Super morbid post :D

This is more motivation for myself than anything. Some might find it useful and others might find it upsetting, but its helping drive my thoughts of quitting (holy crap I'm on day 5!) yet again.


I work in an industry where I deal with a lot of death. I see dead people, have picked dead people up, and I get to see and hear just how many people die in the surrounding area. I get to hear the anguish of family members when they realize I can't help their loved ones. Many people aren't exposed to it, and a small part of my job is to deal with these things so others don't have to.

I made me really confront my own mortality much earlier than I think most people do. I was in my mid twenties when I had the realization that "holy shit that is going to be me some day. I am going to die...at some point in my life things are going to come to an end." It could happen today. It could happen tomorrow....it could happen sixty years from now but the fact remains.

I bring this up because when I think about my mortality I think about an afterlife. I don't know if I believe in one but I'd like to. It doesn't matter one way or another though really. Maybe we're judged by God..or reincarnated..or just past into nothingness. Until I find out the one thing that I cannot live my life with is knowing that I never defeated PMO...that I'll take it to the grave with me. I can't live knowing I never got to experience all of the things I want to....that I risk throwing what little life I have away on PMO. Its morbid I know, but its fueling my desire to quit for good. I do not want to walk out of this world still an addict.. still looking at the awful things I looked at....I want to leave knowing I defeated my demons and left them in the dust.

 

It's a good take on things to be honest. I just had a realization of mortality several years ago. I finally had the one call that 'got to me' about it. I don't really think about the dying part....its the time until then that I'm concerned about. I want that time to be the best I can possibly make it because I don't have hundreds of years. I might only have a few.