did femdom porn made me submissive minded forever?

My situation seems very similar / the same as yours. I am DEEP in this addiction. I have found though that when I’m able to avoid femdom my desires for healthy/positive sexual experiences come back. So I have hope

 

Please send me a private message i have the final cure for your fetish (all free)

 

I have never seen femdom or anything like that, I am not even sure about what it is, but am I the only one who thinks that women being dominant in [TRIGGER] doesn't sound as bad as everyone makes it sound like?

 

I believe all porn is bad because you cannot stick with one genre, it soon becomes boring, so use escalates and gets weirder and weirder. This corrupts the mind and stops you from being able to think and feel normally. The only cure is to stay away from porn and focus on being your best self.

 

If you don't quit that stuff in a hurry, you'll probably escalate till the point of no return.

 

Agreed... but as long as the dom/sub dynamic is part of that relationship. When it comes too P there isn't a relationship at all, perversely I'm starting to appreciate that it's a one way street where P takes all the time. Strangely, being effectively an inanimate object.

I'm not gonna preach as the converted as I'm only 10 days into this myself, and moving away from a very deep seated femdom and worse place. But I am accepting of that fact I am, in general, a more submissive personality. My wife is more dominant and I remember back to amazing times when that dynamic was played out in the bedroom... without any long lasting or negative impacts mentally to either of us.

So, "women being dominant isn't as bad as people make out".... absolutely agree with you there, and I'm sure it will continue to be a massive turn on for me. But I'm hoping for it to be reciprocated from a relationship that I have power in as the submissive role too.

 

@Confiscate @Onefootforward @Jonnyb4

Nope. Anything instilled by porn can be reversed.

Does porn addiction cause irreversible damage to the brain?

Through any type of porn, certain behaviors, situations, and media are connected with very high levels of arousal and orgasm. Since arousal and orgasm are the most "chemically rewarding" behaviors you can do, the actions associated with them are also viewed as highly rewarding.

In the case of femdom porn, your mind has connected arousal and sexual reward with...

• submission
• humiliation
• lack of control/choice
• giving up

... and so on. You don't even have to perform those actions or behaviors for your mind to make the connection. So in your daily life, even when not watching porn, your mind will find these types of behaviors very rewarding, and encourage you to do them. You may not even know that it's because of sex!

So in short, NO, anything that's been done to your brain is not permanent. A 90 day reboot and a couple months of rewiring will put you well on your way to clearing this stuff form your mind.

I was deep into some "sissy" porn stuff, which is closely related to femdom. I was PMOing to some weird stuff, and it was bleeding into my actual life. However, with the reboot and rewiring, I'm doing A OK. I still have some urges to watch some stuff or do some actions, but I have a very clear sense of what is a porn urge and what's a sexual attraction, so I just ignore the urges. Hope this helps! If any of these questions apply to you, I would encourage you to follow them as well...

Is my fetish porn-induced?
Studies Find Escalation (and Habituation) in Porn Users
Why am I addicted while my friends are not?
My penis is too small.
Do I have to have sex in order to rewire?
Can porn use affect memory and concentration?
I quit using porn and now I feel worse. Is this normal?
Does it help to view porn use as immoral?
What do I do when I have too much sexual energy?
Why did my porn use escalate?
Why is the idea of sexual variety so enticing?
What are the symptoms of excessive Internet porn use?
Why do porn cues still trigger a rush (sensitization)?
Studies reporting findings consistent with escalation of porn use (tolerance), habituation to porn, and even withdrawal symptoms
Studies linking porn use to poorer mental-emotional health & poorer cognitive outcomes

 

There's a thread in my profile for getting rid of sexual masochism.

 

Agree with above that femdom interest and porn need not be inextricably linked to the point where the occasional scenario where a woman is dominating in your actual interactions should never happen. As a lover of women I can understand wanting to let them play out their own dominant urges from time to time, and getting enjoyment from seeing and sensing their enjoyment. As long as you get eventually back to balance. The notion that only men should be dominant at all times in sexual interactions (and I see that in these boards) is probably untrue and unfair.

