What are the values of real men? (in your opinion)

There is absolutely nothing wrong with your thinking. Quite the contrary, I think this kind of thinking is -and should be- the standard. It's a modern concept that having a lot of sex makes you a man, too bad it's not true. Maybe you can't put your finger on it but you feel it. You can trust this instinct.
I'm sick of hearing over and over again that if you say something that someone else thinks otherwise, you are judgmental. Like we are prohibited from deciding what is right and what is wrong.

To answer your question: as a certain song puts it: "It's a matter of integrity, trust, and reality. It's to know about wrong or right, that makes you a knight!"
Integrity: you say and do the same things
Trust: in yourself and in others, because that is the only way you can form true relationships with anyone. Everybody wears masks nowadays. You have to put down your own and then others will be encouraged to put down theirs as well.
Reality: get real. Get out of your own head and start to discover the world as it really is. Stop generalising.
Knowing wrong and right: that means you know who you are and what you live for, and you cling to those ideas even if everyone else says otherwise. You can still listen to others, but you will know if an idea is beneficial for you or detrimental.

There is a lot more to this topic, but I just wanted to assure you: trust your conscience.

 

Simply making the world the better place without, harming others in an order to achieve it.

 

A masculine man is someone who makes his own decision regardless of what anyone else thinks or says. If casual sex is not for you then don't let anyone else sway you. That is true masculine confidence. Men today feel really lost so they look for 'masculine cues' to become masculine like banging lots of chicks, drinking beer, being an asshole etc. None of this is what real masculinity is about. At the same time no one can really tell you what masculinity is FOR YOU so you have to decide what is masculine and what is not. I am a woman so does wearing makeup and liking the colour pink make me more of a woman? No, but that is what society tells me I should do. See the similarities. Some women like makeup and pink and some do not. Some men like having sex with lots of women and some do not. Do what works for you! Have confidence in your unique expression of masculinity. You are not flawed and you do not need to be fixed. I agree with EarthDragon to always trust your conscious, that is your unique expression of masculinity.

 

Exactly. Machoism is a perversion of true masculinity. Compensating for something that is not there.

 

The difference between a man and a boy IMHO is that a man would go for fulfillment and commitment over pleasure and indulgence, things that are beneficial in the long run and give long-lasting and positive happiness as opposed to feeling great in the moment and feeling negative and bad afterwards.

 

Mark Queppet talked about that in one of his videos. I'd like to add also that a real man is able to face and endure discomfort without running away from it, without turning to means of escape from uncomfortable feelings by numbing them through addictive means of indulgence like PMO.

Delayed gratification, good stuff you got there.

Compassion, wisdom, and discipline are some of the most important values of real men, both in relationships with oneself and most importantly with others.

Also gentleness. Gentleness of character that is, a pleasing personality, a loving and kind nature. One can be a great warrior and badass fighter but still be very amiable and magnanimous to all he encounters from the most wretched deviant lowlife to the most wealthy and privileged of people, he treats all with kindness and tenderness, and is able to stand up and fight for the weak, he is a peaceful warrior. He as in the junzi, the superior gentleman.

 

I have enjoyed reading this post and the replies. I would like to add that I feel some of the major problems for men these days is the idea that they are somehow not "a Real Man". Of course they are a real man, they were born as one. They may be an underdeveloped / infantile man but they are a man all the same. I feel we need to take the pressure off ourselves a bit about whether or not we match up to some ancient or more modern myths of manhood. Plus men have always run away from feelings, in the old days it was mostly through work or alcohol, getting caught in their heads. It will be us and the generations to follow that grasp this way of living in true balance with our thoughts and feelings. I might be wrong about all of this but I feel quite passionate about it.

 

Real men are accountable. Once they commit to something, they can be held responsible to honouring that commitment. Be it a relationship, a work commitment, a word to a friend or whatever it may be. Men can also be identified with the values they hold and their thoughts on those values. Respect for another's views, standing up for the weaker ones, not taking advantage of a seemingly immoral opportunity, leaving a legacy behind - at least for their own children, if not the world are some values of a man. Real men are known for their wisdom. This wisdom should dawn on them from inside themselves - not from books, videos (Youtube for our times) or from people. Wisdom comes from silence that the man keeps. A real man can stay still and not be restless for the next thing, the next high, the next appreciation, the next whatever it may be.

But to reach the level of "manliness" there are years of boyhood to be transcended. The boyhood years of failure, fear, experimentation and learning. A male can be a boy in some respects even at the age of say 60. In my culture, there is belief in after life. Some people, our masters say, take lifetimes to learn some values like courage or attain wisdom. What is left incomplete this lifetime will be taken up in the next lifetime. So, the days of the man (or woman be it) are not just 70 to 80 years of life. It may extend to even 1000 years of many births and many experiences till one attains the wisdom, reaches the values and knock the doors of teachers who impart those values to them.

