Is it better to PE with my gf than to hold back?

That's not a bad guess, but I'm 45. I am feeling pretty immature with this issue and PE is a new concern for me (except when I was much younger).
And you are correct. I am worry way too much, which I think just causes more "performance anxiety" and thinking about PE during arousal just makes it that much more likely to happen!

I did. Oops. I think it was a mistake for us to have sex in the morning when I literally only had about 5 minutes to spare! I think it exacerbated the PE, I was so ashamed that I couldn't think of anything to say and she had to clean up and get dressed herself.
So that did happen. But of course we meet again, and I can focus more on emotional and physical bonding when we are together.

Yes! This is true! I am grateful knowing that she cares about me and wants what is best for me. But I'm also worried about her not getting her sexual needs me. She's in her late thirties and told me clearly in the beginning that she does not want a sexless relationship.

 

My girlfriend is in her sexual prime (late thirties) and we haven't had sex in over a week (or two weeks if you don't count the last fifteen second enounter)

I thought things were okay, but on Saturday morning she told me that she wasn't getting her sexual needs met. I didn't want to tell her that I had slipped three times with masturbation and I really just didn't have any sexual energy available at that time.

She went home suggesting that she would "take care of it" herself. I meditated and did my best to get myself prepared for the evening (mostly focusing on loving thoughts and trying to see how I can please her). But, that night, when we went to bed she was stiff as a board and rejected my sexual advances. I was trying to avoid getting into a serious conversation at that hour but when I tried asking her what she wanted or if I should stop she mostly glared at me and either said nothing or gave me one word answers. I asked her if she wanted to cuddle, and she said "okay" so that's what we did, but I didn't sleep well that night feeling rejected and stonewalled.

On some level, I think that maybe she is trying to help me heal, knowing that I have an addiction to PMO, and she's worried that having sex with me might send me on a bender. But I'm also getting nervous that she's not getting her sexual needs met and might end up seeking pleasure and/or validation elsewhere

 

@bms1985 Thank you so much for this post. There is so much good stuff in here and it gives me a lot of hope!

Good news: we've actually talked about these things and worked a lot out in the last couple of weeks. In fact, I haven't even had PE the last few times!

I'm quite convinced that it's psychological . . .

Spoiler: Possible Trigger

I sense that something is wrong and start to fear that I'm going to lose her (a fair assumption I think if we are only 3-4 months into a relationship and having sexual issues.) I start to fear that she will either find another man to satisfy her sexually OR worse (much worse), she will leave me completely
I have had several girlfriends cheat on me in the past, and I did not cope with that in a healthy way (i.e. I used porn and masturbation) so these fears can be very triggering.

I think the combination of the triggering fear that she might leave me for another man, as well as the fear that having PE would only make things worse, just makes it more likely that I will PE. So much so that I literally had a "hair trigger" and slipped several times with almost no stimulation

I guess my best analysis is that insecurity in my relationship and fear of PE are the two biggest contributors to my PE. It was really hard to tell her how insecure I felt, but doing so has really helped with both of those factors

Possibly she was, maybe paying me back for not communicating with her . . .

God bless him. I think that's the perfect recipe, but my gf has been reluctant to let me do that lately.

So true!! So very true. If we can remember this, we might feel so much less shame.

This is the hard truth of what PMO does and how it affects others. And I'm sure that it caused loads of trouble (and hurt) in my previous relationships.

This is why I want to give up porn and masturbation forever. All that energy should be saved for my partner. I should be turning towards her, not away from her if I'm not getting my sexual desires met.