420+ days and then I relapsed... this is the second reboot.

Hi, I initially went around 425 days without PMO before relapsing. However, I relapsed over two years ago and have been 'using' ever since. I am now on my 7th day of finally trying to reboot properly, and need some advice off anyone who has been through something similar. I suffer from PIED. I initially recovered fully within around 5-6 months and had fully working erections every time i needed to, but of course now have my old 'troubles' in the bedroom once again.

IF you have been through something similar with regards to a second reboot, did it take the same amount of time as the first for PIED to fix? Or did it take longer/less time?

Appreciate any and all advice I can get.

 

Appreciate the kind words and advice, thanks!

 

Hey, thanks for the response! I know I'll recover, I'm was just curious as to how the timeline of it all would unfold with my 'using' only amounting up to 2 years as opposed to 9-10 years before my first reboot.

I didn't do a strict hard mode the first time. I have a girlfriend ad at the time the relationship was brand new so there was a lot of shall we say 'passion' flowing, and so whilst i was rebooting things happened between the two of us as often as my PIED would allow it to. The main thing I would say is that PIED is a mental issue, nothing to do with the physical aspects. There is the issue of de-sensitivation which is physical but does fix itself rather quickly. But sure, your PIED will recover. You may have issues from time to time, but they are all in your head. Don't make my mistake and 'test' to see if you can make it work yourself. Just stay calm and remember, the issues aren't physical and can only get better over time.

 

I was using P again. As i was having a few issues downstairs I'd convinced myself that I needed to use P 'just the once' to try to kickstart everything again. It was the worst decision I could have possibly made. 'Just the once' has turned into over two years of frequent binging and I'm now back off where I started. Anxiety, depression and PIED.

In reality, the issues I was having were probably all anxiety based.

 

Hey, sad to say but yes I have gone that low again. I'm right back at where I started at the beginning of my journey. today is day 12 I believe, and I'm not looking back. The sad thing is, I live with my girlfriend and we are going through some seriously tough times, my relationship is pretty much on the rocks. And I know its down to my addiction. I've been very anxious and depressed for the past 12-18 months and have closed her out of my life. Due to my PIED we haven't had s*x in almost a year as my libido won't allow it. I need to fix myself, to reset in order to save my relationship. I want to marry this girl. It just took me too long to realise how low I'd stooped again. Hopefully it's not too late.

 

Day 17. Been feeling incredibly anxious over the past four or five days. To the point where I can't sleep properly. Find myself second guessing everything about myself. My relationship isn't in the best place, we've both acknowledged that we need to work on things and things need to change and I for one and absolutely set on doing that. However I find myself second guessing everything about my girlfriend. Thinking maybe she doesn't feel for me anymore or maybe she wants to be with someone else. We don't communicate as much as we used to and there isn't really as much of a spark as there used to be, but I don't know if thats down to how low I've stooped with my P addiction. I am a shell of a man. No self confidence at the moment whatsoever, I'm definitely flatlining. Is this similar to anything anyone has been through before? I'm annoyed and upset that I let myself get this bad again. I've known for a very long time that I needed to quit but never found the courage to do so. I'm glad I have quit now, and I'm trying as hard as I can. Last week for a couple of days when I was in alone I was fighting urges so strong. It felt near impossible, but I managed it.

I'm just at a really low point at the moment, and I need some help. But if I tell my girlfriend about whats going on and that I'm this deep into this again, I know that she will leave me. She supported me the first time, when our relationship was new, but I know that this time it wouldn't be like that. I've betrayed her trust. Overtime she goes out, saying I don't want to go with her because I'm craving isolation and want to grab my laptop. But that's something I'm working on too. I don't want to be that guy anymore. I feel like a boy, not a man. I'm so far in my shell and I've obviously subconsciously pushed her away for a long time because this fucking thing has taken over my life again. This addiction is seriously sick, if anybody reads this who has been thinking about relapsing please I beg you do not do it. Do whatever you need to in order to not relapse. I've been to the summit, 425 days clean, on top of the world, no more PIED. Then I let my urges take hold, telling myself 'just one look, get it out of my system' and that was over two years ago, and now I'm lower than I feel I've ever been before and back to having pretty bad PIED issues. But this time I can't reach out for help from the woman I love, because I've let this addiction get in between us and take over my life to the point where I've had no drive, not wanted to leave the house just wanted to sit in silence and wait for the house to be free.

I'm at a low, low point guys. Real low. And I'm terrified that everything is going to unravel around me and I'll lose everything. Sorry for the long post, I don't even know if anyone will read this. But I just had to put myself out there rather than keeping it all in or I would've imploded.

