Addicted to PMO to relieve stress - can’t stop - please help!

Sport helps, so does meditation, good sleep, and weirdly enough: laughing helps against stress.

 

Hi man, thanks for taking the time to share your struggle. I didn't have a girlfriend until i turned 26 and we're getting married next year. I completely understand some of the things you're going through as I thought the same things and felt the same emotions. My anxiety is really bad too, sometimes it's so bad i either panic attack or hyperventilate and pass out. What's helped me cope with the anxiety has been talking/sharing my emotions in a safe space such as the weekly accountability group, making sure i do enough self care and regular habits to make sure my anxiety doesn't get bad. Regular exercise does help, but it's not really treat the root cause of why you're struggling to quit porn.

There is nothing wrong with you. Porn is addicting and it seems like you're using it to treat your feelings whether it's worry, boredom, low self esteem, regret, anger, shame, etc. The thing to note is that there is no magical pill you can take and all of a sudden you're not addicted to porn. There is no shortcut to recovery. It's what you do on a day to day basis that defines your success in the long term.

You can stop for good once you identify the root cause of why you turn to porn. The obvious question i ask is why do you have such high level of anxiety? Did you experience trauma when you were young or had a lot of hurtful things happen to you? Once you identify the root cause of your suffering, you can begin healing. Once you get to a point where your mind is clear, you somewhat feel better, then you need to incorporate healthy habits as part of your regular daily routine. For example, exercise in the morning, writing in your journal at night, reading a book, etc.

I use to think the recovery journey was not necessary and i wanted instant results. However, i've been hooked on porn for 16 years and I'm starting to enjoy the process to recovery. Once you can enjoy the process and not be so results driven, i believe you're more likely to get the long term result that you want.

 

hi im 30 and only ever had one gf which last a month and pretty sure it was out of pity however the reaso why it didnt last is because of porn and my relationship with porn. You are pushing away potential partners without even realising to give you an example i'm quite negative now and really uptight, and i know this as i went for speed dating not too long ago and i met a girl much like myself answered questions like with one answer i go how are you and they say fine and then you dunno what to talk about. Unfornatly nofap u will not get instant results sure you will have alot of energy but you will be so easily triggered. In a way the best you can do is hit rock bottom with you addiction so the only way is up? How far down the rabbit hole have you been? Because the more shit you get in the more you will realise it is ruining your life. Do you put off tasks that you should do for your addiction? For eg when i was your age i could of been studying but instead i fapped and a day turned into a week which turned to a month which turned to a year and i havent realy got anythig to show for it. My teeth i havent bothered with in so long that they are actually becoming loose because all i cared about was fapping, i even fapped at work thats how much of a discrase i was i tell you this all only so you can reflect on yourself and think of those things you put off but u havennt noticed. And the reason you havent noticed is because of porn. You are in your prime now... Dont fuck it up now because it will be too late.

 

Have you tried to shut down those thoughts of fapping before they build, or do you just give them free reign?

 

Hi thanks! And great question that you ask. In my opinion, your fears of failure, rejection, etc might be something deeper than your parent's divorce. Although that's the likely source, i think you might want to consider exploring this fear with a professional. But please note that therapists can be a hit or miss. Some can do a great job treating you while others would sit there in silence and not say anything or they prescribe you a medication as a shortcut for meaningful treatment. Something to consider if things get really gets bad, but do your homework and carefully choose someone that will offer effective treatment.

Enjoying the process means taking the time to learn about yourself such as your emotions, what your likes/dislikes, hobbies you might enjoy, topics you might be interested to learn, what your short term goals are, and long term what you would like to accomplish, etc. I've noticed from my observations in this forum that a lot of people want instant result of being porn free, because being addicted to porn brings a lot of shame. My perspective is rather than focus on a shortcut to stop the urges and act out, learn to enjoy the process because the journey to self discovery is rewarding and fun.

The question I would ask is what do you do on a daily basis or walk me through what a typical weekday is like. Another aspect of recovery that in my opinion people don't focus on is what is being done on a daily basis. The choices we make everyday will impact how long we can have a streak of no PMO.

You identified that you suffer from anxiety and you pointed out your fears. I can relate, because I have the same fears and my parent's also divorced when i was young. What habits or things do you do on a regular basis besides exercise to manage your anxiety? Do you exercise in the morning, meditate in the afternoon, share your emotions with a close friend during the day, write in your journal at night, etc.? Making it past day 1 requires a lot of work to manage your emotions and continue to do it everyday in order to make it past your first week, second week, etc. There are simple and obvious answers I can provide to help you make it past day 1 such as cold showers or what not, but if you don't incorporate good habits into your daily routine then it won't help you in the long term.

How do you respond when you feel overwhelmed emotionally? Do you write down your thoughts or do you quickly try to get rid of the uncomfortable feeling? Maybe as part of your daily routine you can write down your thoughts or your feelings first thing in the morning. That way you're not carrying any emotional baggage that will affect your focus for the rest of the day. Another tip is to maybe have some chamomile tea at night to help calm the nerves and help you get a good night's sleep and prepare you for the next day. A good night's sleep will reduce your stress level and make it easier to manage your emotions.

Do you have someone you can talk to when you're not feeling good emotionally? I don't recommend you share with them that you suffer from a porn addiction, it's difficult for someone who doesn't go through the struggle to understand and although they may mean well, could send you mixed messages that impact your recovery. If you don't have anyone you can talk with about your emotions, consider joining a support group here. I'm in a wednesday weekly accountability group and that has been very helpful for my recovery. I describe it as a breath of air, because it's really nice to have a safe place and supportive environment to share your struggles. I always feel a little less burdened emotionally after i share. Anyways, something to consider as a weekly routine. This part of the recovery process can be enjoyable because you're learning about yourself, learning from others, and connecting with others.

I apologize if i rambled on for too long. Trying to be helpful and at the same time to not overwhelm you with information. Hope what i wrote was helpful and get you to think about things differently.