I have journaled a lot on this website since 2018, and this time I wanted to mention some ancillary benefits that have happened to me. They are unusual to say the least: 1. hyper-emotional - All my emotions are heightened. It is a dangerous situation, being single and lonely, finding myself at the brink of suicide. But I didn't fap to fix my emotions or my life. Instead, I came to realize that emotions were like cumulus clouds on a summer day, which drift and morph minutes later. Why let emotions control my life? Also, about emotions: being too happy or comic all the time, even though fun, seemed to put my life out of perspective. I was tempted to believe I was a comedian or a comic actor. So I had to control this too, since I had no experience or education in comedy, and needed to focus on my life's work as a musician. 2. longer reach - I had written in another post that I actually grew an inch taller. I was measured by the military and after my reboot measured by a nurse at a hospital. The longer reach thing I have not exactly measured, but I suspect that my arms are slightly longer since the reboot. Who cares? Longer arms give a man a biological advantage. Other than reaching into the passenger floorboard for CDs in rush hour traffic, longer reach had other benefits. In a fight, that extra few milimeters mean a great deal, because the difference betweeen a jab against an opponent and a punch is only defined by the power of the contact, the power more likely with more physical contact of the fist. Still too short to dunk a basketball, I felt that I was taking up more space in a subtle way, presenting myself as a more powerful male. Also, I thought it helped my drumming. 3. mad music - I struggled with limitations on some of the instruments I play, such as bass gtr, keys and drums, and vocals. I really believe that after the reboot and the numerous streaks thereafter pushed me into higher levels. The main problem I had was getting up and down the scales on piano. After my streak, I started to just do it like a one finger glissando, in a smooth way. 4. fear be gone - I was in two near-altercations in 2019, one with a shoplifter and the other with a park bench drunk. Both of them were threatening, and started to approach to hit. Normally there would have been adrenaline and/or fear. But I didn't feel that way. I just kept my eyes open, ready to dodge, hyper alert. And I just wasn't afraid, which was weird. Other dudes just don't frighten me anymore in a confrontation. Also, after last year's reboot, there was another attempted duke out when a strange dude grabbed my butt at an open stage. I'd be curious to hear your reflections, strange benefits or opinions!
I like what you said in point one about observing and controlling your emotions. I used to struggle with depression because PMO took me into a dark place, but now when I feel sad I just observe it and allow it to pass (indeed sometime I even learn to 'enjoy it' [or rather appreciate it's there for a reason]); usually 9 times out of 10 the rain is followed by glorious sunshine - and bright and warm indeed that sunshine is. Respect to you, stay strong.
Similar story to yours about confrontation. After 400 and some days clean I had an aggressive driver follow me into a parking lot and get out of his car to confront me. I was just so totally chill about the whole thing I think he was completely caught off guard. He would have destroyed me if he actually connected a hit but in like 30 seconds he was apologizing to me. Previously I would have been in fight or flight and the anxiety would have dripped off of me. This time I just kind of accepted the situation and remained in total control.
I love it! Great story. I think it could be true too. That's a weird thing about society these days. The world, media, and the population lives in a state of confusion and fear. So when they see a dude like you, all cool and non-reactive, they can't understand it, so better move on. Awesome!