Back down the rabbit hole, sorry guys

I was doing great in a past post, but now i screwed up again. I haven't seen any escorts but I have contacted some but thankfully I have higher standards then some guys as I rarely will meet any of them because many have some attitude about it.he Or jump to the money they want. I was doing better, mind was sharper, more focused and exercising and keeping my chin up.

Now I have slipped and not exercising, not as focused. I am still working hard but I have this issue still going on. I don't know, maybe I'm trying to be hopeful but there isn't any way from me searching for escorts online that I'm going to find one that is up to wanting just me to have sex and enjoy my company and make out and be a girlfriend.
Even a so called GFE isn't one.
I have kissed escorts before, I have made out with some, but it wasn't like when I did with a girl who wasn't an escort which I have only had 2 women who wasn't.
And those were 1000x better then the escort experiences.
I've never had a girlfriend. Hope so one day. But my occupation does make it hard to meet people, and I feel sometimes I'm not worthy. I'm not a real man bc I screwed up.
Either way I'm not all depressed. Just putting an update.