These comments are pretty terrible. Calling her a weakling? Maybe you should look up betrayal trauma. Many many women see this as cheating. It destroys your self esteem. Would you have stayed with her if she came to you and said she’d slept with other men the entire time? Many women feel just like that. It was very brave if you for telling her. I hope you take heart in that. She would have discovered it eventually and her trauma would have been much greater. It doesn’t make her a bad person for making her own choices on what she can accept for a relationship standard. But you now know how serious this is and have experienced a consequence. Take that and learn from it and become a better person. For yourself.
Thank you. And yes, you're right. I would never call her a weakling or a terrible person, because of it, and I'm not terrible either. I made an accident move during my relationship, which was not my intention to. I truly love her.
I wouldn't call her weak. Being in a relationship with a porn addict is like having a noose around your neck and being tied to a moving car. You are forced to move along in a situation and in a direction you can not and have not chosen, and if you try to stop it you can make sure you will just suffer in another way. Breaking free from an addicted spouse is self perseverance, an absolute human right. Being an active porn addict is just as abusive to your partner as any physical abuse you might think of. If I chose to batter my husband with broken wine bottles because I couldn't curb my violent behaviour, or chose to sex chat with strangers because I couldn't help myself, I wouldn't call him weak if he left me. I would call him strong for not putting up with my own weakness and bullshit. We can ask a lot of our partners, but we can't ask them to harm themselves because they happen to love us. In this case, the OP did the most loving and responsible thing he could have done and she WILL know this for sure, once enough time has passed. If they are right for each other, she will come back to him, because he took 100% responsibilities for his actions and not a lot of PAs are prepared to do that.
@Ase5829 and @Lilla_My thank you for the different points of view. I did indeed completely overlooked the fact that OP was together with his/her/their SO for almost 1 year already, before confessing about the PA. And I do understand what you are trying to say about feeling betrayed, upset and non-desirable while dealing with PA partner. However, in my opinion, there are these points that OP should consider : A) He/she/they have already confessed about struggling with PA and instead of support or any compassion, SO had decided to take an easy way out of the whole situation. The one that would make them feel better or normal about themselves or the situation itself (which is not a huge problem at all, since every single person deserves to feel happy about their lives and choices). However... B) Yet again, in my personal and subjective opinion, as I have mentioned in Point A, your partner had chosen their own personal happiness, instead of offering you any help, in order to change or better the situation. Which, sadly, it had become a very common trend in modern society. Instead of working on a situation people tend to choose the easy and comfortable way out. So, in this particular case, if I were OP, I would be really cautious about my ex SO. Because he/she/them had already proved that they will choose their personal happiness, instead of working through the things out together as a team. To conclude, I would never try to get back with a person who had left me, while I was really struggling (and willing to change). However, sadly, people tend not to be concerned about actually putting effort into dealing with tough situations these days (same could be said about us, PA's tho). So, yeah, I can definitely see all of your points. It's way more easy to be happy than to be fighting. Peace, love you all, regardless of your gender, race, sexual orientation or past.
Ok, thank you. Anyways, I've been looking up this guy named Dan Bacon. He is, in my opinion, a real life saver. He's made videos on youtube about different possible ways of getting back with my ex! His words are giving me hope and motivation on winning her back! I won't give up, and I'll keep trying, no matter what!
Living and being in a relationship with an abusive person is far more than a “ difficult situation”. Many porn addicts do not even see the abuse, but the so feels it every day. Would you blame her if he was coming home and slapping her every day? Would you call her weak? Just because it’s emotional abuse rather than physical doesn’t change the facts that it’s still abusive. Been with my husband 33 years. I know exactly how destructive this addiction is to both partners.
I agree completely. When I was telling my ex about my addiction, I was nervous and scared of how she would react. Learning the fact that it affected her before when she was married years ago, leaving her ex-husband after she caught him watching porn. I never knew about that before until she told me that that was the reason. Not knowing before that it was wrong for me and I was very irresponsible, and I have faced the consequences. I still feel guilty for hurting her emotions by mistake, even though I never blame her for leaving me. But now, I'm still finding ways to make it up for her.
I'm bringing back this thread one more time. I finally found an article from Dan Bacon's website, and I finally discovered and understood the true reason why my ex left me. Everything that says there just makes perfect sense to me. God... this guy's my fucking hero, no doubt!! https://www.themodernman.com/blog/should-i-tell-my-ex-that-im-getting-help-to-work-on-my-issues.html
Interesting stuff, I agree. BUT the idea of getting ex back is a very bad idea itself, waste of time and health in 99% cases Anyone here who has get his ex back and they live happily ever after? (I don’t think so )
