New Fapstranaut - 90 days of Hard Mode

Hello fellow NoFap-ers!

First off, I find this element of sharing really weird, so please bear with me.

My story is probably much the same as that of other more experienced community members. I have been watching Porn for over a decade and in the darkest times I would go to extreme stuff. I realized something is wrong maybe 2 years ago when after a usual session I realized I am repulsed by the same video I just used to orgasm. I though to myself "This is wrong! I shouldn't feel like this if its okay."

Circumstances didn't allow me to address this for a long time. I finally educated myself a bit more, about 6 months ago, finding about the NoFap community and science behind porn addiction. I even read some Tao. Then I attempted, about a dozen times, to quit by myself. I admit each attempt was half-hearted and my longest streak so far would be around 10 days. These attempts did have some effect, reducing my sessions to ones every few days.

Recently I became aware that many of my habits and activities are focused on high-dopamine release, which then results in no desire to do the stuff that my sentient self actually wants to do. Hence why in the dawn of 2020 I will try to eliminate the biggest threat to my better self, porn.

As per the caption I am starting a 90 days of Hard Mode. I am picking this mainly because its the standard but also because it fits my personality. I am an all in type a guy. I expect to have barely any trouble in the first week, mainly because of my past failures. I read the "Getting Started with NoFap" and already have picked some strategies to keep the urges at bay. I plan on making my browsers porn repellent by the end of the day. Hopefully this will be enough but if not I will keep you posted as I struggle along.

Thank you for caring for another Fapstranauts' struggles and good luck in your own Reboots!

 

Hello!

It seems part of my reboot and recovery process requires of me to share my failures as well as my successes. Strap in Fapstronauts, it's gonna get ugly.

So, yesterday I slipped and before I realized I not only had to reset my counter but was already deep in the chasers effect. I thought I won't have troubles this first week and my addiction decided to put me in my place. Trying not to PMO or sexualize the females around me stressed me out more than if I just got on with my day as usual. This "knowledge" of 90 days without getting the release combined with a worse day than average pushed me over the edge.

I have to say, I fought to the end but I had doomed myself to failure from the start. I tried to "deal" with my emotions and resorted to my bountiful arsenal of tools for the job. I started off with some binge watching and when that didn't help I turned to comfort food. These two have been doing less and less for me in the last year, due to my changing personality and worldview. I tried gaming and when that also didn't work I had to get out the big guns. Sure but I had just forbidden one of these bad boys, Porn. Without that lulling release I turned to the next best thing, weed. Bad decision, very bad decision. The pressure from abstaining, just the idea rather than the physical element, combined with my now wisp thin willpower and self-control, resulted in an explosion, figuratively and literally.

I now recognize, much like all of you have, that my issue is not so much inability to stay away from Porn and Jerking off but a need of escape from my present. And so if I want to make it through 90 days of No PMO then I need to deal with my escapism. The silly thing is that most of my current angst is either self inflicted or me lamenting over things I don't have. I know better regarding both and can do something to fix them, but years of running away from my issues have trained me well, so its gonna be hard.

I've reset my counter and hopefully will do better from now on. I may slip again this week while I am sorting out all the bad habits I need to remove from my life. Things that ultimately pull me down. Wish me luck!

P.S. I got so caught up in my own drama I almost forgot!
Stay strong Fapstranauts! We can do it!