How Stupid Was I All Those Years

When I was in my teens and 20s, happily fapping away to porn, I always assumed that someday I would quit. A couple years would go by, and I'd wonder how much longer it would be until I quit. But I'd think, I can still get away with a little more fapping. So a couple more years would go by, and the cycle would repeat itself. I always thought that quitting porn would be something that would magically "just happen" at some vague point in the future. When I turned 30, I was a little surprised that I was continuing to use porn at that age, but again I thought "I can get away with a little more fapping, I'm still not old yet". However, turning 35 was a different story. I was halfway through my 30s and still fapping to porn! Five more years and I would be 40! I wouldn't be young anymore! That magical time when I would just stop fapping hadn't come yet. So what I never thought about when I was younger is how much work it would take to stop using porn. Or I knew it, but just didn't think about it. It's not something that "just happens", it's something that takes prolonged time, effort, and attention. And it's hard. How stupid was I all those years

 

Oh bro you're not alone in this chit. I knew future me would regret all the shit I've done and even knew about how hard it would be to undo everything. At the time my arrogant past self didn't care though, it was all about how I felt in the moment. Such is life right? Smh

 

I started masturbation at age 13, I'm going to be 32 this year and I haven't been able to shake it off.
Fighting to break from addiction is one of the most hardest battles you will ever fight in your life.

(Respect to anyone who has overcome any type of addiction)
Another mistake we make is the underestimation of the impact of porn on our entire life and relationships. PMO people struggle to have a normal romantic life, they struggle to maintain jobs, and they have this awkward anxiety and general loser feeling that makes them so fucked up in everything (myself)

If we take this addiction serious as an enemy that is attacking us from within capitalising on our lustfulness we may stand a chance of winning.

Under addiction hypnosis, an addict will never be able to comprehend the magnitude of destruction going on and will never go all out mentally to take back himself from the addiction.

My brain has been completely taken over by porn. After resisting for some 5 days, the addiction goes all out on me, pushing urges at me Everytime, showing me images in my dreams, sometimes it even put an itch in my nipples or at places I will touch to further it agenda to get me relapse and return to daily masturbation.

I'm really sick of it and having issues with my health.
I'm planning to fight this with science now.

I want to go to a pharmacy and talk to a doctor and tell him to help me. Im also planning to be taking anti lubido drugs to keep my urges down.

I have to bring science into this.

 

Right, at least I'm putting the brakes on this addiction now, and not in another five years. I just hope that some of the younger NoFappers think about this

 

The same thought hit me this morning. I've been fighting this addiction for 6 yrs now. I will be 25 this September. And I was thinking I don't want to get to December still in this shit. But it's hard. I listened to Terry Crews' account on how he overcame this addiction. He mentioned therapy and rehabilitation. But in my country, it's hard to come by those things. And when you do, they are mostly expensive and I don't have that money now. Don't know what to do

 

Help yourself. Alone is possible. Empower your mind. We believe in you.

 

I am really thankful of this prospective.

 

Thanks for the encouragement bro. But I've always fought this alone and failed. So how is this time going to be any different?

 

In this life. No matter what they are trying to sell you. We are fighting alone. That's it . We are born alone, die alone. The middle is some kind of illusion. Nobody cares exactly the same as you. You are unique. You are doing something that is hard. If it was easy everybody would have done it. But you... you different breed. You have the power to go to the end alone. And life got a crazy humour . Once you accept that you are alone in your purpose, there comes company. To be alone in this world means you are intelligent enough that is for sure. A lot of people here I find intelligent and good. That addictions just stops us from being even better. If you really need help do that. Choose one day in the week. It could be any day. And in that day write to me on a personal. Write that you are in a streak. And do not let me down. I want you to flourish.

 

God gave me a kidney stone after each one of my relapses just to get through to me. I'm anxious and depressed af because of withdrawal but at least I no longer live each and every day in shame and guilt and that is something that makes it all worthwhile. I haven't had a kidney stone since my last session over a year ago.

Point is why would we allow something that makes us feel bad to remain in our lives? We shouldn't. To make this happen we should use our memories to remind ourselves of how porn makes us feel: good for an instant but miserable in the long run.

Never think you're automatically going to stop. It takes an iron will to overcome temptation. To forge an iron will you'll have to believe in yourself above anything else. You may not believe it but you are so much stronger than porn. All you have to do is believe in yourself.

 

Thankfully I'm done with feeling bad about the past, I just thought my post would be a good warning to people. But really I did have opportunities to stop in the past, if only I would have thought about what I was doing to my future self. My sobriety is being challenged lately, unfortunately, but still free from porn at least

 

Another thing that you need to understand is the biological perspective. Lust and sexual thoughts are always going to be a constant parameter in your life. It doesn't go away completely. Think about it this way. You see women walking around all the time. We are programmed and wired to reproduce. You will want to have sex and masturbate. It's perfectly normal in my opinion.

So the next question you might want to ask yourself is 'What are you going to do about it?"; which I am certain that you have asked yourself before or right now. You may have failed many times over and over again. But each time you fail you improve bit by bit and have probably learnt more about yourself. It might be a long road to recovery, but the important thing is that you don't stop trying. Once you stop trying, it's over. Every single day you have to remind yourself. On the contrary, abstinence is not the solution to pornography addiction (what I believe in). It is a tool or approach that you can adopt to heal yourself, be it your brain, mentally, psychologically or spiritually. You must take some time to be honest with yourself, reflect and identify the root causes of the problems in your life. I understand it is not easy (I am facing that challenge as well), but there are many other people out there in the same situation as you. Hopefully you can remember that you are not alone.

Stay strong bro. Peace.