I have never had a girlfriend before in my life. NEVER! I am 21 years old and I think it's coming to a point in my life where I feel the missing link, where it's something that I need right about now, and yet, it's something that I still don't have. Well, sometimes I wonder if being in a relationship would make me feel better. What if I had this beautiful girl, this lovely woman who loves to be around me and wants to do things with me that boyfriends and girlfriends do (be sociable, go out for drinks or milkshakes, see movies, hold hands, kiss). For us singles, we all have ideal girlfriends in mind but I think at times I would just love to have someone of the opposite sex that I find attractive want to willingly be around me and is into me physically, mentally, and emotionally. I don't have many friends right now but I feel like at times just that single young woman could make up for it all! What do you guys think? For anyone who has girlfriends out there and is on "Nofap", does having girlfriends make it better at times? Does it help stay committed to your no porn/masturbation vow?
Hey dude, I'm Agustin and I am 18. I've never had a gf too, I frequently ask lyself the same questions you wrote. I think destiny had something prepared for us all, and yes, that includes you. Soon or later you will fall in love with the most beautiful women you've ever seen, and she'll fill exactly the same for you. Thanks for reading, Agustin Perez
This is very common here. I get thoughts like that too sometimes, but I'm realistic about it. I wouldn't really want a girlfriend, if that was the case I could have one. I got too many issues that need to be solved. Getting into a relationship just for the sake of it isn't how I want to go about it. Eventually, later in my life I will run into that person and it will happen. And it will happen because of that person, not just because I want a girlfriend. I think it's wrong to think that things will be better because of a girl. The right approach is that you need to make things good for yourself regardless of if you have a girl or not. You gotta be happy by yourself and when you are, you will also naturally get with a girl. I also don't have many friends, which is one of the main reasons why I don't want a girlfriend. I don't want to bring a girl into my non exciting life. It will happen one day, but not anytime soon. There is work to be done. Cheers.
Thank you CH3RRY. I like how you said what you said and that's come across my mind before, that I have no girl right now and that's that. I just have me and right now, there's something I should do with myself and only myself in this present moment. I guess it's the sense of loneliness that prevails at times, making me wish that I could make someone else happy, just as I'd make them happy.
Alright, I think I can say something helpful to that topic. Not out of experience in getting girls (31yrs, never been in a relationship) but out of countless hours of self reflection. And in the end it all comes down to your own decisions. I think it is important that you find out just why you are single. Do you really want to have a girlfriend? Did you try a lot? At some point I was absolutely desperate, felt like all hope was lost even though I had never actually tried hard enough. And then I realized that I would not even feel that much happier with her because I am just not at peace with myself. I felt like I cant even take care of someone emotionally besides of myself and I even struggle with that. This realization helped me a lot. Once I have my inner peace and I find someone where i can just be myself besides of her then I have reached the point where a relationship makes sense. A girlfriend cant make myself complete, I have to do this. Maybe you are in a similar situation
If you feel incomplete now, a girl will not necessarily complete you. A girl won't solve all your problems unless you problems are too much money and too much time. Girls come with their own problems. You have to remember they are people too, and have baggage just like you do. Don't get a girlfriend until you have come to terms with your baggage and until you can 100% be comfortable admitting everything to her. All your problems will not magically disappear when someone else comes into your life, they will only multiply and get harder to deal with. I too want a girlfriend, but I am not mature enough or ready enough to take on the responsibility. I've had one ( albeit a terrible one) and it was fun for a few weeks, but it costs a lot of time and money. People describe it like taking an extra 8 credit hour class at a college.
Thank you for the sympathy. I've also been thinking about what you're saying and I guess I over-romanticize. No, I don't expect a girl to make everything better; I guess I just assumed that having a level of closeness with another person, especially one of the opposite sex, could mend something together. But, again, that takes time.
Also an important thing to remember, how would you feel when the relationship eventually ended? You were feeling empty before the girl and then she made you feel fulfilled and now you're alone again. You will probably feel even more empty than you ever felt before. Just because of this you shouldn't even get into a relationship even if a girl showed up to your house right now. If you are feeling fulfilled and fine, then go ahead and get into it. But if you know you aren't right and went and did it, you would hurt yourself in the long run.
And in a way, I've done this a few times. It hurts when you see a girl being visibly interested in you, but you know it isn't the right decision. It hurts for a moment, but in the future you will know you made the right decision.
If you need someone else to complete you, that usually means you don't enjoy your own company or your own life very much. If you don't enjoy it, why would anybody else want to join you? You seem to be waiting for a girlfriend before you live the life that you want to live, but that's like waiting to gain a stronger body before you decide to exercise or waiting to be handed a job before actually applying for one. It's an immature victim mindset. How do you meet people? By doing things that are fun and interesting. By involving yourself and contributing to that community. By sharing experiences with like minded people. By going through struggles and victories with others. Not by waiting around for someone else to complete you. Nobody wants to be with someone like that. Someone who is protecting and conserving their energy rather than sharing. Someone who is only concerned with their pain and how unfair life is towards them.
My work offers a Chaplin for me to talk to about anything and I have been talking to him about my loneliness, pmo and video game/computer addiction. He has been helping me out a little over the last couple months. I would recommend finding someone to talk to in person since it has opened my eyes a little bit.
first of all stop whining around like a little bitch and be a real man, I'm 27 and never had a gf before and the fun part is I dont give a shit you wont get a gf if you feel bad. you need to feel good and be happy by being single. there is a saying: you attract things you send out. I also thought having a gf would make everything better but you have to do it on your own buckle up soldier and takle this shit like a true man.
Thanks CThatch94; that's what I'm thinking on doing. I do need to see someone. Um....thanks for the advice also Selix, I like your drill sergeant approach....kinda.
You’re 21, I got my first girlfriend at 24 so it’s normal. To answer your question having a girlfriend does help, I don’t need to watch porn anymore because having a healthy sex life is so much more fulfilling that any pornographic pixels on a computer ever will be. It also kind of scared me straight in a way, knowing that if I continued with porn, my porn induced erectile dysfunction would continue and get worse. So in that way having a girlfriend has helped me say dedicated to being clean and living the right way free of porn and masturbation.
