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Feeling hopeless and cannot go on like this

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Louielou, Apr 6, 2020.

  1. Apr 6, 2020 #1
    Louielou

    Louielou Fapstronaut

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    Hi my name is lou and I’m the wife of a porn addict who refuses to admit it, refuses to talk about and keeps lying to me, deceiving me, sneaking around and hiding his porn use.
    This has been going on since I found out 2 years ago ( we’ve been married 24 years,) we are both in our mid 40’s . I know this has been going on our whole marriage but he was really good at hiding it and I trusted him . When I first found out he minimised it and tried “ gas lighting” it has been like this for last 2 years , I find him out he lies. I got an accountability app put on his phone yet he is still doing it without the app picking it up. I think using an old phone. I have taken pictures of proof and he still says he doesn’t know how it got on there. He has never really confessed or talked to me about it , never sorry . Even when I have proof he looks me in the eyes and lies and then he takes off so he doesn’t have to talk about it. He works away often interstate so I don’t know what he does but I’m at the end of my wits end and cannot take the pain anymore. I cannot take the lies, the deception, the gaslighting, it’s killing me. Please someone give me some advice as I’m not a porn addict and don’t understand the behaviour and denial that comes with it.
     
    Louielou, Apr 6, 2020
    Louielou, Apr 6, 2020
    #1
  2. Apr 6, 2020 #2
    Real Roboin

    Real Roboin Fapstronaut

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    Hello Lou, So sorry. Have you researched your brain on porn? The dopamine high? Your not the only one mine to this day still lies. Like I was a ghost for over 24 yrs. Take a breath!
    @Psalm27:1my light is always so good at explaining to new comers
     
    Real Roboin, Apr 6, 2020
    Real Roboin, Apr 6, 2020
    #2
  3. Apr 6, 2020 #3
    Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Hi Lou! Sorry you are going through this. The crazy making of living with an addict! They lie so convincingly because they believe their own lies. Replace porn with heroin and come to the realization that your husband has been high most of his life. When he wasn’t high he was thinking and planning his next fix. The only difference is he uses sex and women to flood his brain with dopamine and get the high. If you can, read Your Brain on Porn. Educate yourself on the real brain changes the damage he has done to his brain, les gray matter, less frontal cortex etc. once you understand, then you can make changes and choices that better serve you. Most men will not admit they have a problem until they are forced to... ie divorce, loss of a job, prison... however, you can decide what you want. We just celebrated our 28th anniversary, Im calling it our first anniversary though since it’s the first one he’s been clean the whole year, lol. If you have specific questions you can pm me or ask here and if I can answer I will, but I warn you, I don’t sugar coat it and I’m blunt. Best thing you can do for yourself is find a csat or go to bloom on line and start finding help for you! You’ve been put through hell but I’d guess both your husband and yourself have been minimizing it.
     
    Psalm27:1my light, Apr 6, 2020
    Psalm27:1my light, Apr 6, 2020
    #3
    Real Roboin likes this.

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