Sadsturbation

I can only say your not alone..
I am exactly where you are with depression and PMO. Only that my depression comes from a chronic illnesses and I am disabled and use porn because I'm lonely and depressed.

 

Are you seeing a therapist? @properWood made a couple posts recently mentioning the Hamilton depression rating scale. I wouldn't look for easy answers, and "if only I can stop PMO long enough everything will be sunshine and roses" is an easy answer and it's not always that simple.

 

What I've found is that most PMO addicts gravitate towards PMO-use supposedly to "fix" negative emotions, though in reality, nothing is ever really solved. At best, you've temporarily numbed the pain and pushed off all of those emotions.
What this means is that you have to learn to properly deal with your emotions. One way, as mentioned by @Awedouble is to go to therapy. Personally, I either talk it out with friends or family, or go take a 20-30 minute walk, without listening to anything, and just let the emotions sink in.
Another way is to sit down and write everything you're feeling. This really helps in organizing your thoughts.

 

Don't get me wrong, I also freak out from time to time. It's what you do when you freak out that's crucial.
Good luck.

 

It's comforting to know there's somebody out there going through the same thing

 

i know the feeling too.. just keep coming here, i made it as my homepage a kind of barrier i set voluntarily.. as everything starts with going online..
i have already tried cutting off from internet.. and relearning to be content with the real.. but u cannot withdraw with internet forever.. u need it for study and stuff..
i also tried using one of those apps that block p related contents, but i knew i can just turn it off anytime.. as twas me who set it first..
well i had no will.. and thing is, each month there is always a time when u feel horny, it's bcuz of hormones i guess.. and i just gave in excusing myself as it's in human nature after all.. when u are alone, ur option is watching p, and u're not content with one view.. u always want sth with "better quality" most of the times, i want it with a real&good scenario.. not just the typical stuff which is actually boring.. and as u only can afford free u spend time browsing and half viewing everything but still ended up unsatisfied.. and it goes on and on.. til ur hormones calm down.. it may last a week or just 2days..
i think one of the solutions maybe outings and mixing up with communities where u feel at ease.. don't force yourself to join any communities either cuz it will be awkward and u will want to go home in ur comfort zone alone.. and that's when u start thinking about viewing some p again.. when u are alone..
i like loneliness.. i like it more when i stay wise hehe, but the feelings as u described above..guilt, low self esteem are sometimes unbearable when u lose control and makes u more lonelier and that when i hate loneliness
also, i am christian.. i don't wanna go to church when i just viewed p.. but sometimes i must bcuz of some responsibilities and it's actually good.. as u get motivated again to overcome p knowing u have the choice not to bear it alone but with Christ.. no matter what is the topic preached there, there is always one thing dominating for me: Christ just wants u to be with Him.. dude, He even wants to bear all of these.. i have two Biblical verses in mind but i can't recall the address now

 

Hmmm, not gonna give any advice since I'm in a similar situation,but just dropping a comment to say hang in there.

 

Find something more important than short term emotions. More important than escaping anger / depression. More important than instant gratification.

Unless you have that, it's not a big deal to relapse. It becomes something tolerable and something you settle for. It becomes a "just one more time".

There has to be bigger consequences when you relapse or else it's just self sabotage in order to stick to what you know and escape from dealing within the adversity of having a better life.

For example, it's no big deal for an average person to drink alcohol and get wasted every weekend, but there's huge consequences for an alcoholic trying to keep their life in order. If that alcoholic knows that when they drink they're going to be abusive to their children, they're going to take it very seriously or risk losing them.

Find something more important than temporarily feeling good.

 

One easy thing to find meaning in is helping other people on this forum. When we feel sad about someone elses situation it's not the same as feeling sad/sorry for ourselves, there tends to be at least a little altruistic motivation even if it's a simple kind word of encouragement. And of course we usually find it helps us because we tend to feel good about that and depending on how much detail we get into we may learn something in the process.