 

For me my faith teaches me to be a man.

What real men don't practice:

Lust
Gluttony
Greed
Sloth
Wrath
Envy
Pride

What real me do practice:

Chastity
Temperance
Charity
Diligence
Forgiveness
Kindness (Admiration)
Humility

 

I would like to quote the following poem which extrapolates the values that each of us can decide to pursue. It deals with patience, openness, confidence, humility, forgiveness, perseverance along with many others.

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

- Rudyard Kipling

 

hm, i just had to google masculinity... i often mix it up with male attributes.
masculinity stands for cultural shaped male attributes - keyword is cultural

My friendcircle would say
In my opinion and in my social class a masculine male is:
A physical average to strong man - deep voice - strong in mimic and appearance. Relaxed and has a great social circle. He is an extrovert. Does what he says. Dominant in appearance. It doesen't matter if he has one or more women, as long as he got one. It doesen't matter if he fucks them or has fun with them. A leader. It doesen't matter if he leads or not, as long as he can protect his circle.

And this are some non-masculin attributes that i think are good for a masculine male in my society:
- Open minded
- Knowledge seeking
- Intelligent

 

If you take a male human and wait until he gets into puberty, when his hormones kick in and he is driven by them, you see there is a great difference in appearance and phyique to the boy he was born.
Take a female human and wait until she gets into puberty she will turn out also quite different. Men are men yes, but masculinity isn't given with your fathers seemen. It is shaped by society and your environment. It is shaped when you become a man while going through puberty. Before that, you are just a kid who knows pretty much nothing about adaulthood.
But besides that your are right... masculinity is just a social construct that prevails from ancient times. But i don't feel like i'm pressured into something. It feels more like i'm growing into something that feels right. Might be social bias, but it is that environment that i'm living in. So i'm just adapting.

You could discuss if our masculinity is still needed... yes. Or is it wrong interpreted by men?
Note: i just wanted to post a study about female opinion about male physique, but we also got female NOFAPsters here right..?!..

A study showed that female don't realy like a athletic body on a man.
For another example my gf just "tries to talk me out of" my training to become more lean and fit... more like a swimmer or a athletic. ( 50% progress ^^)
So what many male think about male masculinity physique might be wrong?! Man... i don't know.
So all we do is wrong and nothing makes sense right?
So why not just do what feels right for yourself?

Oh and for the feelings part... i think it is more important to do what you want to do in a specific situation. Most of the time i don't show any emotion/feeling.
But when i'm with my gf i show her my feelings... for example: i watched the movie marley & me with my gf and cried like a baby. but shhh don't tell anyone.

 

I think there is a lot of truth in this. We need the influences of other men who are empowered and giving of their time and love to grow into healthy men. Most of us these days do not get enough hours with these kinds of men if we spend time with men at all. Robert Bly expresses this point more elegantly than I do in "Iron John". I feel that masculinity is in the process of being redefined and many of us feel in limbo with it. We know that to feel honorable, strong, supportive is important as a man but what else ?

I also know that many women are silently calling out for this idea of a 'real man' though even they dont truly grasp what that means. There is also the consideration of gender. There are men who feel more like women not because there is something wrong with them but because that is the resonance of their gender which is independent of whether someone is a man or a woman. Life is diverse and so are the parameters of masculinity. In my opinion

 

a man in a relationship is the leader in the relationship due to istrogen girls tend to be ectremly emotional and fragail they need a person in there life with a sence of purpes in their life a guy who can provide a guy who cares loves and shares an unjudgmental person something like that.... i think

 

Ok if i think about this more deeply and reverse the question of what we think are the right deeds, i have a controversy hypothesis:
Masculinity are characteristics of men that are needed for women to have a fulfilling relationship with them?

Spoiler: Sidenote:

Masculinity is a cultural shaped construct... but who exactly shapes these attributes? What is the point of beeing masculin for men? If we think about it, the only thing we use our masculine traits for is for impressing women. Please correct me if i'm wrong on this one. Masculinity (dominance/leadership/blablabla...) is a way to attract female. Sure this changes nowadays and somehow this also makes sense... not all women want a trained bull with testosterone quilling out of his ears.. there is no need for this anymore. Many also like the intelligent small man who can entertain his partner. So in the end the one who "approves" our masculinity, are women?

 

Real men blaze their own path. They get criticized for deviating from the tried-and-tested way. But that stigma and hardship - as well as the bravery to be an individual - ultimately sets them apart from their peers.