a futa. In my porn escalation I went back on this hentai and more porn with transexual and traps. Another day I was getting myself to PM, searching for the perfect video to fap to on PH, and I saw this thing called "sissy hypno" my curiosity pushed me to click on this video (Im a verious curious guy) and guess what I found it VERY strange but again I felt arroused and masturbated to it ! I was terrified sometimes but I kept masturbating to it for a period. One day I went back "fapping" to the hentai with the trap and the Futa and felt very guilty about it, so I asked myself "Im gay or what man I want to stop this bs, I'm not like that" so I went on internet and googled "How to stop having gay thoughts" BUT IT IS at this very moment that everything started : I felt like I was homosexual(I've been straight all my life), all the porn I have masturbated to was running through my head non-stop !
I did not sleep this night, I was terrified like what if my life has been a god damn lie, what if i'm just gay and I did not knew it ??! What if my parents and friends would think about me If I was gay ? At this time I was terrified every single day, was stressed out about it, anxiety would attack me from every corner and my brain would not stop to "torture" me; I told my friend about it and he said that it was very strange and that I could not turn from straight to gay like that. I was constantly searching if I was gay or not by checking Straight and Homosexual porn, was checking my old porn video to see If I gay or Straight and I entered into this deadly spiral, all forms of gay porn didn't turned me on at all except traps and "futa"(idk if its "gay"); I'm not homophobic or something, on the contrary not at all, I'm very tolerent toward Gay and lesbians and I'm no one in this world to judge them, they do whatever they want it does not concern me, their buisness not mine.

During this period I had a girlfriend who was very supportive and very open-minded, so One day when I returned back from school and just... exploded in tears in front of my mom and explained her "a little bit" of my situation which appeased me a bit she said that I was not gay because I would have figure it out way more earlier and that I was making myself suffer from nothing, I also told my girlfriend who told me the same. (Before everything happens, my girlfriend and I masturbated together and we had no problem, exept that I struggled to ejaculate because I was PMO'ing to much and that my rythm was very different from hers, I felt like a s**t this day.)

Thanks to god these thoughts stopped during my final exam; but still, deep inside I was questioning my sexuality "Am I gay or Straight" sometimes. It's only around like 4-5 months that I found about HOCD and I found that my symptoms were very similar so I searched for answers and how to stop this hell. But that's were things spiced-up, when I was going out with my friends or when I was going to university I had a very strange feeling toward man in the street or in my class, that I did not wanted at all! So I suffered from HOCD a long time I guess ? and I was still asking myself "am I gay or straight," whenever I found someone cool/charismatic or fancy looking my brain was like "see you are gay you found something good in these dudes" Even fictional characters that I would find appealing were putting me in a sad mood and depressive state. When I discovered NoFap I found a LOT of people like me who were reassuring me everytime I read their thread because I could Identify in some situations ! I told my mom everything that happened to me with my PMO it was very very hard and very embarassing but I made It and she kept reassuring me again and I stopped masturbating, it was a Three-week streak untill I break it this night by checking if things were arrousing me or not, guess what I lost and masturbated twice to futa/trap porn again and I felt very VERY GUILTY; during these 3 weeks I felt amazing and most of my cravings for porn were dissapearing, I was having regular, strong hards-on, most of the porn that I used to watch stopped arrousing me, it looked so disgusting, HOCD and thoughts which were coming from it started to fade, and Yet I relapsed tonight. What do you think about my case ? I'm just having a common porn escalation that drove me crazy and made me have those porn-induced fetishes ? Or I'm just gay and I did not saw it, which I very doubt, I've been in love with women all my life, and never felt attracted sexualy nor physicaly to a man, I have no shame finding a man in the street beautiful or appealing, but it stops there. (Sorry for this block)

 

I would be glad to have support in this adventure!
And I would like to add that I'm already on the road to a new strike of nofap, and that If I can do it, then YOU can do it, get a grip and break those chains that are keeping you in this hell that PMO is

 

It is in my nature to worry a lot haha, but thanks bro ! I just read your thread and god it pains me to see someone who despairs like that. Let's get a f****ng grip on this, we can do it ! Take care dude.