42 Days in and what I realize is....

Shame! Being addicted to PMO for so many years through my late teens, all of college and most of my twenties. I turned 29 a couple months ago and I feel a huge weight of regret, shame and disgust that I did this for so long to the point I feel very sexually and socially repressed from doing this and do not love myself because of this. Not sure if this is normal but I don't feel like relapsing however I feel uncomfortable in my own body for doing this. Has anyone ever felt and come to this realization during their journey of NoFap?

I feel like crap and all I truly want is to have a great girlfriend to have that physical, emotional and sexual intimacy and bond. Has anyone felt this void in their heart? Not a virgin but feeling very inexperienced and the regret that I know deep inside me I could have done well with women and had a fulfilling sex life but ruined it with PMO for about a decade.

If anyone has been through this period of regret, feeling of shame, humiliation and embarrassment how did you get through this? I kind of feel like I don't deserve to live at times and feel stuck in a mental cycle of negative thinking and depression because I feel like I sinned myself doing PMO. Going to see a therapist about all this but wondering in the meantime how all of you who have broken out of this and got back to reclaiming your masculinity, sexuality, overcome this negative self-esteem and have a girlfriend or continuously get laid???

As a fellow man I'm eager to hear your opinions, feedback and results and helpful suggestions. Thanks!

 

Thanks everyone. I had relapsed after 63 days but not to porn. Needed a release of pent of stress and honest it felt great. Not going to lie. And of course with that single relapse let to me doing it again but not as frequently, few times a week or a month but not too porn. Despite my relapse I'd say the most successful thing is going almost an entire year without porn but the biggest challenge is abstaining from masturbation and finding a good sexual partner.

I was getting good seeing two girls, one I broke it off with because I just wasn't attracted to her in all levels: mental, emotional, physical, sexual and also in my heart. I felt worse having sex with her with zero feelings in bed. The other girl I was seeing we did everything but penetration but had some good oral sex a few times. Honestly she gave head like a porn star and it was the best I ever had and when I accidentally got clingy because her personality really attracted to me I accidentally was over communicated and lost her. F*** man. I was going through withdraw and honestly turned to porn to help with the sensation of reliving what I had from her the few times and almost got back into the bad habit of it. Now I just do it a few times a week but mostly not too porn. I'm trying really hard to go cold turkey on all of this and refocusing on myself. I can say that I didn't f*** my life up in anyway. Have a great job and going to get paid more soon at an even better job, travel, help friends and family, etc. so no matter what it never impacted my life of becoming an addiction. I just need to have a fulfilling sexual life with a good partner or multiple women.

Anyone get through this hurdle and have a good partner to have active sex with or multiple women that you're dating? Open to your thoughts and suggestions.

Thanks!