Hi, so this is question about the dreaded flatline. Which I may or may not be experiencing. For background information, I have suffered from depressive symptoms for quite a while, many of which were due to an illness that is now finally under control, lessening my depression symptoms by 50%. The symptoms are still too debilitating in the way they are preventing me from enjoying life, even hedonist pleasures (aside from porn) are affected. Social isolation (much of which isn't my fault) doesn't help. Now onto the subject. I have been experiencing a lack of libido for a good few months prior to starting nofap back in September (relapsed a few times, longest I went was 25 days) and along with this my ability to feel pleasure was virtually gone (yet could still enjoy looking at really stimulating porn). I had no idea masturbation could cause this, at least not a first. I DID however when I started masturbating in 2011 think it could be bad for me if I keep doing it. Especially the anhedonia (lack of pleasure) I would experience right after having an orgasm. Seriously, orgasms made me feel like my brain was being rubbed down. I am on my fourth serious reboot attempt (longest in descending order is 25, 19, and more recently 16, I am on day 7 on this one) and now I am experiencing really bad depression and some really weird paranoid thoughts (which I am afraid I can't go into since they involve a personal matter that is the main reason why I am doing nofap) related to my depression symptoms and how people have acted around me. I have little motivation for things and can't focus so well. Brain fog is of course a symptom (it was worse last year but was reduced greatly by treating the unrelated illness). My penis is also quite lifeless and flaccid, hell, I saw it shrink to it's smallest size ever the other day. Weird since I had a dream about it getting that small a few days prior. This may sound like typical flatline symptoms, but here is what bothers me. These symptoms fluctuate on a daily basis. Much of the time I will be in a flatline, but every so often my concentration improves, my anhedonia fades away (not entirely, but I can start to feel pleasure from things again, so it may continue to improve), I have more energy (strangely my flatlines don't sap my energy so much all the time, only during really bad periods) and my mood is much more neutral. Not perfect, but it has gotten very close to how I wish I could feel on a daily basis. Yet, when reading about flatline experiences, they seem to last for a long period of time rather than fluctuate every 1-2-3-6 days? This has got me doubting this is a flatline, yet the zero libido with hardly any sexual urges (did get tempted to look at a site where some of that kind of stimulating stuff comes up, but it was very very weak and more out of boredom from the "flatline", I am getting better at ignoring those temptations) seems to indicate that. What do you guys think? It's also possible I may have been in a flatline prior to NoFap.
Would say try hitting the gym or start going on walks. If it keeps up though you may want to check up with your doctor just in case. Restlessness is common same with ed and even depression/anxiety (you're cutting off your dopamine levels so it's going to drop your mood and cause issues) But if you think it might be something unrelated to nofappage or really extreme you should definitely seek some medical advice, at less to make ya feel better.
Your current situation sounds similar to mine. Most of the time, it feels very much like the flatline I have read about so much about from others on here. Every now and again, though, I have a little time - an hour or two, perhaps - where I feel really low. On the other side of things, I have periods where I feel as fresh as I've done for years. Largely, though, I feel run down, lifeless, struggling with concentration... much like before really. I guess different people will be affected in different ways. A history of mental health problems doesn't seem to help. But you're not the only one.
I go to the gym at least three times a week at the moment (and starting to find that it's making me feel better, no pmo must be connected to that). Haven't gone for many walks recently but that's something to consider. I am seeing a therapist soon so there is that. My mental health problems are related to an illness (which is known to cause mental health side effects) and the people in my area mistaking it for freaking autism. Basically, I grew up lonely and unable to function as well as I should have. But I found out what it really was and I know for sure it isn't autism (lack most traits) or mental retardation. But the damage is already done thanks to these clueless people. My brain fog is not as bad as it once was, even during my low times. But my motivation to get out of bed has gotten much worse (since I started nofap) on most days and I only get erections during these certain times where my libido goes a bit nuts. They pass and then I am back in a sort of flatline I guess. Those are the times where my sexual fantasies get a bit out of control, but they don't have the draining effect that porn has. This is going to sound odd, but this feels healthier than looking at porn or masturbating. Perhaps its my brain returning to normal? Plus, I am getting urges to want to actually see normal women, rather than woman partaking in this weird as fuck fetish I have (you don't want to know lol). Yet, despite this, I am seeing quite a few benefits the further I go into this. Who knows what I will be like in three months?
Perhaps it is returning to normal. I'm sensing that happening to me, too. But only just starting to, there's a long way to go yet. Let's see how we are three months down the line, shall we?
It may get hard after 30 days, yet despite being over 10 days into this attempt now...my urges aren't too strong. This may be because, when I relapsed in the past since I started NoFap in September, I felt my enjoyment watching fetish porn (it was for...large women, it's weirder than it sounds seriously) decline each time I relapsed. Not only that, each time I relapsed, I felt worse for masturbating. Eventually I came to the realization that my PMO was turning me into the person I always hated before my PMO days...a lazy barely functioning tard who was afraid of everything. That and it was causing me tremendous pain by crippling me of my ability to function and enjoy life. Essentially taking away my sense of free will. This has to be a dopamine issue. In Feburary I spent around 17 odd days not using the internet the way I have for the past few years (only used e-mail and one very unstimulating site). I played some older video games, but this cut out a huge chunk of my stimulation for a long time. I was able to edit this story I wrote the month prior...and I could focus and actually enjoy it! Seriously. But my mood swings were a bitch (so much of the time I still couldn't do this, unlike always being unable to function when I PMOed all the time) and I came down with an illness (it's under control as long as I avoid eating certain foods...but a mistake was made) which caused me so much agony I had to relapse to numb the pain. That is the last time I hope to relapse... It's a damn good thing I actually care about my future despite being a teenager still. Sucks I have to give up certain other things...such as anime since I don't think it's good for my mind (not entirely but it's best I feed my brain with the things I truly cherish if you know what I mean. Anime is full of sexual content too). Ugh...I fear I am turning into a puritan.