 

Hey, thanks for the positive words! You too can accomplish your goals. I've no doubt that with an attitude like that, you can easily surpass the 425 day streak which I did previously. I feel marginally better today. In fact, even after just putting all of those words and feelings out there yesterday I felt like I had had a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. Just going to take each day as it comes for now and my first target is to hit 90 days. I'm on 18 today.

I am going to try to make more positive life choices with regards to how I send my free time. Too much time cooped up inside is no good for anyone. I'm just going to get on with my life, and try to forget that I'm trying to quit P. Just let this abstinence become a part of my life as opposed to my sole focus and just try to take more enjoyment from other things in life and improve myself as a person. Too much time dwelling on the issue can probably not do much good in the long term.

 

Day 21 - the three week milestone. This is only the second time I've reached this amount of time without PMO in over 13 years. Of course the first time was my 21st day into my 425 day streak. I'd love to be able to hop on here and write that I feel amazing and everything is great but the reality this time around isn't quite so pretty. For those of you who have been following this thread, I'm not quite as low as I was earlier on in the week, I've definitely picked up a bit since then.

Over the past few days I've been assessing my life and the things that I wish I was/had/could be bothered to get up and do. When doing this, I realised that pretty much all of the things I was thinking of were all linked to simply being a better me and having a better state of mind. Up until about 11 months ago I trained in the gym frequently and was relatively consistent for around 3 or so years. Since then, I've gone sparingly (if at all) and now haven't been in around 3 months. Any progress I had amassed has mostly disappeared, I'm now much skinnier like I was before, I don't fill out the shoulders and arms of my clothes like I had been doing, and in general I'm just not all that happy with the way I present myself. So I'd like to start going to the gym again - anxiety is holding me back from re-entering the gym for the first time. That's the stumbling block I need to get over. I'm not planning to go crazy in there, I work a pretty physically draining job so I'll probably aim to go to the gym 2 or 3 times a week. I'd say that's adequate for me, I want a workout routine to become a part of my week rather than something I drag myself through more often than I really want to. So that was the first thing I decided I wanted to do to better myself. Going to the gym always made me feel better about myself, I carried myself with much more confidence and enjoyed the feeling of achievement after completing a workout.

Secondly, I decided that I want to try to make some healthier changes to my dietary habits. Rather than just picking up a sandwich and throwing it down at work, then eating whatever when I get home, I'd like to make some healthier choices which will help me feel better about myself and also function better. Eat things which make me look and feel healthier. More fruits and vegetables. Healthier fat sources. Less pizza and McDonald's. Drink 2-3L of water per day. I want to look and feel better on the inside and the outside. So that was number two.

Number 3, I want to take better pride in how i take care of myself. Rather than hopping in and out of the shower, shaving for work because I have to and brushing my teeth in a hurry, I'm going to try to take a cold(ish) shower, make sure I was my face properly, start to take care of my appearance and have a great start/end to my day. (I've done a bit of research on cold showers - they seem great. I'll give them a try).

Finally, take more care of my home and keep myself busy around it. This doesn't need much explaining, healthy and happy home = healthy and happy life.

Once I'd been thinking about all of these things, I realised that they're all linked. All four of the things which I've just mentioned link almost directly to helping me be a better version of myself and be the person I was when I was at my best point during my last streak. and most importantly, this is when my relationship was at its best. We would go out and do things all of the time and just love being together etc. But now I'm a shell of a man, constantly seeking isolation but simultaneously looking for reassurance that 'we're good'. Constant bags under my eyes, unhealthy pale skin, poor sleep quality, lack of attention span, a lack of motivation and drive and just a lack of desire to live my life properly.

So, I'm going to try to implement these things into my life over the next few days and weeks whilst also trying to get my relationship back on track and also settle into a new job properly. I'm definitely emotionally overwhelmed at the moment with everything which is going on in my life and I really am trying to deal with it as best as I can but it really is hard a lot of the time and thats when I sit down and get the urges for PMO. And so that's when I decide to write long ass posts on here just so that I feel like I'm sharing my burden. I want to feel like 'the man' again, to feel comfortable and confident in myself. Tomorrow is day 22 of this new cycle of my Nofap journey, but it will also be the day I try to win my life back. Peace.

 

Day 28 - 4 weeks no PMO today! Feeling much better over the past 4 or 5 days. Sorted out a lot of issues with my relationship which were previously getting me down and now I feel much better.

This morning I was browsing Twitter and someone on my timeline had retweeted a video which was pornographic. It took me a second or two to realise what it was that I was looking at and then I just scrolled away. But the best part about this was that I've not thought about it since. In fact, I'd forgotten about it until I logged on here. I didn't feel anything towards it when I watched it. No desire to go back and look again. No desire to go and seek other videos etc. I just brushed it aside and got on with my day.

To whoever is reading this, I hope you're well and finding your path on your own journey. I'll check in again soon.