 

Sorry, this isn't the case at all although it depends how extreme it is. Anything more extreme than facesitting and foot fetish will cause permenant psychological damage. If you increase serotonin enough you will stop being turned on by anything submissive at all.

 

I don't know anything about brain chemicals so ok.

 

I don't know much about the science myself. I got extreme pain around my heart earlier this year after doing this swearing thing and it turns out swearing activates serotonin neurotransmission. The mental damage is unbearable and I still have pain now but nothing like it was earlier this year.

 

df

 

how to check your journal?

 

as with any addiction this is your mind trying to keep you hooked.. you'll never be able to escape it may as well have another drink.
I quit smoking successfully years ago - i had the same thoughts and urges I'll never be able to relax or enjoy breakfast *yes we used to have cigarettes with coffee after breakfast!). Now, twenty years later, the thought of having a cigarette just seems silly. I don't fret if I smell it (which is rare these days, i don't get 'triggered' the urges are totally gone...

Anything that's pulling at your brain like that is an addiction.
I am generalizing it here to first isolate it. its not you, it's not who you are.


I have struggled with this too - and I realize it fluctuates I have done a lot of face it in my time here - i am not over it yet and have relapsed but I have also had streaks where it seems like the silliest stupidest thing in the world - how could I have been into that?!

I now realize the relapses came during times of extreme loneliness and low self esteem and when i was afraid of life's challenges. It makes sense - i want to 'give up' control because I fear taking on responsiblity.

This is my personal take on it, but I share it because there is probably another reason for the femdom/sissy stuff- so in addition to giving up PMO, you may want to examine self esteem and confidence and do things to build that - small challenges, find a GOOD self esteem course or workbook and do the work - just reading isn't going to help as much. Many of them are hokey but find one that works for you.

 

I'd say that it's obvious that there is a part of you that is alarmed by, and not attracted to the idea of being 'submissive'. That itself kind of has a double meaning too. There's the fetish 'submissive' and then there is the notion of relinquishing control to a real partner when in bed. There's nothing wrong with the last, and plenty of things wrong with the first. I can assure you that a real partner trying to fulfill the requirements of your fetish will ALWAYS fail your expectations if you're still addicted to pornography. After quitting, and giving it some time, your mind will definitely relearn to enjoy and appreciate intimacy with a partner that's built on mutuality. Heck, you might get the opportunity to have her be a little controlling, but in a healthier and much less weird way (trust me, I was into some pretty crazy stuff...that's me calling it what it is and not seeking to offend you). I can assure you that a woman who'd want to do the things that you've become addicted to.....is not the woman you want to marry! I think you can use some common sense when you get there when it comes time to develop intimacy in a relationship....and you already know what would be healthy and normal and what wouldn't. You'll want healthy and normal again trust me! It's like radiation: time, distance, shielding. The further you've distanced yourself mentally and physically from porngraphy...the less contaminating its effects will be.

I know all of this because that's what happened to me, and my addiction was very deeply rooted in a variety of fetishes...some of then pretty rough and downright strange.

If this has extended to the type of partner you want to seek out and date...someone who'd extend the fetish into daily life...then my advice would be to read up on what constitutes normal and abnormal relationship behavior and be on the lookout for it. You also need to put some time between ending your habit and starting a relationship. How are you suppose to take care of a partner when you're still addicted to this stuff? You have the responsibility to your further partner to end your relationship with porn and fetishes...because thats what it is in your brain....a relationship. Plus some time between quitting PMO and a real partner will allow you to redevelope healthier notions of what a relationship should look like.

 

This is brilliant!
remember that a lot of 'arousal' in pmo, fantasy comes from taboo breaking (this by nature is never satisfied) ,and anxiety angst tied to arousal (people into BSDM get this at an early age, apparently) .
Neither is healthy sex - its your internal mind latching onto sex for comfort to deal with these feelings.

And the thing about sexual fantasy - trying to act them out is never satisfactory - anymore then trying to recite the lines from a play in real life - trying to make life conform to a script. ..it's better to find someone you're attracted to and be surprised by the wonders of your intimacy.

 

If you quit one time for good, you'll probably have the time to recover in your life.