As the title states, how to give a fuck? How do you care about what other people say, do or think? Other than the negatives of course. My biggest problem with socializing for example is actually caring about what the other person is telling me when theyre talking to me. Most of the time i can only come up with short answer so i can get out of the conversation as fast as possible. I thought this was some sort of defence mechanism from having social anxiety, but in the end i generally dont care what theyre trying to tell me. For instance when a coworker tries to tell me about something they did during the weekend or something like that, i just cant help think "okay, did i ask? I dont give a shit" or when all of us are sitting in the lunch room and suddenly someone breaks out and start talking about something they did yesterday, like fix up their yard or anything, i cant help but think "omg, noone cares.." I can go on and on about situations like these, but i think i got my point out. This has created a handicap for me when it comes to making new friends, and the ones i have i barely keep in touch with other then when they contact me. Usually the conversations are mostly short and quick because i cant seem to keep the conversation going because i answer short and quick because its not really intresting to me. Short background facts about me: discovered porn at age 9, started watching it on a regular basis when i was around 12, became an semi addict at age 17,started smoking weed at age 18, became a full blown addict to weed and porn around age 20, quit weed around age 23(smoke on and off these days) started nofap at age 24. Longest streak has been 146 days, but nothing really changed other than people approaching me more and trying to talk to me, but the conversations wouldnt last because of my behaviours.
Alot of my interests arent socially acceptable around regular people(drugs, strong political opinions, conspiracy theories, crazy opinions etc. ) and the ones that are dont apply to alot of people, like video games and working out. People who arent into any of those things dont have alot to contribute to the conversation so why bother? And even if i try to lead the conversations i cant really seem to keep it going anyway cause i lose interest after a while too.
You asked how to give a fuck, but it turns out you do give a fuck what people think. Otherwise you would have no problem discussing “socially unacceptable” topics. I do it all the time, to all different types of people. Some engage with me, some will listen but don’t have to much to say, and some don’t care. You have to use your judgement. Small talk is also a part of life. If you have half decent social intelligence you’ll be able to engage in it when necessary. Conversations don’t have to last forever btw.
I feel this, dude. I have to fake being interested in about 90% or more of the conversations I have. I’d rather be doing something else most of the time
Obviously, i do give a fuck what people think about me. Thats why im not trying to scare the shit out of them with my crazy ass conspiracy theories or things like that. I only discuss those things with open minded people. The thing is i dont care about peoples daily buisness or whatever normal people usually talk about, i know the abc of small talk, like taking a part of what the the other person just said and try to build on that, but im never able to. Most of my answers to small talks are yes, no, oh, nice, cool etc. Ive been trying for a long time to get better at small talk, but "building" a conversation seems impossible since i think like i do.
I’m probably a far bigger “conspiracy theorist” than you. I talk about conspiracies to 90% of people cause I don’t give a fuck what they think of me. They need to know what the fuck is going on in this world. I give zero fucks about people’s useless talking points, but I can still engage in conversation. Just wait for the opportunity to make the conversation more interesting, or end it. Also, stop smoking weed. It makes you anti-social and slow. Talk about nofap.. what guy would not be at least mildly intrigued by it.
There's one guy that says that problem he tends to have is "dumbing down" his conversations so he can talk to an average person in everyday occasions, perhaps you have the pressure to do the same, but maybe you don't have to do it. Who's implying that you must do it ? If anything else, people always say "be yourself" and by that they don't actually mean it, if that's the way you are let it be then. Do your thing, just don't be mean to people for no reason, you'll find people with similar interests eventually...
Good for you i guess. But im not able to just flip a switch not care about what other people think of me, never have been other than under the influence of drugs or alcohol. I know very well about the effects of smoking weed being a former addict. Thats why i mostly just smoke when i dont have work for a while, like holidays and such. And talking about nofap is a no go, im already embarresed enough about being a pmo addict, so talking about it to people i have no real relation to would just be super awkward. Dumbing down conversations.. Yes, very relatable. I used to just say what i meant and talk about whatever was on my mind, but i grew tired of having to explain myself and eventually pushing people away because what i talked about was too "not mainstream" for them. Things like that made me start overthink everything i was gonna say to try to simplify it as much as possible wich eventually led to social anixiety (been to therapy, read alot about defense mechanisim and all that jazz) which then led to selective mutism or something like that. Now a days i dont know how to start a conversation other than saying "whats up?" and even if i get a fulfilling response i just answer "oh cool" or something along those lines.
Ok so you don’t want to man up and bring up topics that actually interest you out of fear of judgement, and you also want to complain that people are boring conversationalists. Don’t know what to tell you. You don’t have to tell people you’re a full blown pmo addict. 99% of men jerk off regularly. Most will relate when you say “hey have u heard of nofap? It’s basically not jerking off for a while. It’s supposed to help with ....”
Talking about anything porn or fapping related is embarresing to me, always been. In my country its pretty taboo to talk about anything sex related unless youre close friends, always creates an awkward situation. So not really a topic i would bring up in the lunch room.
My advise would be to try to expand your own interests and try new things in general. Try doing activities or learning about things you have never had an interest in or a desire to learn about. Or it could be stuff you are interested in but haven't explored. But you might be surprised that you actually enjoy doing or learning about something you originally had no interest in. It seems to me like you are interested in people and having relationships with people. But relationships with people, especially making new friends usually centers around common interests to begin with. It sounds like what these people are talking about is of no interest to you. That is probably a common occurrence for everyone. But if your own collection of interests is too small, you will find very few people you can connect with in conversation.
look, what is it that you want? if you want to connect with people, it will happen automatically once you did the nofap challenge. what pmo, i.e. lust, does, is making people selfish. cut the habit, and you will start to see people for what they are, not as mere entities in a world in which you have no connection. you dont need to overanalyze this or do anything, just keep your streak growing. i know this works from own experience. ive been like you, people called me arrogant for this reason, aswell as aloof. well, then when i had a long streak, they wondered who i was all of a sudden. and i wondered too. the thing about talking is this: people talk only for two reasons, either they want to know something, or they have something on their heart. if its the latter - and 99% it is of the latter, especially with women, i wouldnt advice you to partake in this, unless you have to. people complain, and when they talk about it, they feel relieved. or when they are sad, it is as if through talking the other person alleviates some of their pain. or when they are happy - the happyness multiplies because its shared. we as men have to be strong. thats why we dont talk about our problems or worries. we have to deal with them, no one else. if a woman talks about her problems, we will be silent and listen, and for her it will be as if we were to take their worries on our shoulders and carry it with us. beta males will behave like women, even under one another. from what i read you have the prerequisites to already be alpha. all you need to do is to understand these concepts, then you will be certain about your situation and confident, and not ask such questions on the internet. take care
While i'm at work, where i can't avoid being with and around people, i just try to talk about small things to kinda like ''poke'' the situation and see who is interested in talking with me. If they aren't it's really easy to notice that. However, if you're unable to listen to what other people are saying (even something like ''hey how have you been''), most likely they will not listen to what you're saying. Try to put yourself in other people's shoes for a bit. I know you don't care and i know it probably will bore you, but just give it a try and see how the conversation will be off to a good start.
