The habit of approaching/talking to strangers

I find for me talking to a total stranger pretty much always ends up dying after the initial comment stage. Unless someone is old, weird or retarded, people generally have better things to do. If I were not a fugly chud maybe things would be different.

By total I mean someone you have utterly no connection with. It is a bit different if say it is someone you have seen around or someone who is in an activity or class with you.

 

By now I think most here know you suck at social. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and being negative. Even if it is true you can't do anything about it, which I doubt, that is ok. You don't have to be a social butterfly. Just do the best with what you have.

I think the idea is awesome. I did it for a while and I never felt as alive, even though it was far from perfect.

 

I think it's a great idea! I went through a period of time a few years ago after I got fired from a job when I was really down on myself and thought that everyone was judging me, compounded with my typical anxiety and I was a mess. It got to the point that I was having a hard time leaving the house.

I decided that I needed to move on and striking up conversations with random people was how I did it. If you start with a genuine compliment, or a question about, for example, where they got their purse, shoes, etc., most people will respond positively. This was really reinforcing and led to me being more and more comfortable that I wasn't being judged. Then, I got a job as a bartender, where I HAD to talk to people, and I was good to go. Now, I work in another job that requires talking to people, as a mental health crisis worker.

Talking to people definitely leads to good things!

 

How about starting out by chatting with someone who has to be nice to you like the grocery clerk? You're waiting for the groceries to be bagged and maybe comment on the weather or the persons name? Anything! I find the best time to strike up a convo is when you are waiting for something with a stranger. A coffee, an elevator, baggage check etc. I think 98% of people are nice and friendly. About 2% are jerks but they are jerks to everyone so don't take it personally.

I have major social anxiety so I challenge myself all the time with this. I feel the fear and do it anyway.

 

As long as you're having fun in the conversation, that's the important thing.

 

Six Ways to Make People Like You

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.

2. Smile.

3. Remember that a person's name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

5. Talk in terms of the other person's interest.

6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.


Be sincere, When someone can't handle or have time for you: accept it and don't act nor feel rejected because they had a explanation to do so.

If I was that person with the same experiences and way of thinking I would do act the same. There is a good reason when something doesn't work out.
You'll gain confidence because after a while you really don't care if they reject your request for a conversation (so the speak). Which makes people feel more comfortable and this increases the number of conversations you have. Like a skill.

Most people like to talk and most of them are happy to do so, in todays world where no one speaks a word in the bus sometimes you'll be a hero to start talking

 

I have! I have done a lot crazy stuff in the airport, and I have learned the following.
Tips:
1)Practice with yourself in the mirror. This one is the best because if you are comfortable watching yourself talking, people will feel it. Including hot Venezuelan or Brazilian models Trust me!
2) Find something interesting about her. Observe!!! Most of the time, the best conversations occurs when you have genuine interest of knowing her.
3) Don't be shy to loose or fail. This could be the hardest, but I know you can take it.
4) If she's always looking around, then she is looking for someone to chat with.(it has its exceptions, careful)
5)Have fun.
6) Also, try to give some signals to her so you can move the conversation to a much sweeter path. Most of the time, hot babes will talk with signals throughout the conversation for example: "Nobody had taught me how to dance salsa"-->She wants you to teach her!! Read them, and act quick.

 

@ willem20 That's why I'm starting to live without fapping. I guess it increase my bad social feeling about communication to stranger. I want to be better in pickup and communication in life.

 

Whaddya guys say we come up with an objectives list?!

Every time someone completes an objective like, say
"In one day, approach 15 men, and 15 women, ask a generic question, and then find a way to genuinely compliment them",
they 'level up' and go for the next objective.

Each objective has to be challenging enough so that at first you have to do less than the goal quantity and increase gradually over a period of days, until you're completely desensitised.

 

(note.. I'm definitely no social peacock)
Have talked to strangers but only when i'm feeling more confident than usual. Sometimes I can feel when i'm getting anxious and try to concentrate on my breathing and relaxing the muscles in my shoulders.
Have to be prepared and have enough energy to keep conversation going, hence only do it myself when i'm feeling more positive.
In supermarket, when shopping, sometimes with people I see around the flats where I live sometimes with people at work who are new. Always try say something about the present environment and with links in chat that they can respond to. Have done best not to do it in a way to make a situation awkward. Humour usually works well for me.

I think that a positive counter of this type would be tremendously helpful.

Was thinking of something like 'Opened (at least) 3 conversations with persons name or find out their name before end of conversation' I know its pretty simple. Think I could manage that every day
Like the one from the opening post

 

In the past weeks I tried talking to some some cute girls but I ended up following them for few blocks like a rapist and not doing anyhting. Then I beat myself up for it ofc and felt depressed. I know that if i don't push my fears It'll get worse.

 

Daaaamn, that's the idea! You gave me a golden thought. Just give me some time to do proper research and in some time I'll be back with a game which hopefully will help us improve our lives!

 

I don't make it an objective at the start of the day to talk to a set amount of people, because I come in different situations every day. What I do is pushing myself to talk to people if the opportunity arises. When no opportunities tend to arise, I make it a sport to make something up to say in my head to get better at freestyling conversation. In this way I can't fail myself and I still get better. But this can't become to lose, because then you won't go out of your comfort zone anymore, you have to push it to get better.

 

Psychological fact. Numbers make us happy. Especially men. These kinds of exercises are used in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and in quality dating/social skills programs

 

Interesting read that might help with this.
TL;DR: Why to read this book: Explains in one chapter how conversation can be done. Also explains how to not creep someone out. Won't show you how to take courage to approach... this ... you need to do yourself.

Spoiler: longer story

I've been through some years of PickUp, doing all kinds of things recalibrating my social interaction and i might established some realy weird habbits... nasty stuff this pick up...
anyway... i then found a girl i like and she likes me... (or she is just tough enough to bear with me).
Then i forgot about PU, but some habbits stick and annoy me pretty much.

I found this book from Mark Manson who got a blog and i thought 10€ wouldn't hurt.
After reading i only can agree with his observations.
This book should be called "how to attract women and other human beeings - and don't be a creep like pretty much any PUA out there"

 

I hardly ever talk to strangers in my home city but when I travel I do all the time its a number of things people are more approachable outside of the city wilderness hikers and bikers in my experience last year when I traveled to the mountains to start a new life I met more people in a week then I have in a very long time I had a class in a nearbytown from where I was staying was travelling by bike.....alone in a 2 hour ride it took 5 hours to get back just because I was talking with people but that was part of what I was doing out there was working on my social anxiety my class required public speaking but it was something I really wanted to do at least then.

So after having to go through public speaking I found talking to strangers pretty easy and been addicted to traveling solo since but always disappointed that I haven't met as many cool people as I did last year.